


May We Meet Again

by alymar185



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2018-04-19 10:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 46,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4742384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alymar185/pseuds/alymar185
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one-shots. Hope you enjoy them!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anti-Gravity

"Want to know what its like to be in the sky?" I ask them.

The Grounders all stare at me quizzically. I smirk and look down at the children of the village.

"Maybe the kids should go first. Less weapons and uh more fun!" I say brightly. Lexa and Anya glance at each other in confusion at my words.

"Take off your weaponry, you'll see why." I say chuckling as Raven excitedly ushers pass the little ones into the airlock.

She and Wick had figured out to turn on anti-gravs. From what she tells me a space walk was like flying. Her eyes glittered with the memory of how much fun she had. I suggested wryly that the Grounders could use a little fun with how uptight they act. Our faces brightened as we turned to each other at the same time, nearly glowing with the idea.

"Don't stab me." I warn them. Their eyes grow weary at my words, shifting behind me at their children standing in a locked room.

I press the big red button and the kids squeal out at the sensation of weightlessness. I could feel a blade at my side and someone breathing in my ear behind me. I froze waiting for them to relax.

The Grounders relaxed their stances and stared at the kids lifting off the ground and floating as if in water. Their faces were amusing to watch, first in fierce anger then shock and finally childlike awe themselves.

"Um . . . Lexa." I whisper. I was enjoying how close she was, her body pressed behind me in almost a hug. However, her sword arm was slack but still very much pressured against that blade. She tore her gaze away and stared at me for a second before pulling her blade, and unfortunately her body, away.

I smile in understanding and glance at the laughing children before knocking on the glass wall. Raven laughed at a particular kid who was tumbling in cartwheels before she glanced at me and nodded. I could see her mouth moving telling the children to hold onto something in the room and weigh themselves down.

I press the button again, checking the gauges to make sure their descent wasn't at all abrupt. The only reason I wasnt fully impaled on Lexa's sword was because she above all else had restraint.

The children laugh out loud as the doors slide open talking excitedly to Raven. Her face was smiling but I could see like me she had no idea what they were saying, to which they probably forgot. They jumped up and down pulling on their parent's hands stubbornly. I shook my head, that was the universal sign for "I wanna go again!"

"You can all go again, tomorrow after you have done your duties." I said calmly. They all groaned out loud in disappointment after Anya translated for me. I chuckled and waved goodbye as their parents led them away.

"Skei Presa" said a tiny voice. I looked down at a little boy who was tugging at my jacket to get my attention. Skei Presa. I smiled at the familiar but aggravating name, Sky Princess. 

"Yes?" I ask the boy kindly. His brown eyes scanned me in a familiar, suspicious way. I look up to his father whose eyes shined down at his boy with nothing but love and pride.

The tug comes back until he gently opens my hand and gives me a flower. My heart swelled as I reverently hold it up.

"Thank you." I whisper. I glance at his father for permission. At his nod, I lean down hug the boy close. "You're going to be a heart breaker." His grin is quick until he grabs his father's hand and runs from the room. I wave at the retreating group, not seeing the Commander's eyes on me the whole time.


	2. Glimmer

I could feel Lexa's warmth as she stood behind me. I tried focus on the map in front of me. Cleared my throat and ran my fingers along the tunnel routes. Lexa reached around me. At first my heart quickened with the thought that she was reaching for me. To hold me close. But a chill ran down my spine as I felt the edge of her blade rest against my throat. She gripped my wrist and brought it behind me hard.

"If this is a trap, a ploy to take my people into the mountain to be slaughtered-"

I unconsciously brought my wrist close to me, fighting against her grip. An effort to cross my arms and hold myself together. I thought . . . When she was reaching for me, I stupidly thought she wanted me.

Embarrassment and a sharp pain kept me still after she put more pressure into the knife.

"I'm not leading your army into an ambush Lexa.", I said trying to keep my voice as flat as possible. It would probably shake with sadness.

She doesnt trust me. And judging by the dagger, she doesnt feel the same way I do about her. I've never felt more exposed. Here I am in the arms of the woman that I tried so hard not to fall for and she wouldn't think twice about killing me. A hole suddenly entered my center. Like she punched her way through my stomach leaving a bloody mess. I never felt rejection before, not like this. With Finn it never felt like this.

I suddenly hated her. A way to protect myself from more pain, no doubt. But I'd take it. I use my other hand to push us away from the table slamming Lexa's back into the cement wall. Her grip on me loosened so I pushed her shoulder back into the wall, ripping my bent arm away. I turned on my heel, gripping her knife hand and bending her wrist to loose the knife. I quickly kick her knee out and follow her to the ground. I grab the knife and put it on her neck leaning over her to look into her eyes.

"I'm not the enemy. . . Commander. The mountain men are. And as much as you hate it, you're going to have to start trusting me." I stick the knife into the ground by her head and raise myself off the floor quickly leaving the room.

I ignore Bellamy and Raven's questioning looks as I walk into the woods. It was time that I sat down and took a beat to breathe. To get my priorities straight. It was clear my feelings for her got the better of me. My eyes burned with tears. While I was standing there thinking I could be an asset and a friend to Lexa, maybe even more, all she was doing was cooly calculating my efforts as a spy. I suddenly stop as I come upon a river. I dimly remember Octavia almost being devoured in one but I dont stop to think about it. I rip off my shirt and slowly start peeling off my boots, socks and pants.

If I get eaten, so be it. Its better than feeling this kind of pain. I run into the shallow water then dive into its dark depths, holding my breath. I sink a little lower and look up to the sunlight glimmering on the surface. Unbiddenly, Lexa's eyes marked with kohl come to me. So bright. So beautiful. My lungs start to burn with the lack of oxygen. I surface and whip my head back to take a deep breath. Floating on my back I stare at the tree tops shaking in the wind. Never did I think I would be here, on earth. It was always a secret dream of mine. Never did I think I'd see so much, feel so much. This place was both amazing and terrible.

I sigh and try my best to turn my thoughts away from what it always seems to be revolving around. Lexa.

What possessed me to fall in love with her? Shes the Commander. Heartless, ruthless. . I shake my head and dive beneath the cool waters. My moms words play into my head.

Just be yourself. It'll all work out.

I want to cry, have her hold my head and stroke my hair. But I can't. Being a leader meant being strong. But I had learned a hard way. Theres always a balance. Love is a weakness but its also a strength. I'll have to bury my pain and push past the hurt.

After this swim I'll meet with Lexa again and go over the maps again. Maybe find a back exit around the reapers should Bellamy fail.

Goosebumps break out on my skin as I feel someone gaze on me. I turn my head minutely and flip over to head to shore. I quickly grab my clothing. Whoever they are, they're getting quite the eyeful.

"Whoever's watching, I'm armed and supremely pissed." I scream trying to sound almost bored as I put on my clothes.


	3. I'm back bitches

I stared at the metal wall opposite me in shock. My skin prickled with the receding pain. I was back on the Ark. But I just died. My eyes closed as the memory pierced my mind.

_"I didn't want to have to do this." I said. I nervously held the gun to the President's head._

_His eyes flashed around his office, looking at me and my friends. We were able to battle our way to the President. So many were lost. After I had seen Bellamy fall, it only took one look for Octavia and I to agree that he had to pay. They all did._

_"What are you doing?" he asked cautiously._

I could feel the walls thrumming, as it always did on the Ark. I had forgotten it did that. I beat my head against it softly.

_The President was backing away to his desk. Octavia said "Ah, ah. Back away."_

_His face screwed up while his hand fell away from the drawer where his gun was stored. My attention was so focused on them I didn't see the straight-faced guard picking his way behind me. He shot Monty, then Maya. I screamed and dropped to my knees to help them before my head blasted with the sound of the President killing Octavia._

_The guard shot me in the side, the force of it throwing me fully to the floor. My head turned to meet Maya's eyes. They were so faraway . . . like she was lost in thought; the sight marred by the blood dripping from her mouth._

_My eyes burned with tears for her. Someone so brave, to help strangers over her own people. I looked at Monty and he was looking at me in despair._

_"Clarke" he croaked. His body shook once, still fighting._

_The President strode over to us and shot him in the head. My ears rang again with the load bang._

_"Prepare the dead bodies for transfusion. There's a limited window of time before their blood stops being viable." He said smugly._

_Monty's blood started to spread across the plush rug, wetting my shirt. It was warm and felt unwelcome on my skin. I tried to get up to push myself up but the guard stepped down on my bullet wound. I screamed out in pain, my back bowing tight. I could taste blood now, my throat starting to feel raw._

_"What about this one sir?" the guard asked. I huffed as black spots danced across my vision._

" _Kill her. She's more trouble than she's worth." growled the President._

_Bang!_

My eyes opened slowly as it all came back to me. My cell looked the same and yet different. I got up from my cot in the corner and glanced at all the charcoal drawings on the walls.

It all seemed childish compared to how the earth really looked. The trees had more canopy, and the moon was smaller in the night sky. And the butterflies, the ones I copied from the few textbooks I could get my hands on, should glow with light from within.

My hands traced over one drawing and I pulled away to look down at my shaking fingers. It was covered in black soot. Like Lexa's eyes.

A sob caught in my throat as I remembered her betrayal. She left us . . . she left me. I crashed to my knees as the tears overflowed. We died. We all died.

Their screams started to assault me. I failed them. Blindly following who I thought to be a strong leader, I sacrificed so many. And those people in the village. Two hundred and fifty innocent souls. Three hundred grounders burned by my plans near the dropship. I stared at my hands clawing the floor. They were dripping in blood. I was a killer.

…

As my tears finished I stared around at my surroundings. Why was I here? This wasn't the afterlife, I was pretty sure. If it was heaven I wouldn't be in so much pain. And if it was hell, I'd be suffering more. Their screams could be pushed to the back of my mind with effort.

I slowly got up and stepped toward the door that faced the inner hallway. I could see the other prisoners, hear their talking and fighting. I was really back.

Sniffling I walked back to my cot, uncovering my diary. The pages couldn't turn fast enough as I searched for the last entry. Five weeks.

Its been 5 weeks since my father died. In reality I remember months had past. No later than three months. Shaking my head, I grab onto the sill and lookout. The world so far below us looks peaceful. Looks are deceiving. I run to the door and bang on it to the guard passing by. Its time I saw my mother

. . .

"Clarke?" my mom asked uncertainly.

"Mom?" I said, crying.

I almost wrapped my arms around her before the guards held their stunners up. I pull back before I get lashed. I sob as she says to the guards "Its okay."

The guards leave and we sit down. My mom looks at me hopefully. "Honey are you okay?" she asks.

Of course she thinks I still blame her. I dont. Not anymore. I wont ever forgive her, but I don't blame her after everythings that happened.

"Mom . . . " I say shakily. I look down and try to get a grip. Breathing in and out I think of how she'd realistically react to what has happened to me. Her daughter suddenly believes that she was sent to earth, died and traveled back in time to the Ark. I had really just witnessed my father being floated and sent to a isolated cell. Logically, if I tell her what I'm thinking she'd have me committed to the psyche level. I nod and try to smile at her.

"I'm doing okay. I just wanted to see you." I say. I clear my throat looking away. I have to get better at lieing while I'm here.

"I thought . . . the last time you said . . . " she stumbled.

I nod and cautiously take her hand. I feel better knowing shes here. No matter what, shes my mother. I'll always need her.

"I'm sorry . . . Part of me still hates you for what you did. But I guess at the very least . . . I understand the choice you had to make." I sigh. I try to look elsewhere shame rising up in me. So much blood on my hands. But here I am with a do over. Its time I changed.

"You are stronger than me." I say.

I did things my way with the Grounders but I did them halfway. If I was strong like my mother, ruthless and cold, sacrificing anyone who got in the way of what ultimately was a very simple choice- maybe things would've turned out differently the first time. Mom had always had this inherent ability to see through me. The pain must show on my face because her back suddenly straightens.

"Clarke." My says aghast. "Whats happened? Whos hurt you?" she says harshly.

The anger rose in her eyes making them hard. Pride rose up in my throat as I saw her love. Atleast now in this moment with her near me nothing could hurt me.

I shake my head and raise my mom's hands to frame my face. "I'm okay Mom . . . and if I explain it to you, you wont believe me." I shake my head already seeing the protests. "Telling the truth is what got me in this mess." I smile slightly, grimly. Her shocked face tells me she took _that_ the wrong way. I meant with Lexa, not my father.

"Never mind, listen. I need you to set something up for me." Her eyes turned confused.

"Anything Clarke." She whispers. I take her hands away and sit back, wiping the tears away.

"A meeting with Thelonius." I say. She shakes her head, saying flatly "No."

"I'm not planning on killing him, Mom." I joke harshly. "Thelonius is a devout man. He believes in the best of humanity, at least he will. I have information he will find useful to the problems we have been having on the Ark."

"Clarke-"

"Trust me Mom. I know I'm the last person he'd want to talk to but you have to make it happen. Tell him I know about the 100."

"Honey-"

"Mom please." I shake my head, tears brimming again. "I'm telling you I forgive you. And now you have to forgive me. This is not going to make sense but I have done things. Made bad choices but this is my chance to fix it. _Please_ , help me." I beg.

In my head I speak Trigedasleng, _"beja. Beja, beja."_

She shakes her dark blond hair out of her eyes and tries to smile assuringly. "Okay honey, I'll tell him. Just know that no matter what you've done I'll _always_ love you." She said.

Her eyes worriedly scan me as she gives my hands a squeeze and is led by the guard out of the room. I snort and laugh silently. I know that worried look. That's how she looked after the first dance I attended with a date. She probably thinks I had sex.

If only that was the worst of my problems.

. . . ;;;;; . . .

My mind turns to the last person who broke my heart. If Mom, with her innocent eyes now, had seen Lexa all dark clothing and war paint dripping like dark tears, she'd scream.

…..;;;;;,,,,,

Thelonious looked at me pompously, surely only coming here to satisfy his curiosity. I could her the shouts outside. I bet they're all wondering how the traitor got the Chancellor to visit her in isolation.

I sat on my cot and stared at my favorite charcoal drawing of the woods. The moon was unrealistically small and the stars didn't have the diamond-like qualities it did on Earth, but I did a good job. It captured the isolation and wonder I would feel when I looked to the skies at night.

So I told Thelonious the story from the beginning. His eyes turned hard at the realization I knew his plan to send the 100 to the ground, then disbelieving. As time went on I had disclosed details he had given to me over time about his son. His background, his own name. How his favorite game was chess and why he loved not the intellectual moves one player had to make but how much it told him about the person sitting opposite him.

I also told him things about those surrounding him. Some of these details shocked him. Others, given hard enough thought Thelonius could remember passing remarks over the years that matched up with my story. Things I wouldn't know, couldn't know. Not in here.

He stepped back fearfully. Then his shocked fear turned into awe. "You are a prophet."

I sigh and try not to scoff. Him and his philosophy. He always did like to believe that some big Creator made a bigger path for us all. Everything had its purpose. The books of old especially talked of special people who supposedly knew better for everyone.

I try not to piss on his dreams.

It was the reason that the Chancellor was a believer that I could use him to change things this time.

;;;;;;…..;;;;;;

After Thelonius tooke me out of my cell, much to the disbelief of all the other prisoners Iwas shown back to my Mom's quarters. She looked at me in disbelief after he left.

"Clarke!"

I hug her gladly and stave off her questions, saying I was getting tired.

''''''';;;;;;;'''''''

No matter what I do my thoughts keep turning back to Lexa. Her eyes had never looked so cold than that night. She stood there like a stranger. Chills shiver me until I cross my arms and try to hold myself together. It seems to me like I had a choice, I could either cry about how bad it all turned out or I could learn from this. It was true that making choices based off my heart was foolish. But I refused to believe even now that love was weakness. It was the love we had for our people that drives us, Lexa included. Octavia and I had the strength to make a last ditch attempt at making sure the President paid for their deaths. Otherwise we never would have made it that far. What was life if you had nothing to fight for? We had to love other. Otherwise our fight was over . . .


	4. Monaw

I closed my eyes against the pain. My arm was clutched to me as black spots danced across my vision. Lexa's back was against the opposite wall. She left her sword to bar the door but I knew she could just as well kill me with her bare hands.

"Who are you?", she asked.

Sweat gathered on my forehead as I tried to push past the nausea that came with my broken arm.

"Clarke. Clarke Griffin of the Sky People." Lexa's eyes searched me. It was obvious I could not fight her but she was still cautious.

"Why are you here?"

I huff as my vision got blurry. But then jumped sharply when Minau rattled the door with her pounding.

"Trying . . . To get away . . . From that."

"You're weak. You saved me instead of leaving me behind. Now we both die."

I shake my head and push off the floor to stand. I sidestep as dizziness hits me. "No ones going to die. I'll get us out."

Lexa steps beside me and scans my face searching for something. "You are weak and foolish."

I smirk slightly. She really doesnt change. "Everythings going to be okay. We just need to move fast."

I move to the side of the door flattening my back and getting ready to pull the sword. Minau's loud roars and forceful pushes almost bends the swords metal as the door pushes out. Lexa reluctantly stands beside me looking fearfully to the door.

"Ready?"

She nodded. I quickly pull the sword and get out of the way as Minau slams back the doors and stumbles in not looking to the side as we run through the exit and slam the cage closed. Lexa and I quickly push the bar down and huff out a laugh, glad to have survived. We step back to see that the door holds. I tug my jacket closer around me and say, "Come on."

We get about 500 yeards from the cage and start a fire. I back up against a tree and slump down. I sigh and grab the edge of my t shirt ripping two strips away. I quickly grab a short branch and level it against my forearm where the break is and tie the strips around my arm to the branch. That'll keep it in place until I could get back to camp.

"Hows your arm?" asked Lexa.

I lean back again and say stoically '"It hurts."

Lexa said, "Why did you save me?"

I break off my stare into her eyes and look towards the fire. "I couldn't let you die."

"That was weak."

"It was smart. God forbid one of your clan becomes Commander. " Plus, I add silently, I already have enough blood on my hands.

Lexa smiles as her eyes search mine. I know she can feel it. Like we've met before. Maybe she thinks I'm a part of her reincarnation lineage. She dies and then her torch gets passed onto me.

"I'm sure my spirit will choose wiser than that." she says smiling a little. It was like she heard me. Good. I'm not a good leader. I dont want it.

"Reincarnation" I whisper.

"How do your people choose your leaders?"

"They're not my people . . . And its democratic. The people vote for who they think is best."

Her face contorts in confusion. But her training does not allow her to unintentionally insult another clan's ways.

"Thats . . . "

"Part of the reason why I left. The Council is filled with foolish people who would see us die for their own safety."

"Us?"

"The 100. Children sent down to see if earth was habitable. Practically babies left in the woods. . . We never stood a chance."

"How did they die?"

"Acid fog, Reapers . . . Grounders."

I wave my hand to show her I have no grudges. "We were on your land. Strangers. Truth is we would have done worse had you breached the sky."

I look up to the sky, seeing the bright light hide the stars till sundown.

Monaw roars and pounds the doors off in the distance. I startle and look to the cage.

"You're safe." Lexa said.

I turn to smile but then a memory hits me.

"The cage wont hold" I murmur. I whip around to her and look at in surprise at what I remembered.

With all the deaths, I'd been preoccupied with grief. But now . . .

"I have an idea on how to save your people from Mount Weather."

Lexa's eyes widen and she demands. "Explain."

"Mt Weather doesnt know it but you've already breached their walls. You have an entire army underground trapped in cages."

"Unless someone opens the door for them."

"You need a man inside."

"Who?" she asks seeing I still have something to say.

"Grounders would stick out too much. The way they talk, the way they walk. One of my people can go."

"After our invasion the few left have run off to the west. Theres only you."

I sigh and look down. I dont ever want to go back there again.

"The Reapers-" I start.

"I can get you past the Reapers." she interrupts.

"I can turn them back into men."


	5. Zero-G

I slumped on the dirt floor of the train station next to Lexa. She glanced at me, seemingly nervous. But I knew better. Marcus and Thelonius told me how they first met the Commander. Little did I knew it would be this entertaining.

I keep my gaze ahead as if I'm thinking about something, but really my entire focus is on the girl next to me. She looked young, without her usual warrior paint. The black markings seemed almost to be crying from her eyes, if I recall. Lexa shifted and kept glancing at the men as they discussed what to do.

I bite the inside of my cheek not willing to sit silently when I have her right in front of me.

"Can I have any water?" I ask her hoarsely.

Lexas eyes dart to me and look down submissively gathering the jug and cup. I try not to stare. She really is playing her part well, all skittish. She silently fills the cup and hands it to me.

I hum out a thank you and sip at the water, staring ahead again.

"So whats your name?" I ask Lexa. Lexa seems almost annoyed like shes trying to concentrate on the two leaders over there. Her eyes narrow and she shifts again, her "limp" laying there uselessly.

"Lexa." she whispers.

I wait for her to ask me for mine then shake my head slightly. "Clarke . . . Of the Sky People. Thats Marcus and that's Thelonius." I say gesturing to the two men who are bickering a bit more loudly.

I place my cup on the dirt floor and fiddled with my fingers, looking down at them in annoyance. My muscles still twitch with exhaustion.

"Are you well?" asks Lexa.

I don't look into her eyes this time, not willing to exhaust myself on questioning her motives.

"Its different in the sky. The gravity, well, we were more able to float in zero-g then have our feet planted on the ground." I squint trying to explain in a way she'd understand.

"Like a bird, we kind of had the ability to fly if we left our home. But here.", I shake my head in exasperation. The weight had us all feeling as if we were battling to just keep our heads up high.

"On earth the air seems to have weighted us down." I lift my arm up a few inches then let it drop as my muscles spasmed slightly. I frown wishing we had it again. The weightlessness of the Ark. Things were harsh and corrupt but at least this constant annoyance would be gone.

I look over to the men. Marcus had his ankle chained but even then I could see he was going no where. His forehead beaded with sweat as he argued vehemently with Thelonius. Thelonius looked worse, his body beaten and bloodied. His mouth looked torn up from lack of drink.

I wince as I stagger upwards and walk with effort to them offering my cup.

He smiles gently in thanks and nods his head taking a gulp then forcing it into Marcus' hands.

I sigh and place my hands on my waist trying to stay up. Getting use to the weight and gaining strength is the only way to retain some normality.

I look towards the dagger on the ground and glance at Lexa. Her stare returns to the ground. I grab the dagger and play with it, twirling it in my hands.


	6. Love is weakness

"You are weak. You should have left me behind. Now two will die here instead of one." Said Lexa. I turned my head and stared. She looked different without her war paint. Younger, somehow.

I turn back to face the door before saying calmly, "We weren't going to die."

"You don't know that for sure." Lexa disagreed.

"We've been through this before." I counter. Her eyes widen with this new revelation. That was why I asked for her guard to be dismissed. And how I had more weapons than usual.

"I had enough time to get you away from that animal. . . I didn't save you because I'm weak. I saved you because I can't handle any more blood on my hands." I say gruffly.

It's a struggle everyday not to tell her the truth. That she betrayed me and it takes everything inside me not to break down and ask her why? Why did she abandon us?

I could always see the question in her eyes. She has the instincts of a warrior and some miniscule part of her must be screaming that we've met before. A part of me is relishing just a bit too much in the fact that it must be driving her crazy.

"Whose blood do you have on your hands, Clarke?" she asks curiously, if not caught off guard.

"That was another life, as you said. At least I get a second chance this time." I say smiling tightly. I don't want to answer. How do you tell a leader that you were capable of killing 300 of their men? That you were responsible for the slaughter of a whole village of innocent people?

My hands grip the sword in hand just a little tighter. I had always been nothing less than honest with Lexa. This time around, all this subterfuge was taking its toll. Minau will be coming soon and I was nervous. What if she didn't barrel through the door dumbly like before? What if she got ahold of Lexa?! What if she hurt her?

Lexa's soft, strong grip tugged at my iron grip on the hilt. "Your worries are like thunder. What is wrong?" Her eyes burrow into mine, interrogating me with its concern.

I sigh out heavily and step back trying to get a grip. Allowing her in wouldn't be wise a second time. I had to pull away.

Her face smooths out into her mask of indifference. Not before I saw the flash of hurt there. She was trying to help. But the injured part of me, the one from the war, can't help but scan her suspiciously. What is her true concern? Me or my memories?

"She will be here soon. Last time it was simple. Let's hope things in this instance don't change." I nod to the side of the door, then flatten my back against it, raising my sword hand above and away like Anya taught me. Lexa stands next to me uncertainly.

"Are you sure this will work?" she demands.

I grin as Minau starts to pound at the barred doors. I glance back smirking and giggle, "Nope".

Pulling out the sword I had but a second to step back as the doors flew open. Minau came in, hairy and musky smelling, roaring at the metal wall on the far side of the room. Before she could turn around and rip us apart I scream "Hurry!"

Lexa and I run through the open doorway and quickly bar it shut tight, stepping back as it jumped slightly from the animal's forceful fists.

Lexa and I glance at each other as I smiled victorious. I laughed and said "Come on." Tugging my jacket closer.

I walked beside Lexa before we came to a dry hill overlooking the structure below us that has Minau caged inside.

I gather some short branches together to make some firewood. Lexa nods as I do this, both wanting to make sure Minau doesn't get out and track us back to camp.

I sigh again as I hunch down grabbing dry leaves for kindling.

Lexa sits beside me and raises her eyebrows seeing I'm already setting things up. "You're good at this" she says in surprise.

Amusement hits me before I remember that she's been among my people. They probably haven't learned to camp correctly yet, despite my teachings.

"Done this before, remember?" I remind her, again. Wait that's like the third time in the last hour I had to remind her. It's like she doesn't belie- I raise my head sharply at that thought scanning Lexa intensely.

"You do believe me don't you? That all of this has happened to me before?" I ask pointblank.

Lexa looks up at me, her mask in place. "Clarke-"

'Oh my god." I say incredulously. I sit back on my haunches as I take her in. All this time, all of the meetings, she's just been what? Indulging me? Thinking I'm crazy? Being entertained?

My mind tries to wrap around what she could possibly be thinking about me but then I stop myself short and look down nodding to myself. Why should I give her any credit? Trusting her to believe me was obviously going too far. Trusting her at all was too much. Her . . . even my own people couldn't hold this secret. It's just too insane to believe. A large sense of loneliness envelopes me.

"I'm going to get more wood." I say dully, standing up.

"Prove it" she demands suddenly standing too close.

I close my eyes and turn back to her. "Prove your knowledge is true." She whispers.

Tears fill my eyes. If she's willing to try to believe, then yes.

"I don't have to. You felt it the moment you saw me." I croak. Her eyes blink rapidly, surprised and uncharastically scared. "And I prove it every time I outmaneuver you." I smile gently softening my words. I know she hated it wondering how I could possibly get around her plans. She steps back as I step forward. "Every time I save someone who was about to meet certain death . . ." I can see her swallow and step back again as I continue.

"Every time I suddenly grow sad or depressed, weighed down by the memories of a war you should be thankful you haven't seen." Her back hits a tree and I stop tilting my head to the side. "I know you Lexa, better than you'd like. I know about how Anya was your mentor before you were called to be the Commander." Her mouth drops open just slightly with my words pouring forth. I know I should stop but I can't. It's like a dam has broken and I have to get it out. Selfishly, I want to share this burden. This feeling inside that even my death couldn't erase.

"I know about the Ice Queen and how she killed Costia. What it taught you." Lexa shakes her head slightly, probably screaming in her mind she'd never tell me this.

"I know that love is weakness. And that it will be the death of me . . . again." I let the tears flow as I sob silently. Her eyes search mine as I share the fact that I had not only lived all this before but I had died. I could practically see the questions on her face. How did I die? For who? 

"I am weak for you . . . Lexa" I whisper pitifully. "Was that what you wanted to hear?" Her face clears with understanding then blanks. It's like her thoughts has always been hidden from me but now it's imperative that it stays that way forever.

"We were together."

"Yes. And then we weren't."

"What happened?"

"You left us. Lexa, you left me. The Mountain Men made you a deal, to save your people and leave us behind to use as medicine. And you took it."

. . .

"You know what the worst thing is? I forgave you a long time ago. I still love you, even after I died. Because I understood your choice. . . But you were wrong. You said I would have made the same choice. But I would never do that- leave you. . . Even at the cost of my people." I say. This huge burden has been lifted off my chest exposing me for who I truly am. A selfish hypocrite. I say I would protect my people but in truth if it came to their salvation or Lexa, I would choose Lexa. It's a horrible truth I tried so hard to keep from her.

The silence is deafening. She still stands calmly, her back to the tree and her eyes on me. I stay awaiting her reaction. For a couple more seconds there is none. I search her eyes looking for something, anything. Lexa just stares right back. Her eyes don't change in their intensity or their coldness. It's like I am nothing to her, what I would sacrifice for her is nothing.

My back straightens and I nod my head seeing this. Why would she open herself to weakness? I'm half crazy, I'm a murderer and now I'm a coward.

I drop the leaves in my hand before running away.


	7. Sweet Nothing

The Grounder in front of Lexa glanced behind her, eyeing the golden haired Sky Princess she heard so much about. There were rumors that the Commander had a dalliance with Clarke during the war. The curvy brunette smirked as she laid a hand on the Commanders cheek before kissing her.

_0_

The Commander stiffened in response but then softened, holding the woman closer. Lexa closed her eyes tighter as the kiss deepened, hoping to forget the lips of a certain sky person. The lips of this woman who seemed to assume she could take liberties did not wipe out the memory of Clarke's gaze. Something inside of Lexa shifted guiltily when she thought of her. She should not be doing this. It felt wrong especially compared to the much more desirable presence of Clarke. Lexa pulled away but not before she caught the look of triumphant glee on Thalia's face. She followed her gaze behind her where the heartbroken sight of Clarke stopped her heart. Lexa did not take more than two steps before Clarke was gone.

_0_

Bellamy and Raven dragged me to the food bazaar along with their new Grounder friends. They introduced me to Gunter and Tris, making jokes about the weird fruits they offer in trade. Raven and I tried a purple colored nut that had a burst of flavor before I glanced to the entrance a few feet away. I recognized the braided hair of Lexa, and stepped forward smiling almost calling out to her to join us. My smile dimmed as the brunette she was talking to pulled her forward and dipped down to kiss her lips. I silently swore as that bitch wrapped her arm around Lexa's waist.

A part of me expected her to be pushed away immediately but to my surprise Lexa stiffened a moment then held her close too. The arm I had raised in greeting fell limply to my side and I stood there, eyes burning the image in my mind. The bitch held Lexa's cheek as they moved against each other. My stomach churned and I tried to tell my body to turn away but I couldn't move. A pain started in my center and it festered as they went at it. My breath hitched and I blinked trying to move. It hurt more than I thought it would. My mind turned to how I kissed her and I realized that Lexa didnt push me away because of the alliance, she just didnt want anything to do with me. My shoulders hunched as I felt an almost physical blow to my chest.

I see. 

The feeling of rejection and pain came back twice fold. Tears blurred my vision as I looked to the ground, trying to get a grip. It wouldn't do to break down here in public, with Lexa and her girlfriend just feet away. Something shifted inside as what she was currently doing played again in the back of my mind. It hurt. My eyes lifted back up as I felt Lexa's gaze on me. I glanced at her and her lover, memorizing them together so I learned from this, before turning on my heel and running for the woods. I ignored the calls from my friends, grunting as I jogged for the forest. Needing to be alone, I quickly vaulted the lowest tree branch I could reach and climbed.

Tears impaired my vision slightly as I climbed and climbed finally coming to a stop and hugging the thick center of the tree. I buried my face in the rough bark crying silently. My back bowed forward as I sobbed. My hands tightened their grip as my world fell apart around me. Then I froze as I heard Lexa's voice below me calling out my name.

"Clarke? Clarke?!" yelled Lexa, almost desperately.

I glanced down and almost fell down in surprise at how high up I was. I stilled my movements not wanting to see the pity in her eyes. I hunched down slowly, staring at the green canopy dully. The desperate cries of Lexa reached my ears but I did my best to ignore all of it. She was with that girl. A well indowed brunette who had her for who knows how long. She kissed her, probably able to exclaim to the world she is Lexa's and Lexa is hers. Bitterness kept me frozen long after Lexa's pleas drifted away. But not for long. I shifted a moment and glanced up at the stars, tears trailing down my face as a realization visibly softened me. Its not Lexa's fault she doesnt share my feelings. It happens, not reciprocating another's love.

I wrapped my arms around my torso as the hurt and the bitterness seeped out leaving me tired. I sniffled wiping away my tears and started the long climb down. My mind drifted away as I tried to figure out how to face her. It'd be better just to get the first encounter over with. Rip off the bandage, as they said in the olden days.

I dropped down the final branch and traced my steps back to Polis. Lexa's tent should be at the edge of the city. I stopped in my tracks as a horrifying thought hit me. What if that girl was with her? I almost wanted to vomit at the picture of what they'd be doing alone entered my thoughts. I shake my head and start forward again. Lexa would have a guard. I can just ask him if she was alone or able to meet with me before entering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The 100 or any of its characters.


	8. Still just a kid

After the Commander left, I glanced at the dagger and at my Mom before retreating to the far side of the room towards the slave girl slumped on the floor. I faced the wall and took the moment to let the pain at seeing her again show on my face. My eyes closed tight and my fists balled up trying to contain the frustration and hurt of my father's death inside. She gave him over to the Council. She let Dad die. My face turned away as the pain grew worse until it felt like nothing could push it back. I breathed once, twice trying to reign it in.

I could feel her gaze on my back. Her worried voice said "Clarke."

I could hear her take a step toward me before my face cleared of any emotion and I whirled around to face her.

My glare of hatred and fury stopped her in her tracks. I barely said through my teeth, "Dont."

Her hand that was raised towards me fell slowly until she nodded and retreated.

I stepped backwards until my body hit the cement wall. I crossed my arms glancing at the room we were in, at the chains attached to my mother's ankles. The chain still had ample length to get to the dagger.

My mind took notice of this as I slowly lowered myself to the ground. I tried not to stare at the slave a few feet away. Her gaze was surreptitiously darting at either sides now and this whole situation was equal parts horrifying and embarrassing.

I swallowed, my throat raw from lack of drink. Glancing down at my fingers I asked out loud what was the dagger for. Not caring if it was directed to the girl or my mother, I just needed to know for sure if the weapon was for what I thought.

The slave girl said, "One of you must take the knife and kill the other. The person who is alive will be set free."

"What?!" said Abby horrified. "Why?"

The slave girl raised her eyes defiantly from the ground and simply said "It is our way."

"What? Murder?" countered Abby.

I shook my head and stared at the ceiling, trying not to see the irony of things. "No. Sacrifice." I said.

Abby stared at me, the weight of it pressing into my face until she sighed and looked away.

I chuckled bitterly knocking my head back gently a few times against the wall before I hunched forward my head to my knees. My body started to shake and Abby's hands started to hover as if to embrace me while I sobbed. But she froze, her eyes wide, as my blonde hair moved exposing my smile.

I tried to hold it in but the chuckles kept coming rocking my shoulders from side to side. I covered my mouth with the back of my hand for a moment before I laughed and glanced at my Mom in apology.

"I'm sorry. This isnt funny." I tried for a serious face clearing my throat before I broke and laughed again.

I could feel the slave girl's stare and I struggled not to look at her. She must think I'm crazy right now.

"Clarke-now is not the time-" said Abby.

I shook my head still laughing and looked to the sky asking why me? over and over in my head.

"Of course it is. Why not? I mean the Grounders lock up two sky people together to fight to the death . . . " My breath comes out in puffs as I struggle to get a hold of myself. ". . . Not knowing that you're my mother . . . " I shake my head at the irony of my next statement "or the fact that I wouldn't actually have any problem killing you!" my last statement ends with a loud stuttering guffaw as I shake trying to see through my tears. "Its hysetrical! Hahahahaha . . . Because given any chance I have NO qualms qualms stabbing you for killing Dad or sending us down here to die or or . . . " My laughing stops as suddenly as it happened.

I sigh as I look up to my mother's face which was now carved into a mask to cover her horror. "Or any of the other things you've done to make me hate you."

My voice is steady now, reasonable. "Really if they want to test our people to see how strong or peaceful we are . . . They shouldn't give you or a weapon to me."

My melancholy hits my voice now, showing through my words.

"Clarke I know that you blame me-"

I nod and interrupt," for my father's murder." I tried not to move from the ground seeing as how I would actually plunge the knife into her given enough oppurtunity.

"For your father's death", she tried to correct.

"No Mom. He was murdered. Don't you remember me being there? I was the little blonde girl screaming for you to save him." I quietly mock.

"He was going to tell everone on the Ark-" she tried.

I grin icily interrupting again much to her obvious annoyance, "Everyone on the Ark that they were going to die." I nod to myself and slowly stand up stepping towards her.

"And what happened huh? To that bit of sacred information?" I cross my arms and gesture for her to continue. Her face closed off again as she shifted on her feet and looked away.

"Hmm? What happened Abby?" I impatiently ask her, tilting my head.

Her silence filled the room except for our breathing.

"One year later Thelonius the Chancellor and executioner himself told everyone on the Ark they were going to die. . . What? You think no one would have noticed that we running out of air? . . . That the food rations were getting smaller? That one hundred of their kids were sent to the ground when it wasn't thought to be safe for another three hundred years?!"

I shake my head in disgust. "Dad noticed. He actually stopped and took the time to think!"

Abby's eyes filled with tears as she was forced to face the truth. I shook my head and back away from her again.

"Not only did you kill my father . . . But you did it for nothing."

"Clarke you are still just a kid. You dont understand." she said harshly.

I lean forward. "Stop with your excuses. I stopped being a kid the day you sent me down here to die."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the 100 series.


	9. Em Pleni

The acid fog burned the skin on my back. I grit my teeth through the pain, wincing as I put my hand out into the open air, exposing my skin again, to pull Lexa in. Her grip was strong and warm but short lived as she pushed up into the cave. The waterfall protecting us from the wall of acid fog raged on. I shivered as the blisters on my arm broke open shedding the acid, as well as those on my back. I glanced at Lexa nodding satisfaction, and finally seeing why she wore clothes covering her exposed skin when going near the mountain. I face the waterfall again and start to strip down. Lexa's gasp broke the silence of the dark cave.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Rocks moved under her leather boots as she shifted, probably turning her back to give me privacy.

I smirk to myself, not minding if she snuck a peek. My smirk turns into a wince, trying to keep the painful howl that wants to escape inside, as I peel off the shirt from my damaged skin. It clings for a second before the material gives. I sigh as I turn to face Lexa, slowly stepping backwards to have the water heal me. I would hate to have scars.

"You should strip too. The cold will get you sick", I croak. My throat feels parched from all that running.

Lexa seems to stiffen and turns around to face me. Her mask of indifference slips for a microsecond at my nudity before its back again. I bite my bottom lip to keep the smile from showing. I really shouldn't be exposing myself to the Commander. It was a toss up to how she will react.

She simply glances at my body before staring fixedly at my face. My stomach lurches uneasily. Cold indifference it is.

I quickly turn around cupping my hands to get a drink of water. After the cool water slides down my throat soothing the rawness inside I gather my blonde hair and wring it out.

I turn back to face Lexa then start determinedly gathering the wood in the deep recesses of the cave behind her I put back there for just this occasion. Hiding from the acid fog was becoming a daily occurence and I refuse to return to that bunker. The memories of being stuck there with Finn permeate the very walls. I shake my head. Never again.

"You are hurt." Lexa says softly.

I nod at her once as I situate the logs of wood to build a fire. "The waters can heal the skin if you've been touched by the acid fog. The redness and irritation will fade with time too." I answer.

I try not to look at her reaction to my words. She's probably relieved I didn't undress to accost her while we were alone.

I gather the sharp rocks nearby and clap them together for a spark near the kindling. It takes a few tries, droplets of water falling from my hair impeding my progress, before the spark catches. I feed the kindling to the wood sitting back in satisfaction as the fire roars with heat. I reach over dragging my clothes near the heat to dry.

I could feel Lexa's stare the whole time. Realistically shes probably in shock I could make a fire, but a traiterous part of my heart hope she likes what she sees. I clear my throat as the remembered feeling of rejection starts to burn my eyes.

"You are not ashamed of your nakedness. Is this common behavior among your people?" asks Lexa curiously.

I shift until my knees are tucked under my chin covering as much of my front as is possible under the circumstances.

Trying for levity I say "Uh no. No I can safely say I am one of a kind." I smile looking into Lexa's eyes but it dimms as her face changes minutely. Not really wanting to examine her expression, I glance away and runs my hands up and down my folded legs trying to get warmer faster. It really was cold.

"Youve been here before." says Lexa. It wasnt a question. Guess I really am exposed to her.

I answer her anyway. "Yes. . . The water snake keeps any harsh predators away and this is the only place I can be alone to think."

Lexa leans back, the flames reflecting off her eyes and shadowing her face partly. She looks positively lethal in this light. My skin crawls with the effort to not jump into the river and swim away or, the more likely option, crawl into her lap and kiss her deeply. I tilt my head thoughtfully before I return my stare into the fire. Lexa has that effect I guess. Her presence seems innocent enough at first but the fire in her eyes betrays her. Shes a warrior at heart . . . My lust-filled mind whispers a beautiful one.

Sometimes in the war meetings I get the feeling she stares at me. I get this prickling feeling on the back of my neck like someones watching me. It scared me at first, felt kind of creepy but when I saw it was her gaze I started to shiver with how intense it became. She simply tilted her chin down half a centimeter and I was lost. I couldn't decide whether I should grab Octavia's sword and defend myself or stalk up to her throne and grab her holding her close. Like the fire I was peering into, Lexa was dangerous to look at and even more daunting to touch. My fists clench where they were around my thighs trying to hold myself together. I hide my mouth behind my crossed arms atop my knees, trying not to let her see my dilemma. This whole predicament seemed like a fun oppurtunity to try to win Lexa over again, to make her want me back but honestly going near her was equal parts scary and intoxicating.

I feared that if I got too close this time I'd get burned . . . Badly. Trying again would only lead to another rejection. Since it was so close to the last one, I decided then and there in my head it'd be better to give my heart a break. Maybe for a long length of time. The Commander was a strong leader who was reserved and lethal and wanted absolutely nothing to do with any part of me.

Besides, the snarky part of my mind I hated whisperd to me, With how many times she's turned you down she probably thinks you're just some slut looking to be a Commander groupie. 

My vision got blurry with tears but I closed them instantly and held myself still as stone, hunched over and covering myself. Its better to just stay still for a second, get a grip of the rising tide of my emotions, and lie down on my side to sleep. Once I wake up we can get out and I'll return to the Med Bay to help out Mom. She needs another healer and helping the grounders care for their sick will help both them and the alliance. My skin becomes warmed by the fire and I slowly shift until my right side is touching the dusty ground of the dark cave.

I glance at Lexa. Her eyes were closed as if she was meditating or something.

"Good night Lexa." I say.

I wait for a reply but she is stone incarnate. Her eyelids don't even flutter. I try not to take it personally. Any time she so much as talked to me in the past, my efforts in bedding her came back with a vengeance.

_0_

It was only when Clarke was in a deep sleep that Lexa opened her eyes and gazed on the smooth skin of her own inner desires. "Good night Clarke." said Lexa despairingly. Her gaze flicks over every inch of exposed skin wanting to commit this to memory. Secretly she had been enjoying Clarke's efforts, some of them wavering from amusing to startling to downright dirty. But the core belief that didn't allow her to budge one inch for Clarke, was that if she allowed this girl in she would never be able to let go. She sighed sadly, quietly relishing the smell of Clarke's skin. Like lemons and flowers and sunshine and sex. Her lungs burned with it. Lexa's hands tightened around her amour, the hard leather biting into her skin.

No. Lexa swiftly got up and backed away into the cave's shadows. Love is weakness. 

Her heart hammered as her desire pumped through her veins like adrenaline. NO . . . Em Pleni.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Hold on. HOLD ON! . . . Nope. Still don't own The 100 :(


	10. My fight is over

I barely let Raven finish as I drop the radio in my hand in shock and run full sprint for the woods. The last scouting party had seen the Mountain Men spying on us near Anya's village. But the Commander was coming to meet me. I took down the Mountain Men, I'm reviving her people. If the Mountain men assacinate Lexa it will be my fault. They have her picture, they can have a sniper take her down before her guards see anything. My breath comes out painfully as a stich in my side halts my progress. I'm almost to the edge of the forest about 10 miles outside of Tondc. I breathe in and out until I freeze not daring to move an inch. Now that I'm immobile I notice something. There is no noise. No birds in the trees, insects flying around, there's not even wind in the trees. I was being watched. I slowly move getting up from being bended at the waist and try to casually make my way to the river, holding the handle of my gun.

I casually brush my hand over it as I bend again, bending down to the water as if I was going to take a drink.

My blond hair swings forward covering my face and my eyes, which are roving the canopy in the trees looking for the sniper. I could practically feel the eyes. Where are they?

A memory of my father and I sitting down, watching a movie comes back to me. It was about the ground only prehistoric animals had been breeded. A hunter was going after a velociraptor and he felt predator eyes on him as well. A line that stuck out to me- "Who's hunting who?" 

I swallow trying not panic when I hear a crack of a twig being crushed underfoot.

I quickly whip around, gun in hand and aiming at the perpetrator.

Its aimed at a group of grounders traveling horseback, who were staring at me. I breath a sigh of relief when I recognise Lexa, her eyes marked in kohl. She stood in the middle of her guards, regarding me in silence.

I almost smile. I forgot how beautiful she was. And how silent the Grounders travel in the woods.

I start to lower my gun when her guard yells at me trigedasleng. I open my mouth to reply when I see something behind them, behind Lexa.

He's hiding in the tree a few feet away and his gun was trained on her! I re-aim my gun and shoot, aiming for his head. The man is knocked back into the tree following the sound of the bullet leaving my weapon. I start to smile victoriously, staring past them at the dead Mountain Man when I feel something strange. I look down, lips parted in surprise, at the dagger embedded in my stomach. Blood starts to pool around the wound and the pain starts to get noticeable, going from a sort of numb pulling sensation to feeling like my insides were on fire.

I drop my gun and stare up at the young grounder a few feet away from me whose hand is outstretched having just thrown the blade. My eyes flutter before I drop to my knees, my strength leaving me. I cough, blood spurting out. My knowledge of war wounds tell me this is bad. I look up confusedly at Lexa, her mouth open in horror at the dead Mountain Man behind her. She saw I wasnt trying to kill her, I was trying to save her. She whipped her head around to me eyes roving around my face for an explanation.

I'm on my knees, hand holding my bleeding stomach before black spots impeded my vision and I fall to my side, the world turning sideways. The dirt and leaves are disturbed by my sudden fall, giving me a view of the horses hooves.

I smile distantly. I loved horses, they were amazing creatures. I never thought I'd be able to see one before I died.

Before that thought could end I hear an anguished scream and suddenly Anya is there holding my head up.

"Clarke? Clarke! No,no. No Clarke. Your fight isnt over yet." cries Anya.

I smile and touch her face, there was water on her cheeks. She was crying.

"Such a drama queen. Can't you let me die in peace." I try to say lightly. A cough racks my body, more blood seeping from my throat and clogging my mouth. It tasted like metal. I cringe, not liking the twangs of pain I'm getting from my chest.

"No. Clarke no. Commander, please. Get a healer. This is the Witness! Please." begs Anya.

Apparently Anya didnt come alone. Charlotte is there too, horror on her face as she cautiously comes close. I distantly remember asking Anya to look after her today.

Tears come from Charlotte as she sees the big knife sticking out from my body.

"Mom?"said Charlotte. I raise my hand, frowning at how much effort it takes to do that now.

"Charlotte." I whisper. She drops down to the ground, taking hold of my hand.

"Mommy." cries Charlotte. The girl had taken to calling me that after I took her in. The sound of it use to warm me but in this moment it just breaks my heart.

"Its going to be okay kid. . . May we meet again." I say as strong as I can.

Anya looks around desperately for the healer Lexa ordered. He wasn't here. And I knew deep inside he wouldn't get here in time.

Charlotte shakes her head side to side not wanting to believe this was happening.

"This isn't happening. Its just a nightmare. I'm going to wake up and you'll be fine." says Charlotte.

I smile sadly and caress her small face, smoothing back a small braid behind her ear.

"Life's a nightmare, Charlotte. Its better to face it head on." I say. The Commander orders the young grounder to be binded and taken to Anya's village for punishment. She didnt order him to act, he just foolishly did it because he was a kid.

I shake my head sadly and turn to Anya. "Promise me something." I ask.

Anya's face tries to mask her pain. She knows I'm going to die. Despite her trying to look indifferent she whispers, "Anything."

I reach over, my hand mostly sliding to her hand. I grip it as hard as I can and say "Dont kill him."

Anger and grief pulls at Anya's face against her will. "But he did this."

I grip her hand harder and say "No. He's just a child thinking he was protecting his leader. Dont kill him. For me."

Tears drop from her eyes as she drops her head in defeat.

"As you wish. . . And what do I tell your people?" she asks desperately.

I smile, not feeling the pain anymore. "Tell them to listen to Bellamy and to behave. To remember what I taught them and at least try to work at peace between everyone." My voice is growing fainter by the minute and I'm not even trying to hold my head up.

The blood from my wound is seeping into my shirt making it uncomfortable. A few minutes pass in silence until even that feeling passes.

Nyko drops down from his horse cautiously coming up the grounders looking sadly at me.

"Witness. You are looking unwell." he says smiling sadly at me, trying for a joke. I blink slowly and croak "Ha ha."

He shakes his head at the Commander who looked almost angry. I knew she was angry I had been taken before she could interrogate me. Now she'll never know. Inwardly I say, Now she'll never know me.

She glances at me feeling my stare. I smile sadly and break off the stare down to look at the sky.

It was twilight letting a few stars sparkle above me. I sigh and say "Yu gonplei ste odon."

I close my eyes feeling very sleepy.

 

(A/N: I changed Clarke's nickname to "Witness" instead of "Sky Princess", because I was honestly getting sick of that name.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the 100 series. But to be honest if you tried to sue me all you'd get is a coupon to Quiznos. Sallie Mae's a bitch


	11. Jus drein jus daun

As Indra threatened me Anya stepped in front of me.

"Stop Indra. This is the girl who healed our village. She took care of the children, persevered against the sicknesses. She even healed Jaffa."

Indra stiffened. Her back straightened but I could see the unmistakeable pain in her eyes. "That is not possible. He was taken. By the Mountain Men."

Anya shook her head.

"He was turned by those monsters into a Reaper. Clarke turned him back." There was a commotion as a man with light skin burst into the tent. Lexa stood to her feet as he pushed through the crowd to the front and stared at Indra.

Indra cried out in surprise. She looked like she wanted to go embrace him but she cautiously looked at me, even now unwilling to leave the Commander. The man obviously did not care for her hesitation because he said "Indra" and stepped forward wrapping his arms around his beloved.

A depressing thought hit me. _I wish that was me and Finn_

Indra stood stock still, her hand still on the hilt of her sword. I was half afraid she would stab him, many not trusting their eyes when it came to Reapers.

"You can turn Reapers back into men?" asked Lexa.

I didn't take my eyes off the scene, for fear of what she'd find in my eyes. I was always too transperant with her.

I nod once then look away from the private moment.

"I've only done it to five so far. The trick is to keep them alive long enough for the drug to get out of their system. . . The latest capture was one, I think he was called Lincoln." I finally raise my eyes to meet hers.

"Would you like to see his transformation?" I ask silently.

Lexa steps forward, her eyes scanning my face rapidly. Her eyes hold a subtle challenge. I look back to Indra, who has seemed to come out of her paralysis to hug the man, not interested.

"Show me Lincoln." Lexa demands.

I take her and her guards to the drop ship.

A large part of me was glad that instead of Anya's 300 warriors, I used the rocket fuel to kill a large group of deadly Reapers. But the other part of me was still grieving over those sick people. The Mountain Men had turned strong men into monsters. At least now they were at peace.

The first time, they stared at the bodies in horror and grief. Now they stood in the ashes in only wonderous triumph. I stop at the entrance to see them looking at all the dead Reapers. Some stare at me in awe but I just catch sight of the burnt bones and my stomache rolls in sickness. They were people, just really sick people. I look to Lexa and her chin drops down in that challenge again.

I lower my eyes to the ground before her. Really, I couldn't handle it. She was too much. For some reason the 100 elected me leader. But I wasn't truly a leader, just a healer.

_I concede defeat._

_"_ He's this way." I whisper.

Jaffa scrambles up to my side before I enter and talks to me in rapid fire Tridasleng.

"Mochof. Mochof Clarke de skeikru! Moch-" his face was in earnest as he thanked me.

I smile faintly and bow my head. "Em pleni. You welcome, Jaffe de Tridekru." I say partly in Tridasleng.

I gently clasp his forearm in a handshake and say "Jus drein jus draun."

I hope he gets my meaning. This blood oath means something different to me. I was a part of his village now, so his blood was mine. And the sky people, well some of them, always looked out for their blood, their family.

If Lexa was surprised I knew their language she didn't comment on it. She just raised her eyebrow.

I ignored it and gestured her inside.

The Grounders this time didn't draw their swords. I was so thankful of their trust in me but it would happen when they saw Lincoln's haggard appearance.

"He is still not well. Please stay back, for your safety." I warn them.

I scramble up the ladder before I can see their offense.

Octavia just steps in front of me seeing I brought unexpected company. Only her eyes showed her alarm.

I brush her arm minutely to comfort her. "Its okay. They only wish to see him. I promise."

Her eyes scan me and she nods stepping back to Lincoln.

He was sleeping but still very much tied up. His hands and feet were tied down, his shirt open to leave his muscular torso bare.

As the Woods Clan slowly entered the room, the noise jarred him awake and he growled screaming and fighting against his binds.

I could hear the sound of metal scraping as the Tridekru unsheathed their swords.

Octavia hurried to his head, talking to Lincoln to let him know she was there. I stood above examining him before grabbing the electronic taser from the drawer where my Mom left it.

_Here it comes._

As expected, Lincoln started to convulse. His muscles contracted in an effort to get oxygen through his veins. His back bowed and shook while his eyes rolled up into his head. He abruptly stopped moving, and a quick glance at his chest showed he wasn't breathing.

Octavia screamed, sobbing out shaking Lincoln and begging him to wake up.

"Lincoln. Lincoln! . . . Please, dont do this. Wake up. Please. Clarke. Save him."

Her blue eyes were leaking tears as she hovered over him.

I remembered Lexa's words from this the first time, filled with hate and fear. _You lied._

Inwardly my heart rebelled. _No. She's the liar._

I extend the taser fast, the glowing tip making the Grounders gasp.

I reach over his body and touch the baton to his heart. It makes a crack noise as the electricity courses through his body making it arch unnaturally.

I wait a moment, his breathing not coming back. His body is still. Octavia cries loudly wanting to touch him but knowing enough about these devices to stay well enough back.

I reach out and hit him again. His breath comes back and his eyes open wide in surprise.

He barely evens his breathing before he croaks out, "Octavia?"

She cries out then bends her head covering him with kisses. "Thank you Clarke. Thankyou. Lincoln, Lincoln. Lincoln." croons Octavia.

I smile at her gently, glad to have him back. He was a good person. I just had to keep an eye on his addiction. I know he would fight it eventually, for Octavia and himself, but its best to assist.

I snap my wrist detracting the baton to its basic handle. I swiftly turn on my heel, ignoring the astonished looks Lexa and her group was giving me returning the weapon to its rightful place in the weapons cabinet behind them.

They parted before me like the Red Sea. My lips twitch just a bit. So strange.

"Come on. I expect there's much to discuss." I say as I close the cabinet and turn to face the warriors before me.

Before the Grounders could respond steps were heard on the metal ladder. I waited patiently but stiffened as I saw Charlotte hurrying over. She dodged the Grounders running up to me. Her blonde hair was matted to her forehead, it being obvious she ran for a long length of time. Her face showed she wasn't afraid just anxious.

Charlotte looked up at the tall, domineering Grounder closest to me. His face was scowling but his eyes were twinkling in amusement. He was easily 4 times her size!

She ripped her gaze away as I softly asked, "Charlotte? What are you doing here? You know you're suppose to stay in camp."

She darted up to me tugging my jacket until I hunched down for her to whisper in my ear. Her small hands cupped around my ear as she spoke trying to hide her words from our audience.

I smile at her childlike quirks. I tilted my head for her, my eyes warm with love looking to the ground. The warmth slowly receded as she whispered to me.

"Murphy showed back at camp. He attacked Wells again and almost got me too. I knew you'd want to know."

My eyes glared down at the floor. I tried to keep still, wanting to burst into action, rip open the cabinet grab a sword and go to camp to hack Murphy to pieces. How dare he attack Charlotte! And Wells? No. No he will never put his hands on her or anyone ever again. This ends right now.

"Clarke?" asks Charlotte worriedly. I swallow and smooth my hands over her tangled hair.

I put both hands on each side of her face and stare into her eyes, wanting to be clear.

"Okay Char, here's what I want you to do. You are going to go to Auntie Octavia and you are not to leave her side, okay? Not for anything."

Her face showed doubt. "But-"

"No Charlotte. Not for anything", my voice doesn't change but she could see in my eyes I am absolutely serious.

She nods her head and hurries over to Octavia who was huddled near Lincoln. She hugged Charlotte tightly, nodding at me when she was my alarm and worse, fear.

I breathe glancing up at the Grounders. "I apologize. There's a disruption at my camp."

I back away until I'm leaning on the metal wall behind us. I casually bend my knee and kick back at the metal making a bang noise three times.

"Raven?" I call out. She's usually in the vents, working on the rocket fuel gauge that Murphy shot out last time.

The grounders almost jerk in startled realization as Raven pops her head out of the vent opening above us. "Yeah?"

Her dark hair is around her face as her body hangs upside down, half out of the chute.

"Can you hand me your gun? There's someone I have to kill." I casually ask. My icy eyes and worn frown tell her everything.

Her face drops sympathetically. She knew this would happen. He almost killed her too.

"Murphy?" she asks assuming who it was.

I nod and raise my hands out to catch the weapon as she nimbly reaches into her pocket and passes it down.

"Did he . . . ?" she asks not knowing if she should say in front of the Woods Clan.

I nod my head. "Wells. But Charlotte is safe." I say nodding my head over to my girl next to Octavia as I routinely check the gun for bullets and cock it sliding it in the back of my jeans.

"I am sorry Commander. I have business to attend to. This wont take but a hour. Can I meet you somewhere?" I ask.

Her eyes trace over my face then at everyone in the room before she nods, sheathing her sword. "Yes. Indra will show you in once you arrive back in Tondc." She says this then stalks off, her people glancing around curiously before they too leave.

Charlotte breaks away from Octavia's arms before I leave.

"What are you going to do?" she asks, standing before me.

I sigh and kneel down. "What I have to. You and everyone else needs to be safe."

Her face saddens. She never wanted me to kill for her. "Don't."

I shake my head sadly and trace her arms holding her hands. "I cant promise that. But you know what? When this is over, its you and me. Pinky promise?" I hold my pinky out secretly enjoying our foolish tradition. Whenever things got to be too much for either of us we would climb the trees high as we could go and watch the stars, wishing on the ones that shot across the sky. It was becoming my favorite thing to do. We mostly went because neither of us could sleep.

She dejectedly holds my pinky. She nods and hurries back to Octavia, her arms wrapping about the little girl.

Octavia looks up at me, relief at her lover being okay playing across her face. She mouths at me, _Give him hell_. And winks. Her anger at what he tried to do in the past sparking the warrior in her.

I wink back before unfolding myself and jumping down the ladder wanting to get this over with. Murphy was going to die. Tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the 100. Sorry. Clexa would still be strong if I did ;)


	12. Clarity

"You are drunk" said Lexa.

I tried to shake my head adamantly but that almost swept me off my feet. I hold someone's shoulder in alarm. Was this poison?

"I don't drink. Alcohol, it . . . I hate the effects." My words are garbled and slurred but get clearer when I try to keep still. I take a step but almost go down. Gustus helpfully steadies my torso, his strong grip holding my bicep firmly as the room spins.

My vision clears just enough for Lexa's worried gaze to catch my eyes. "Did your drink taste strange at all?"

Before I could answer Bellamy, Abby, Murphy and Raven come near us laughing about something. They see my guards hovering in concern and rush over.

"Clarke? Are you okay?" asks Raven.

I try to answer but Lexa interrupted me. "Someone has put alcohol into Clarke's drink." said Lexa.

I try to ask who would do that but I was suddenly fascinated with the stars. They were so pretty, like diamonds in the sky.

Octavia giggles as I grin up at nothing and raise my arms above my head. "Wow, she's really hammered."

The Grounder next to me squinted up in confusion trying to see what I was pawing at.

Bellamy's face filled with suspicion and possessive protection reaching forward to grab my wrist. He may not have known a lot about war but he scanned the men next to me, having seen this plenty of times on the Ark during his guard days.

"Clarke, did you take any drinks from a stranger? Is he here?" he asked. Raven and the others glanced at each other in alarm. It was a celebration sure, but they remembered me ranting about all the negative effects alcohol could have on their health. I wouldn't drink.

The Grounders stiffened in surprise and offense. They shifted angrily and reached for the hilt of their swords ready for a fight. Most of them having taken part in the libations of the evening were obviously not thinking clearly.

The angry tension brought me out of my reverie and I looked around sobering slightly. No, they would never hurt me. I don't want them to get hurt or fight over me. I push away Gustus' protective arm and stumble forward between the two groups.

I push my arms out to either side. Raven looked amused when it became obvious I wasn't pushing them apart but holding onto the two people nearest in proximity, Bellamy and Lexa, for support. I really was drunk.

"No. The Woods Clan mean me no harm . . . As a sign of good faith I'll stay for the night."

Bellamy and my mom looked at me disbelief but relented when I gazed at them steadily not giving an inch. My stubbornness knew no bounds. They nodded and looked to the ground sighing. I was touched Bellamy didn't want me hurt but this would harm the alliance more. The atmosphere relaxed slightly when I showed my trust but the two groups didn't leave to enjoy the feast or music.

Deciding to diffuse the tension, I say rather loudly "Just don't let me get any tattoos."

It worked. Slowly, the tension broke. The Arkers relaxed their tense stances, laughing.

The Grounders chuckled saying in trideslang they would keep my skin untouched. Others made crude gestures some how pertaining to my supposed virginity. I snorted while Anya looked amused by my sudden blushing red face.

"What'd they say?" asked Murphy suspiciously.

My mom looked at me curiously and glanced at the guards.

My amusement turned into horror as I looked to Lexa wide eyed for help.

Lexa glared at the men sternly scattering them before they could translate. "Have no worries tonight. I will protect Clarke."

"I'll hold you to that. Clarke, drink lots of fluids and get some rest." said my Mom gently. She worriedly looked me over but Raven pulled her away at my pleading glance.

"Its okay Mama Griffin. The Woods Clan has her covered. She's one of them now." reassures Raven. I smile at her in thanks as the Sky People start to leave. It was a long walk back to Tondc and it was late. They all start to depart together, most waving at me over their shoulders.

"Take care of our Princess", warned Bellamy as he stepped away. Octavia playfully pushed him further and stepped forward to hug me.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." she whispered. Octavia winked then skipped away, arm around Lincoln's waist.

I laugh at her quip and shake my head waving my arm wildly at my people's retreat. I glance around and jump when I see Lexa's gaze on me.

"You're scary when you do that." I slurred.

"Do what?" asked Lexa.

"Look at me with those dark eyes. You're kind of . . . kind of terrifying." I say as I stumble towards her.

Confusion fills her eyes as she reaches out and steadies me. "I terrify you?"

I shake my head no. "No, no." I raise up my finger and shake it but then become fascinated with my hand. I flip it over and wave it around slowly looking enthralled by it.

"No, I like terrifying. Im not bothered by it. But when you're in the room you scare people." I sigh and use my interesting hand to pat her shoulder. "Its intense. Can you teach me? Does the war paint help? I was serious about the tattoos though."

Lexa shakes her head at me bemused. "Teach you what?" She starts to lead me towards her tent. I hold onto her arm focusing on putting one foot after the other while I speak.

"To be scary. My death glare is about as effective as Bellamy's attempts to flirt with me." I say sadly.

An unexpected husky laugh purrs in my ear, I almost fall in shock. Lexa laughed!

I smile widely at her as we finally enter her tent. "You laughed! I didn't think that was possible!" I hug her happily, glad I achieved it. Her body stiffens under my arms but I don't care. She was soft and smelled nice. I hum and nuzzle her neck.

"Mmmmm. Thanks for protecting me Leksa. Mochof." I whisper. I withdraw from her stiff form and sway further into the room.

"Theres so much room here." I fling my arms around widely but laugh as this causes me to suddenly fall into Lexa's throne.

"It was very tiny on the Ark you know. You wouldn't see it now but there was so many people! I use to look down on this world and dream I was in the forest." I drape myself on the arm rests laying across it horizontally.

Lexa stays across the tent just staring at me.

"Now I'm here. Apart from the crazy mountain people, and deadly animals and the acid fog, its everything I thought it'd be. Big and beautiful." As I finish I roll my head to the side to look at Lexa. She was beautiful.

My eyes run over the Commander's face, tracing her war paint and smoky green eyes, and full lips. Its when desire stirs low in my belly that Octavia's words run through my head.

_Oh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the 100, she said bitterly.


	13. Holo-Clarke

Bellamy's eyes hardened upon seeing the Commander. She arrived on her horse accompanied by a large host of guards including Indra. The woman left his people to die in the hands of the Mountain Men. He had half a mind to tell them to leave but then he remembered Clarke's message. He didn't know what was on it but he got the feeling that Clarke _needed_ him to deliver it.

"Commander" greeted Bellamy. His eyes shifted behind Lexa catching the eye of the grounder who helped him collect the caged Tridekru in the mountain. He looked away not wanting to remember how they all just fled.

"Bellamy" said Lexa. Her eyes were filled with trepidation. She sat stiffly on her horse glancing around him in search for someone.

"She's not here." said Bellamy, knowing who the Commander wanted to see.

Lexa's eyes hardened hiding what little emotion he could glean. "When will Clarke be back?" she asked hoarsely.

Lexa's hands clenched around the leather reins already knowing in the pit of her stomach the answer.

Bellamy just shook his head, his expression grim.

He shifted on his feet, ignoring the looks he was getting from everyone on camp. They would assault him with questions as soon as he turned around so he decided to give Lexa the message in private, unsure if Clarke wanted anyone else to know.

"We should probably continue this conversation in private. At the drop ship?" he prompted. Lexa cautiously nodded glaring at the small crowd swelling behind him and ordering her guards to retreat.

Bellamy nodded to Abby and Marcus and walked behind the Grounders wondering what the hell Clarke got him into. "She better not stab me over you, Princess." he muttered to himself.

-0-

The ashes had long been cleaned away and the bones disposed in an unmarked grave. But the horrors of what happened there lingered in the singed ground and dark shadows permeating the clearing.

 _Stay outside_ , Lexa barked in Tridasleng. The guards nodded at her order and glared into the forest surrounding them on all sides. Many tales were told about what happened here. They were cautious in enemy territory.

Bellamy sighed as he walked ahead of the Grounder leader, his hand holding a black box. He stopped in the middle of the room on the second level of the ship. Lexa's face was free of war paint but Bellamy still shifted on his feet when her glare caught his eyes.

"Clarke left you a message. She said if you were to ever come by looking for her specifically she wanted you to have this." said Bellamy. He held out the box and out it on the floor pressing the button. "I'll be just down stairs." he said.

His feet made a metal clanking noise as he descended. The torches some of the Grounders were holding lit up the clearing that was slowly growing dark. He stepped just inside of the entrance of the drop ship and crossed his arms hoping Clarke knew what she was doing.

The Commander stood uncertainly staring at the box on the floor. She wondered why Bellamy didn't just hand it over. She was about to step forward when the object made a high pitched noise and opened.

Her heart beat faster when she saw none other than Clarke. One minute she wasn't there and then she just appeared!

"Clarke?" she gasped. Lexa looked into blue eyes as bright as the sun. But something was wrong. Clarke appeared frozen, not even moving to breathe and her eyes.

Her eyes look through her as if Lexa wasn't there.

The Commander almost called out for Bellamy but something strange happened. Clarke flickered. She blinked out of existence then reappeared, same as before.

Lexa holds her arm out but freezes as it sticks through Clarke's form. Where Clarke was suppose to be solid and warm there was just nothing. The image wavered around Lexa's appendage before snapping back to place as she retreated. Lexa dropped her arm staring at imposter Clarke in surprise.

"What is this? Where is Clarke?" she asked.

"Lexa . . ." says Clarke. The voice was unmistakenly Clarke's but it crackled, like the voices that came out of the Sky People's technology called a radio.

Lexa looked at the image in confusion. Clarke left this as a message?

"If you have received this message, then I'm sure it must be very confusing. All I can tell you is that I'm not there. I don't actually know where I'm going. But first you should know that my people have banished me, for crimes committed in the Battle of Mount Weather."

 _What?,_ Lexa thought. Her eyes widened.

"You were right about war. It _is_ sacrifice. I understand that because I've given up parts of myself every moment since I've set foot on the ground. I chose to give them up in return for my people, killing every Mountain Man and ending that threat."

Clarke's pain tightened her face. Lexa could feel it too, thinking about everyone who betrayed the Sky Princess. First someone she considered her friend and then her own people.

"But my society was built on the understanding that every life is precious. And I think I forgot that in my mission to save my people."

Clarke nods to herself. "Its right that I'm apart from them. I bear it- so they don't have to."

Her image flickers again, Lexa now certain this was technology that belonged to the Sky Clan.

"Before I go I want you to know that I understand your choices as well. A leader must lead with her head, not her heart. But I've learned the hard way that this position costs you your soul in the end. I don't want that to happen to you."

The imposter Clarke's shoulders hunched under a great burden that Lexa understood all too well.

"Love _is_ a weakness. But it is also a strength. I hope one day you see that. I hope one day you use it . . ."

Clarkes eyes inexplicably found Lexa's. Despite her knowing it was only a shadow of Clarke, Lexa held her breath seeing a brightness there that she thought lost for some time now.

"I would have liked to have gone to Polis with you . . . I bet its beautiful."

A tear fell from Clarke's eye shining like a star before the video cut out.

Lexa fell to her knees hands hovering the box wanting Clarke back however knowing she was most likely far, far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, own "The 100"
> 
> A/N: Please excuse the horrid title, its a play on words. Its a hologram/ a hollow Clarke x) Smh


	14. Sweet Nothing cont.

Lexa stood in Clarke's tent dreading what she had to do.

_The Sky Princess' reaction to the kiss had caused her to run headlong into a dangerous forest. Lexa ran after her. To protect her, to explain. After the third hour looking for Clarke, Lexa had returned to her tent to discover Indra waiting for her._

_"Heda."_

_"Indra, gather the horses. We must look for the Skaikru's leader. She seems to be missing."_

_"Heda, if I may speak freely?" asked Indra roughly._

_Lexa paused and nodded seeing her General's displeasure._

_"There has been a disturbance at the bazaar. The Sky people Raven and Octavia has caused an altercation with Thalia after your . . . display." says Indra, referring to the kiss._

_Lexa's heart stung with the pain remembering the look on Clarke's face. She seemed so hurt. Lexa ached wanting to explain, to get her back._

_"Commander, you must not give in to the Sky Person Clarke. She is not to be trusted. And your people will see you weak if you do not treat this incident with harsh retribution."_

_Lexa's eyes flicked up to meet Indra's, hardening at her words._

_"Do you think me weak, Indra?" asks Lexa sharply._

_Indra, knowing she has overstepped lower her head obediently. "No, Heda."_

_"The Tridekru do not question my choices nor see me as weak because it is I who lead them. Now go and tell the rest that it is I who will deal with this however I see fit." bites out Lexa._

_"Yes Heda" says Indra bowing out._

_Lexa's mind flits around Indra's words as she disappears from her tent._

_This was not good. The Tree people had never questioned the Commander before. An alliance between them and the Sky People certainly raised some eyebrows but nothing to this degree._

_It was clear that what happened in the bazaar today greatly impaired what Lexa had built on the Sky People's behalf. A trust that their Commander was not swayed by the Sky Princess._

_Lexa sat down heavily in her throne thinking over what she had just tried to do. To put together a search party and risk their lives in the dark forest looking for Clarke would only affirm the tridekru's belief that their Commander was in the girl's hold. That she was weak._

_Her hands tightened around the dagger in her hand. She knew what she had to do._

Clarke needed to have no allusions of any kind of life between them now or in the future. Lexa did not miss the longing looks thrown her way by the cloudling. She was sure she must have thrown a fair amount back. Just because they had peace now did not mean that she was enjoying the distance between them. A friendship didn't keep her bed warm at night. Lexa wanted Clarke by her side every second. She had hoped that with time her people would see there was no threat to them by the Sky People or their leader.

It seems the Commander was wrong. And had been willfully blind. Because now, Lexa had to irreparably harm their tentative friendship and break Clarke's heart. The Skaikru's leader needed to stay away. To move on.

* * *

On the walk to Lexa's tent, my mind wandered to a time when things like pain were almost nonexistent. The harsh way of life we had on the Ark now pales in comparison to the daily fight for survival we entertain here. Two years ago there were just movie nights with Wells, Unity Day dances amidst the stars, working in the Med level with my Mom, talking about the environment and engineering with my Dad.

I tug on the watch that was safely attached to my wrist. Like everything here, it was tainted with bad blood, with Finn. But it originally came from my father and that was why I refused to get rid of it. It had witnessed some bad things but some really great moments as well.

I'm just hoping that I can get over my feelings for Lexa before they ruin a chance at a decent friendship between us. The last thing that I want is to see her, say hurtful things and spend our time together after in an awkward, angry silence.

So I try to focus on the good moments. When Lexa calmy talked to me, trying to teach me in her own way how to best lead my people. When we walked side by side and if she ever felt I needed the support she'd brush against me fleetingly so I'd know she was there. When we'd be in private meetings about the war and she'd get exasperated with my stubbornness, so she'd yell and attack. Part of me knew I should be scared, Lexa was quite intense and forbidding in her demeanor but I was incidentally equal parts annoyed and aroused.

Those good moments, however few, were what kept me going after she rejected me. She didn't do it in any way harshly she just calmly said it would put the alliance at risk if she was to show any favor for any one clan. I understood but part of me always felt she wasn't telling the truth. At the time I was only focused on picking up the pieces of my dignity quickly and licking my wounds in secret. But now that I had just started to be okay with being friends, I realized I wanted _her_.

_Wait, what?!_

I stop in my tracks towards the Commander's tent at the edge of Polis and stand stockstill.

No. Oh no. No, I thought I was over this! Friendship. An alliance. A strictly business partnership with another equal, Lexa was crystal clear. Nothing more, definitely nothing more was allowed.

But my heart sunk as I truly examined myself remembering that unfortunate kiss I witnessed. I was still torn apart. Just deluding myself that I was okay. The pain. I wince holding my hand against my waist. The pain was too great to live with. That along with the realization I was rejected mainly because she had no feelings for me did me in. I was wrecked.

Tears blur my vision and I cross my arms as my feelings surface. It wasn't just a crush, it wasn't just rejection. What I felt was stronger than anything I could remember feeling. Like an ache but deeper.

It hurt and felt good at the same time. It was love.

_I'm in love with the Commander._

Making a quick decision I change my course and head for my own tent. Feeling this way would only bring heartbreak. Lexa is with someone else. She is the Commander and said in no uncertain terms that she would not be in a relationship with me. And the alliance would not be put in danger because the Sky People's leader couldn't conduct herself accordingly.

My mind is swirling with these thoughts of the rejection, of Lexa's partner, of the love I had and will never confess to Lexa. It was all just a big mess.

But one things for sure. Tomorrow at the next war meeting, it was going to be hell.

My body feels cold. Distantly I look up and my lips parted in mild surprise that I didn't notice it was raining. Shivering I keep my arms crossed and practically dive into my tent shedding my wet jacket and toeing off my boots.

Its only when I gather my wet hair to the side of my neck that I feel eyes on me. The prickling feeling is familiar and my eyes close tight praying that it wasn't what I thought. No, no, no. I needed more time.

I turn around and face her. Lexa's face is clear of her war paint and my stomach lurched. I always like it to be clear like that, clean. I'm better able to see her beauty.

Through the momentary daze I was caught in, I was able to see her face was stone as well. She always seemed composed and onguard but this was different. She seemed _angry_.

"Lexa, are you o-"

"I will be addressed as the Commander." said Lexa her voice sharp.

I flinched nodding in understanding. She must be angry I ran, probably upsetting her girlfriend in the bazaar and worrying everyone when I went into the forest alone. I cleared my throat and turned around to hide my pain, focusing on taking the bag slung across my shoulders and placing it on the table in my tent.

Facing the tent wall, I tried to get my bearings not wanting to see the keeper of my heart so close yet so far away. _She's with someone. Shes with someone_ , I berate myself.

"Is there something you need?" I ask shakily.

"Why did you run from me in the bazaar?" she asks silently, ignoring my question.

I look to the heavens and pray that I'll get through this in one piece.

I whirl around pasting a smile on my face.

"Sorry about that. I just wasn't expecting . . . Um." My throat closes as the kiss replays in my minds eye.

"When Thalia kissed me." finished Lexa.

I search her face for any emotion but she was master of the poker face. The only thing I could glean was her anger.

"It was a surprise." I offer, not entirely sure of how to reply.

Silence greets me before I focus my eyes on her wet clothes hugging her form. I immediately avert my gaze.

"I can assure you it was not what it looked like." said Lexa calmly.

My lips twitched. It was impossible that we could be so different culturally and still have that lame ass excuse in common. I saw her kiss another person. Plain and simple.

"It seemed pretty cut and dry from my position."

"She kissed me in a poor attempt at getting more power, my power as Heda. It was not entirely reciprocated."

My heart still stings from the not _entirely_ reciprocated part but I smile as I step forward.

"Is that why you're here, because I was-upset?"

"Yes, but not for your benefit. Your reaction seems to have caused a stir among our people. Your friends nearly caused a fight with Thalia, the woman in the bazaar, in reaction to your hurt."

This was said matterfactually and I cross my arms inwardly upset at her anger at me. At her disregard of what hurts me.

"I will talk to them."

"Make sure that you do. And that you keep your opinions about any of my partners in my bed to yourself. You could unknowingly cause another war."

Okay that hurt.

Lexa calmly walks past me and moves to exit my tent

"Loving me is not a wise choice Clarke. I hope you know that." said Lexa.

I drop my head. So she knows. I had hope she saw it as just a crush but she knew. She knew I loved her. As her steps retreated my heart broke a little further getting the message loud and clear. She did not love me back.

* * *

**A/N: I officially have too much time on my hands. Here's another version of Sweet Nothing Part 2! What? I'm a sucker for a happy ending!**

* * *

There was no guard. My stomache dropped. I wrung my hands glancing around for someone-anyone. I _really_ didn't want to go in.

I had a plan. I was prepared. There was going to be a guard and he would nod at me to go in or step in front of me in all his behemoth glory to shield me from going into that tent. Her tent.

My eyes burned as I stood there wondering if she was alone. She had to be alone. I may have accepted her rejection but I don't think I can handle seeing them together like that again. Kissing was an act of trust and mutual love. Lexa could have that with me but she doesn't. She had it with the girl in the bazaar.

I bit my lip and cursed under my breath deciding to just get this over with. It'd be harder to control my facial expressions at the next council meeting in front of the clan's leaders, their guards . . . Lexa.

I sighed and glued my eyes to the ground.

 _Please be alone, please be alone. Please be alone_ , I prayed.

I pushed aside the tent flaps and walked straight in asking aloud "Heda?"

A noise had me looking up on instinct. My heart beats faster in relief. She was sitting on her throne calmly toying with her dagger.

Her body was slouched lazily and my eyes traced her form before I averted my gaze a sharp pain reminding me she wasn't mine to view like that.

"Clarke?" she asked, her voice sounding weird. I looked into her eyes and my back stiffens when I see they're red as if she had been crying.

Her face also showed relief, alarm and . . . Hope?

Confusion assaulted me before I remembered why I had come here.

"Hey. I just wanted to come by and say sorry for today." I stepped toward her stopping a few feet in front of her desperately wanting to get this over with.

I awkwardly scratch the back of my head and laugh strained.

"I just wasn't expecting . . . Um." I swallow my throat going dry at the memory.

Silence permeated the room making standing there unbearable.

"I can assure you it was not what it looked like." said Lexa,

My lips twitched. It was impossible that we could be so different culturally and still have that lame excuse in common. I saw her kiss another person. Plain and simple.

"You really dont have to explain. I just wanted to come by clear the air and start off fresh again tomorrow." I say weakly.

This conversation was the equivalent of a knife in the gut.

Seeing Lexa so close and yet so far away hurt alot.

"Clear the air?" she asks blankly. My eyes searched hers.

"I'm okay with it. You and- -that girl. I hope she makes you very happy. Now if you'll excuse me." I start to walk out not wanting to break down again.

"And what would you say if I replied that the girl means nothing to me? That I kissed her merely to forget you."

I stop in my tracks not looking back but not moving forward. A dangerous kind off my hope snuck in.

"I would say that that was not a wise choice . . . And ask if it worked."

A dark chuckle pierced the air and suddenly I could feel her standing behind me.

"No. No it didn't. Instead of forgetting this girl that fell from the sky I found myself wanting _her_ in my arms."

As she talked Lexa's arms wrapped around my waist from behind. Her breath was warm on the back of my neck and I shivered arching into her.

"Do you forgive me? For touching another?" she asked. Her voice was stiff, guarded. But I could hear the weakness under the words.

"Yes." I whispered.

I could feel her body rest against mine in relief.

"Can I touch you?" she whispered. Her hands splayed on my stomache making tingles of pleasure shoot from her fingertips.

I leaned my head back on her shoulder.

"Yes."

Lexa kissed the side of my jaw trailing her nose down until she nuzzled my neck and finally kissed there too. I arched my neck wanting her to stay there, wanting more.

Not being able to handle anymore Lexa grabbed my hip and turned me around slamming her lips on mine. She pinned me to the table kissing me deeper and deeper.

We kissed coming up for air when I felt a wetness on my cheeks.

"Why are you crying?"

"After you ran I looked for you. I looked for you and I felt that I had lost you." Lexa said.

Clarke shook her head. "No. No, I was always yours. I still am. Are- are you mine?"

"Yes." She kissed me again, bringing me close. "Yes."

I smiled happily and push her back growing serious again for a second. Remembering the horrific feeling of seeing Lexa touch another girl, I held her back until her dazed gaze cleared and she understood.

"This will never happen again."

Her lips twitched at my order and she nodded. "Never" she promised.

Lexa touched the side of my face and leaned in, deadly in the firelight. "I am yours. You are mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The 100.   
> a/n: So, here is Part 2 of Sweet Nothing


	15. Mountain Men

When Indra brandished her sword menacingly, my eyes widened and I had to clench my fists to keep myself from showing weakness and stepping back. Anya held up her hand.

"No. She can not speak well. Her voice was lost with the screams."

Lexa and Indra nodded their head in understanding.

I swallow and clear my throat when Anya nodded at me to start.

"We didn't come here to attack." I croak. My voice was scratchy and it rattled through my raw throat causing no short amount of pain. But I'd felt so much of that in the Mountain. This was barely noticeable.

I look to the skies, praying for strength while I relived what had happened.

"Our home was dieing. No food, no air. We were running out of time." I look up to their leader in desperation, so she can see I wasn't lying.

I tilt my head in memory of all that we lost and sacrificed to get here.

"Our leader Chancellor Thelonius sacrificed himself to direct our ships to the ground. However, most of the ships descended too fast and many didn't make it."

I shift as the memory of what the Council found started in my mind. That was the start of the end for us, I think to myself. I'm sure of it.

"Before our departure the Council had found a book in the library detailing a society that had hid themselves deep inside a mountain on the ground to hide from the devestation of the War. . . Remembering this, the remaining survivors, about 100 children me included, decided to travel there."

I glance at Anya. Her brows were furrowed as my story progressed. She could see my rising panic as to how we all came to be there.

"We found the mountain and the Mountain Men. . . They welcomed us with open arms." I said bitterly.

Lexa played with the dagger in her hand as I told them what we had done.

Her war paint and demeanor was disarming. I guess that was the point, to strike fear into the hearts of her enemies.

"We were given rooms and food. Nothing seemed to be amiss. The people there, young and old, all acted friendly. It wasn't until I met the leader, President Wallace, that I felt uneasy. . . He had cold eyes. When he asked you a question it was often veiled with a threatening undertone. Like we wouldn't be able to leave should we choose to ask."

I shake at my foolishness to not act then.

"For a time my people were happy and content. When I asked them, begged them to leave they assured me we were home. That my fear and suspicion was irrational. There was no immediate danger and most were still mourning the dead. . . My concern grew exponentially though when people started to go missing. I could ignore the problem no longer when forty five of mine were just _gone_. I asked after them and the older ones just looked condescendingly down at me. _They are sick. They are just being provided with the treatment_."

I cross my arms. A chill overtakes me with the next words.

"I was the healer among my people so I knew they had lied. No one was sick. No one needed to be healed, I would have known. . . I cut myslf on my arm to receive treatment myself and find my lost friends. After I was placed in a room the man in the bed beside me, one of their guards, was passed out. They looked to be . . . Feeding blood into his body. His chart said he was admitted for a headache, his body did not need blood."

I start to pace now. The Grounders subtly hold onto the hilt of their swords but dissist when Lexa waves them off. I was obviously only trying to force this out.

"I followed the tubes that was connected to him to an outside room. There were people, your people I know now, hung upside down and being drained of their blood. The Mountain Men were using them for medicine. I stood there in shock before I saw some others trapped in cages. . . It was horrible. So many men and women locked away. As I looked at the screaming, angry strangers I found the remnants of my people in cages of their own. There was only 2 left. And they were barely breathing."

Tears blur my vision as I pace, arms crossed and voice wavering.

"I didnt see the guard behind me. He hit me on the back of the head and I passed out. The next time I woke up it-it was in a cage." I stop my pacing looking up into angry and fearful eyes. "Next to Anya."

"One by one my people were slaughtered, our blood being more valuable because of the radiation we sustained in the sky. The 100 were used for blood and then their bone until finally I was the last . . . I wanted to die."

Tears stream down my face. Right now I just want to crumble under the weight of all these lost souls but I glance at Anya. The fire in her eyes make me pull in a breath and level my chin at the Commander.

"But someone told me my fight was not over. That I had to live. I knew the Mountain Men the longest, I could break those that remained alive out of there."

The Commander looked almost indifferent still.

"I was able to kill one of the guards and get the keys to the cages. Once I unlocked the doors I led them to a chute which the Mountain Men used to dispose of the bodies. We all hid when the Reapers walked past in the tunnels. Soon as they were gone we jumped off the dam into the water that was an extension of the river near Anya's village. Thats where I ended up until now.

"Its quite a story, and I don't expect you all to believe me, but its true. I can die well knowing I didn't just give up, that I wasn't drained by those evil people."

And I was going to die. I had no illusions about that. All of the Grounders glared me into the ground as I was dragged to this tent.

The Commander's face did not change in expression. It wasn't cold like the President's. But it wasn't exactly warm either. It was almost . . . calculating. Like she was turning me around in her mind looking for strengths and weaknesses.

"Is this true, Anya? That you and those encaged were saved by this . . . Sky girl?" asked the Commander. Her eyes did not leave mine. My body was basically vibrating under her gaze. After all I had been through, she did not seem so scary. Had it been under different circumstances I would have been shaking but now I only saw sharp green eyes and a commanding presence.

She was a welcome relief, upfront about how much I should fear her.

A weird sort of thrill goes through me as we just stare in each others eyes. Given more time I'm sure I would have been disturbed but I'm just thankful to feel this, the Mountain had me numb. Like I was barely human anymore.

"Yes, Heda." says Anya begrudgingly. A smirk almost moved my lips before I clamped it down. It was clear these Grounders did not like to accept help.


	16. Em Pleni cont.

After we woke up I redressed in my dry and warm clothes and returned with Lexa back to camp. Remembering the promise I made to myself, I immediately left the Commander to go to the Med Bay to help with any injured or sick trigedkru my mother had agreed to help that day.

I smiled at my Mom and Kane as I walked in and was immediately wading in a sea of knife wounds and scrapes made by the Grounder's rough training exercises. My hands nimbly cleaned and stitched the wounds in front of me as my mind wandered.

Mostly to Lexa. How she looked in the firelight in the cave. How cool the water from the river felt on my skin while I was trying to catch Lexa's gaze. How she overtly turned her back to me to get dressed that morning.

My longing for her seems to get stronger everyday but so does her aversion to me. Directing the last of the Grounders to rest in a cot, I sighed. The rejection was beginning to get annoying, embarrassing even. But my heart just cant seem to give up on her.

While wiping off the excess blood from my fingers with a wet rag, I automatically glance up at the entrance and smile as I see the subject of my thoughts come in.

"Hey Commander." I say, friendly. It was a conscious decision to use her title, after last night.

Her rejections seem to have finally caught up with me. It doesnt mean I wont try again, just not for a long while. _She doesnt want me right now_ , I think sadly.

Seeing the ever-present cold expression on her face, my heart twinges in pain again. _Maybe not ever._

 _"_ I wish to see the tone generators your people have been building. Indra believes it to have some merit." says Lexa.

I hold the snort in, not believing for a second Lexa doesnt believe in the technology too. She probably just wants to double check it works, always the hardworking leader.

"Okay. This way." I say softly nodding to Raven's backroom.

Lexa looks apprehensively around us while we walk. The Grounders, not use to being surrounded by metal walls, always hate being inside the remnants of the Ark.

I locate the bin of finished tone generators Raven had done under the work table and glance around looking for her or Wick. They really hated it when people touch their stuff.

My lips quirk thinking they're probably . . . busy.

"Alright, as you can see we have about twenty working ones right here. You just palm it, click this button right here, and it emits a high pitched noise that the Reapers have been trained to fear. As long as this little gadget sings, they'll all just flinch away giving you time to decapacitate them." I say while showing her how to use one.

Lexa nods during my explanation, her brow furrowed in concentration.

I smile, switching it off and reaching forward towards her hand to give it to her. She jerks back, her facial expression closing down as I get near.

My smile fades as my stomache bottoms out. She doesnt want to get near me. My mind flashes back to all the times I exposed myself to her, and try not to read disgust in her face. I dont want to see it.

I clear my throat and slowly return the tone generator to its bin turning my back on the Commander swiftly as my face flushes with embarrassment.

_I must seem so desperate to her. Its no wonder after all this time . . . Now she cant even stomache me near her._

"So thats it. I hope it checks out with you." I say awkwardly, trying to sound normal.

"Clarke." says Lexa, her voice even.

I grimace and nod my head turning on my heel and heading for the door.

"If you need me I'll be in the Med Bay." I whisper. I cant say it any louder for fear of my voice cracking. Of course she wont need me. _She doesnt want me. She doesnt want me._

Theres this voice thats been telling me for a long time to back off the Commander. That it wasnt smart or healthy to act this way around someone. But its only now, when I'm so focused on that other person and open for her, that it finally hurts me. I finally get it.

Before my feet reach the door, I feel a strong hand around my elbow, fingers pressing firmly around the muscles of my bicep. It stops me short, for one its Lexa thats touching me and two, her grip is like steel.

"Clarke." Lexa says again. At first I tug against her, really not wanting to see the pity thats sure to be in her eyes right now but I stop again, entirely certain the Grounder wouldn't let me leave.

I slowly turn my head and look at her, eyes burning. "Yes?" I ask cordially.

Lexa's face is clear of war paint today. Her olive toned skin is clean and soft looking in the fluorescent lighting above us. Her eyes are as cold as I've ever seen them and they flick across mine, searching for something. I dont know what.

I just gaze at her, guarded but always, always adoring of Lexa. She's clean faced and beautiful like always and it hurts just looking at her.

Her silence is off putting but having been in solitary confinement for a year does wonders for one's patience.

I focus on my breathing, trying to calm down while I wait for her to respond. She doesnt, her lips just part slightly and she shifts her weight from one foot to the next.

A swirl of hurt, embarrassment and confusion spins inside me until I prompt her to tell me what she wants. "Yes, Commander?" I force out, huffing gently as our close proximity finally registers. Her warmth and scent are doing things to my brain, making me want to do something stupid like tug her closer.

That amounts to trying to pet Monaw, just so utterly dangerous and stupid.

Lexa's eyes flit across my face a second time before her hands release me, and she steps back as if electrocuted.

I look away quickly, forcing myself away from whatever that was. If I see disgust or hate in her eyes right now, I'm not entirely sure what I'd do. Probably cry or throw up or run away into the dark forest alone.

I hiss in a deep breath gathering strength to face Lexa. "I promise, from now on I'll stop. Just please . . . Dont hate me." I grit out backing away.

"Hate you?" asks Lexa, more softly this time. Her head tilts to the side, almost as if shes confused or perplexed.

I laugh bitterly and brush an errant lock of blonde hair behind my ear. "I must have been making your life hell, the way I've been acting."

I stick my gaze to the floor desperate to get this out and not fall to pieces. "I'll stop." I say again, my voice wobbly. My eyes dart up, blurry with tears to look at her one last time before I run to my tent.

Her form is hazy and I blink to clear it turning on my heel again and jogged away from the ship, running faster and faster until I see the tent I set up remote and alone, away from the others.

I push away the tent flaps and fall into my cot face first, crying and curling up into a ball. The pain from her past rejections, from her disgusted flinch in the room, to the blank look in her eyes before I ran plays again in a loop, torturing me.

_She doesnt want me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the 100.   
> Note that this is a continuation of a previous one-shot "Em Pleni". Thought a bit of angst might ironically brighten your day.


	17. Jus drein jus daun cont.

Hearing Lexa call out for me, her stern voice raised half an octave and unaccustomed to fetching someone herself, I decided to come down from the tree. It must be important for her to come to see me herself, instead of officially ordering me to her tent.

I dropped down from branch to branch nimbly, and quietly like Anya had taught me. I knew Lexa could tell where I was when her head turned a fraction in my direction and her hand strayed warningly to the handle of her sword but she paused in her search for the culprit, probably to boost my ego.

I smirked as I dropped down to the lowest branch near her head and hung from it from my legs. My head swung down with my torso, right by Lexa's shoulder.

Lexa jerked her head back underestimating how close our faces were. "Clarke of the Sky People." she said.

My only response is to tilt my head and grab onto the branch I was hanging from, holding on until my feet hit the ground. "Heda." I say in greeting when I stand upright.

Lexa opens her mouth to ask me something but I smile wanting to catch her off guard. "Why are you all called the Tree People?" I ask curiously.

Lexa's face showed surprise. I was often abrupt with my questions but the Commander was new to how out of the blue they truly were.

"It has always been that way. We live in the forest." was her only response.

I shake my head laughing slightly. "What?" demands Lexa. She got the feeling I was making fun of her.

I chuckle. "Its nothing. Its just your people live in the forest, but they're not a part of it. Why dont they climb the trees? My people and I are called Sky People because we've been a part of it for centuries. Shouldn't you be called Grounders then? You know, since you stay on the ground?"

Lexa's eyebrows furrrow further and further at my unique and mildly offensive, long-winded explanation.

"You are very strange Sky Girl." says Lexa. Her eyes flit across my face, questioning if I'm indeed sane enough to be talked with.

I just try to contain my smile. Its not often Lexa comes to talk to me these days. By design,of course. The first time, I was very naive, in need of counseling on how to be a leader. But Lexa taught me it is something one has to learn on their own.

"Noted Commander Lexa." I say dryly. I lean to the side, a tree catching me and biting through the light sleeve of my shirt. One thing I hated about trees was the rough bark. My hands are cut just from that little show. It was worth it though. I loved the rush I got falling from branch to branch, hanging from the wood from my fingertips.

"Was there something of actual importance you needed to speak to me about?" I ask, my mirth springing through my tone.

I was genuinely happy at the moment. I had just come from the Med Bay. Lincoln was healing swimmingly, and he confessed to Octavia the weak impulses he felt from the drug. He agreed to work on them, to talk with the other patients recovering from the Red. It would be a long road to recovery but I was confident he was strong and that he would make it.

Lexa shifted, her hand falling off the handle of her sword as she faced away me and stared at the camp behind us, staring at the campfires and the people below.

"Why do you avoid me?" she asks. Her eyes stay on our people below us but I can tell from her body language that her entire focus is on me. I sigh, leaning my head on the tree too, thinking about the answer.

I knew it was coming. These questions always come. I always avoid people who did me damage in the past life. Wells, Finn, my mother. Even Lexa. They did small acts that led to big consequences. And maybe it was human nature to commit mistakes they thought were acceptable but in hindsight, I think it would just be better to avoid that pain altogether. Love was weakness. And I did love them, in different ways. Its for the best.

I ponder my answer, genuinely surprised she noticed. I thought I did a good job, making it seem like it was out of my hands.

"Its for the best . . . I sense we would clash. And peace is probably the best thing we could do for our people, now that war is over." I say, my sore throat making my words rough.

"War is never over. Someone somewhere will start some kind of battle towards another, they always do. . . But I also in turn sense you're not being entirely truthful. Speak true." said Lexa, her last words said as an order.

My lips quirk. Clever girl. Headstrong, but clever. "I am telling the truth. Knowing me, I will say something foolish and you will attempt to guide me in the right path of how to lead the right way, on which I would have to disagree.-"

"-But you cant know that, Skaikru." said Lexa shortly.

My only response is a slight grin. Lexa's frown disappears as she faces me fully. A chill runs down Lexa's spine as I just stare at her, my eyes not even blinking.

"You think you know the future?" asks Lexa, her voice hard yet disbelieving. If she thinks hard on the past, it does explain some things. Like how I managed to capture and not kill hundreds, specifically 300, of her most skilled warriors. How I always seem to know what to say, even repeating words in conversations I wasnt privy to.

"I think I know you, Commander. Trust me. Its best if we rule apart." I say turning away. My body is now in part shadow, and I want to climb the tree again, to leave this entire conversation behind. The darkness and the stars are easier to deal with then the wide, beguiling eyes Lexa is displaying right now.

A hand of steel clamps down on my forearm and she swings me back around. I merely follow, not entirely sure what would happen if I fought back.

Lexa's sharp green eyes pierce mine and my back instinctively straightens. Her lips are slightly open, and she blinks slowly. My lungs start to burn with her scent and memoeries unbiddenly flood back.

No, I cant do this now. Distance, I need distance.

"Explain." demands Lexa. Her words strike me and I raise my chin from the blow. She commanded me to tell her the truth and some small part of me hopes to get a rise out of her. Something to shake her loose just a bit. That first time, she gave me small moments where she almost seemed human. I wanted that back. God forgive me, but I needed the girl I use to look for when we negotiated peace. She was in there, somewhere, maybe.

"I've been through all this before."

At Lexa's confused look I go on. "The first 100 kids sent down, Minau, the reapers, the Mountain Men. It all happened and then I died. I woke up on the Ark, back in the sky to see I traveled back in time to before the 100 were sent down. The only reason I'm half as good a leader as I am now, is because I learned from my mistakes."

Lexa's seemed confused at first but realization cleared her troubled looks. "We've met before."

I merely nod and knock my head back to the tree, glancing up at the stars. "You saved your people, at the cost of mine. Me, included. I dont distrust you, because I cant honestly say I wouldnt do it too. But I still would like it if we ruled apart. . . I fear what could happen if we were to ever team up again." I try to say lightly.

Lexa's face clears, having heard enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the 100. Or Orlando Bloom. Which is just as depressing.


	18. Root Path

Clarke raised her gun and fired three bullets aiming for the animal's eyes. It worked, the thing retreating from the unfamiliar wounds.

Lexa looked at me in surprise, I took down Minau. I calmly take out the grenade I had Raven make me for emergencies and take out the pin squinting as I aim and throw. The small tube landed in the gorilla's mouth exploding loudly and scattering what remained of its skull backwards in the pit.

I raised my gun again, not trusting it to stay down in its last moments.

"Are you okay?" I call out to the guard lieing back on the ground. He raised his head, and swung himself up, sword in hand. He stared at the ground where the animal once stood and almost killed him.

Yes, he says in tridasleng. His braids swing around his head as he swivels around to look at me. "Yes" he says in english. He lowers his head down in a nod, in thanks. I nod my head at him and lower my gun, looking sadly at the animal I just killed.

It was probably as scared of us as we were of it.

I holster my gun and glance at the Commander who was still staring at me.

"You killed Minau." she said hollowly.

My eyes scrunch up in confusion. "It had a name?"

The warrior stepped forward in earnest, "It has killed many villagers and warriors in these woods for years."

I sigh and bring out another grenade, the soldiers stiffening in front of me. "Its a grenade. It explodes when you take out the pin. A weapon of mass destruction." I toss it from hand to hand, not really caring if it blows my hands off. "Just had to toss it and let it do its work."

I put it back in my pocket noticing the fear etched in their faces. "Relax. Its for protection only." I smirk nodding my head at the exit. "Speaking of, thanks. For you know killing Quint. He would have slit my throat." I say roughly as we walk away.

"You are the Sky People's leader. It is my duty to protect you." says Lexa evenly.

I scoff and laugh shaking my head. We head towards camp, Lexa's guard walking far ahead of us not one for more surprises.

"What." demanded Lexa.

I shake my head and just stare up at the tree tops deep in thought. "Its just a change of pace, from when we first met. Indra was threatening to kill me. You were sitting there looking all . . . Murder-y. Its just nice to know I have back up if I need it." I say brightly.

Lexa side glances at me, the look suggesting what many think of me. That I'm slightly insane.

I grin at her jumping my eyebrows before I take out the radio from my pocket and focus on getting a signal. The people at camp must have found Quint's remains by now.

I tap it against my hand when I get nothing but static. "Raven?"

Tap. Tap. Ssssssh. Tap. Tap.

"Raven?"

Ssssssh. "Clarke!" I flinch as Raven's shout startles me.

"Geeze, lower it down a notch babe." I say.

Lexa's eyebrow raises at the title "babe". I shake my head and try again.

"Rav-"

"Sorry, its just we found Quint and he was torn apart. It looked to be by some kind of animal. We were worried."

I smile and wipe it away quickly getting back to business. "Yeah, it was this huge gorilla. Tried to kill us. We're on our way back. Hold down the fort till I'm back?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. Just get back safe okay. Your mom would skin me if you got hurt and I didnt tell her you'd been attacked." said Raven worriedly.

I smile bitterly and shake my head slightly at that. That woman didnt have a maternal bone in her body. "We're on our way. See you soon." I say cutting the conversation short.

I return the radio back to my pocket and glance up hearing the sound of wings in the trees.

I grab my gun and shoot killing the large bird instantly.

I jog farther into the trees and pick it up, glad to have picked up dinner on the way back. I grimace walking back to Lexa's side pulling out the bullet. Don't need that in my plate of food. I drop the metal shell casing and continue the slow walk back to Tondc.

"This radio. It allows you to talk with your people over long distances?" asked Lexa haltingly.

I try not to show any amusement at her words, knowing she'd hate that.

"Yes. Theres a limit of course to how far away one could be from another but it works." I say shrugging. I glance at her watching as her confusion changes to understanding then the cold mask of indifference she usually wears.

Something in me wants to poke at her to see a genuine expression on her face again. Her indifference always seems to hide her true thoughts, I hate that.

"How far away can you throw that dagger?" I ask, my own perplexity at her weapons showing through. I couldn't hit a target with a dagger if my life depended on it, which might be a very real issue in the future.

Lexa tries not to show her pleasure finally having something to teach me that I dont know. Without answering she tugs the wooden handle of her favorite knife and deftly tosses it end over end towards the farthest tree from our path.

My mouth drops open in astonishment and happiness. She did it! And it was so far. I could barely make out the dark handle of the weapon against the tree. I try not to jump in place, laughing at how fast and smoothly she did it, like it was instinct or second nature.

I look back at her, pointing at it like a child. "Woah." I shake my head smiling, eyes glittering and run to pull it out of the tree.

I dodge the tree roots trying to trip me on the way and grab the handle pulling on it with one hand. It doesnt budge.

"What?" I say annoyed. I grab it with two hands and tug harder, the blade pulling out only an inch. The sun gleams down at the little sliver of metal I see, taunting me. I narrow my eyes and groan bracing my left foot on the tree pulling again.

A tan-skinned hand wraps around both my hands and pulls with me making me almost topple back as the dagger comes free.

Lexa's lips spread in an almost smile, her eyes shining with amusement.

I huff out a lock of blonde hair in my face and raise my chin, exasperated. "Now thats just showing off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the 100. Except this version of Clexa. They're all mine xP
> 
> A/N: Why not make Clarke a little insane? I don't know. Maybe I've been watching too much Person of Interest. Root has a certain way about her xD


	19. Many Happy Returns

A rustle sounded near me breaking the quiet. I did my best not to change my breathing, terrified I was recaptured and with the Mountain Men. it wasn't cold in the room like before but that could just mean I'm in a lower level, being prepped to be drained like those poor Grounders!

A shifting in the blankets around me had me jumping from the bed and pulling a dagger from my pocket, holding the Mountain Man down with the blade against his neck.

Anya had taught me how to do a simple take down, using the weight of my opponent to make him fall. It was simple after a few tries. Pleasure streaked through me knowing she'd be proud.

The blur of motion made me dizzy but as soon as the person grunted under me in surprise, I froze. It wasnt a Mountain Man.

It was Lexa. And she was pissed.

Like a bullet the Commander bared her teeth and flipped me on my back, my scream threatened to be let out but I clamped my teeth together holding it in. My fingers slipped on the weapon and I laid on the blankets, furs I now realize, dazed.

Lexa stayed above me, kicking away the blade and glaring down at me. I huffed, my breath having been lost after my wounds were jarred from the impact from the ground.

"Sorry, I thought I was still in the Mountain." I rasp quickly in defense before averting my eyes after so suddenly seeing Lexa. I was lieing on the ground, on her furs, in her tent. Why was this always happening to me?

This is the one place in all the world that would guarantee my heart being rebroken. And thats including the bunker and the Mountain.

"You will take care to never do that again." Lexa ordered.

My eyes returned back to her and I slowly nod, keeping my body still and prone on the floor.

I school my face into a mask, to hide my thoughts before I get up slowly grimacing in pain. I swallow seeing the drawn sword in Lexa's hand and tactfully ignore it before I curiously look around us at the tent like I havent seen it countless times before.

"Anya saw it fit to have you rest here." Lexa explained.

I supress an eyeroll. Anya was just being overprotective. The Grounders still dont trust me, a prime few still calling for my head. Although I was intrigued as to why Lexa let me stay here. Its not like she knows or trusts me yet.

Glancing at her tense form, I hold in my question and smile tightly in appreciation. "Thank you. My safety is questionable at best among your people." I say, shifting my weight to the other foot as the pain in my side intensified.

I swallow again, the dryness in my throat telling me how long I was unconscious. I could feel Lexa's gaze sharpen harsher at my words.

Not wanting to do any more damage I sigh and walked around her to the front of the ginormous tent near the table. I roll my neck groaning at the pain in my muscles and pace the floor already hating the enclosed space. Being in the Sky Box and then a cage does that to you, I guess.

The tent flap moved suddenly, exposing a head of dark hair with blonde tips. Brown eyes clashed with blue as Anya marched over to me.

"Clarke." said Anya, her voice hard with emotion in her greeting.

"Anya." I breathe in relief. Shes okay. Before I could take a breath to ask her about what's happened, a punch to my shoulder had me stepping back in surprise, my mouth open in indignation.

"Ow!" I scream. I hold my hand to my injured shoulder. "What the hell?"

"You almost died." said Anya roughly. I calm down now seeing this was her way of being happy to see me.

"Yes." I say sighing.

"Dont do it again." ordered Anya. I close my eyes shaking my head and huffing out a laugh.

"Yeah, okay." I agree pushing on Anya's shoulder. Still smiling I glance at Lexa and nod my head. "Thanks again Commander for letting me rest in your tent."

Before she can reply the radio in my pocket crackled, almost startling us all in the quiet of the morning.

I excused myself to talk to Bellamy and assure him I was alright. After our short greeting, I turned smirking at Anya as she paced nose flared and her hands clenched at her sides as she glared at the coarse material hanging above us. Seems its staying with us, our time trapped together.

Lexa's eyes hadnt left me for a second. A chill settled on me, not at her demanding gaze but at the fact that I didnt mind. Her black war paint just made it all the more surreal, nothing about her had changed.

But I had to take care to keep in mind what she's capable of, what shes willing to do for her people no matter the cost to mine.

Clearing my throat, I jerked my eyes away from hers and raised the radio in my hand gaining Anya's attention.

"Your Second wishes to speak with you." I say, words barely leaving my mouth before Anya nodded and practically flew out of the tent leaving us alone. I knew she'd take any excuse to leave but now I was stuck here until my people arrived.

Annoyed I returned the radio to my pocket and ignored the inquisition in Lexa's burning gaze, choosing to sit down at the table in front of us. My wounds and stiches were zapping my strength.

"How did you know my title?" asked Lexa, her voice stiff with tension. I kept my breathing even and looked up into green eyes.

I covered my nostalgic smile and tilt my head, making a mental note to tie my hair back to keep out of my face in the future.

"Your people speak of you often." I say, not elaborating. The best lies are grown from a simple truth. And it is true, her people did speak of her often, just not in English.

"Has Anya told you of me?" she asked, her mouth tightening at the thought of anyone revealing her identitiy unnessacarily.

I cautiously go on, to explain, not wanting Anya in trouble over my stupid mouth. "Just the general title. Commander. Uniter of the Twelve Clans." I speak softly, focusing on my hands clasped in front of me. But of course, I woke up suddely knowing the woman in front of me was the Commander so I should go on.

"She told me you were her Second." I say fondly, my mouth quirking slightly, imagining a much younger Lexa with bright green eyes training with Anya.

She would have been driven to do her best, yes, but unburdened with what she has on her shoulders now, innocent to the horrors of war.

Her hair would have been only slightly braided as is customary with young Seconds. My eyes trace over Lexa's cold Commander mask, seeing her customary warpaint. I always wondered if it felt silky like charcol but I averted my gaze again harshly reprimanding myself. I shouldnt be thinking of _feeling_ anything right now, especially if it had to do with her.

"Anya was my mentor before I was called to lead my people." explained Lexa, her countenance relaxing only slightly at my words. Her eyes glanced over the tent flap where Anya had just left, her words and demeanor weirdly echoing what happened when we first met.

I was so intensely glad I had prevented Anya's death this time. But my happiness was short lived as I remembered Wells. If I was taught anything on the ground it was that Fate may have sent me down this path but there was very little I could control.

Humility rushed through me before I clenched my fists and abruptly stood up from the chair, and tilted my head to the exit at Lexa's questioning glance. I couldn't sit still for one more second without wanting to tremble or fidget, two qualities that would definitely look weak in front of Lexa.

"Being in enclosed spaces brings back memories of the Mountain. Is it okay if I leave, maybe to get some food?" I request, knowing if I demanded the Commander to let me go she would close down and deny me everything. She did not like being told what to do.

Sympathy softened her gaze before she stoically nodded her head granting me a peaceful release.

"You may go. But be weary. As you so eloquently put it, your safety is . . . questionable at best." said Lexa, her back to me as she stepped towards her throne.

She pulled out her dagger sticking it into the armrest as she sat down.

I nodded my head in thanks and left the tent, only glancing back once at the Commander. She really was a sight to behold, in her place of power. Her eyes filled with green fire held mine until the tent flap impeded my vision.

* * *

After the Skaikru's leader had left Lexa focused her attention on her blade settling more relaxed in her seat. The light shining through the canopy above her reflected off the blade much like the blonde's hair. She was . . . a mystery. Lexa prided herself on knowing nearly everyone in her company; in her army and in her cities who held power. But that girl, her Spirit _knew_ her. Clarke of the Sky People obviously guarded her tongue around her, that much was clear. But she looked as if they had met before and it was not only impossible but inconceivable. The girl had only just set foot in her world, let alone met her. And she trusted Anya, she was assured the Sky People's leader had only just arrived and was eager to meet with her for peace talks.

A chill had settled over the Commander. She knew in her mind that the blonde was a stranger to her. But in her heart, which has been closed since Costia, she felt open and vulnerable to the girl. Her Spirit nearly ripped itself apart inside her, her skin itched with its trembling recesses, when Clarke had gasped in pain from slamming into the ground so suddenly. It was as if Lexa couldn't hurt her even if she wanted to. She prided on herself being untouchable but her mind turned over the blonde in her mind going over all that she had learned.

Her eyes were blue like the skies she had fallen from, closed off at times it was almost a mirror to her own. But some moments they nearly sparkled with so much life Lexa had almost shifted closer to bathe in her light. She was beautiful, that Lexa knew without a doubt. But she grew uneasy her mind conjuring up many others who had caught her eye with their pleasant looks without half as much as the draw of the Skaikru leader. Her body had felt soft under hers. Clarke had obviously trained with Anya, her impressive skills at catching even her offguard clear. But the girl's muscles still relented under Lexa's touch, her body still pliant having not gone under the harshest of battles like any of her people. Lexa glared at her dagger driving it back into her armrest as she fought another wave of desire. This was not good. Clarke must be kept at a distance if she could already effect her this way so soon after their first meeting.


	20. Glimmer cont.

Goosebumps break out on my skin as I feel someone's gaze on me. I turn my head minutely and flip over to head to shore and quickly grab my clothing. Whoever they are, they're getting quite the eyeful.

"Whoever's watching, I'm armed and supremely pissed,"I scream trying to sound almost bored as I put on my clothes. I was stupid to come out here alone in a huff.

_And armed with what?_

My mind scrambles trying surreptitiously glance around for a blunt weapon, maybe a branch or a rock.

"I can see that." said a very familiar voice. The even tone commanded my attention and I paused as I pulled my shirt over my head. I closed my eyes and sighed. Of course.

Bending down for my jacket and then tucking a loose, wet strand of blond hair, I avoided looking at Lexa praying to the frayed gods she would just ignore the fact she caught me half naked in the river.

"Commander." I say stiffly, clearing my throat. Fiddling with the leather sleeve of my jacket, I chanced a glance at her.

Her green eyes were definitely on me, flitting over my now clothed form. If I didnt know any better I'd think she was checking me out. But as her eyes stopped their exploration and settled on mine, that notion swiftly died. She didnt like me that way. It just wasnt possible. Not with me.

"There are tales of a river snake that swims in waters much like these. You should be more careful, Sky Princess." said Lexa.

A moment of surprised silence passes by before I clear my throat. If it were at any other time, her low voice would have made a pool of desire settle in my stomache, making it impossible to not stare at her and listen harder. Unfortunately, her mild rebuke instead annoyed me to no end. I could handle myself. And what did she care what happened to me? Just a second ago she had a knife to my throat.

What was that? Her way of saying she liked me?

I frowned staring past her at the water, words of defiance of my lips dieing. So much water. I would have killed to have this much resources on the Ark, so many starving for just a bit more. So many yearning to have more children yet struggling to take care of just one.

"Incredible." I murmur.

"What?" asked Lexa.

I jump out of my reverie at Lexa's question, for a minute very confused. Then what I said to myself came back to me and I shook my head, slightly embarrassed at myself. Way to go Clarke, talking to yourself in front of the Uniter of the Twelve Clans. She's sure to trust you then!

"Um, nothing. Its just theres so much water." I say gesturing towards the river. "How do you know it won't run out?"

The Commander glanced at the river and furrowed her eyebrows, confused. "It will not 'run out. Its the river." She said plainly.

I just tilt my head staring at the way the sun reflects off it. "We didnt have these things on the Ark. Night and day. Animals, battles and rivers. Rain!" I say smiling at the last one. I loved the rain. Water that fell from the sky! Who knew?

My tone sobers thinking back to the little we did have. "So many of us were dieing up there. All we had were each other, the stars and the fear. That we would starve to death."

I sigh again reaching up and gathering my wet hair to the side of my neck. Such melancholy will only depress Lexa. I should just go.

"Its just incredible. Seeing this. Its a gift." I finish lamely, shrugging. I walk away and try not to jerk back when Lexa leveled her steps with mine at my side.

"So was that what you were doing? Reveling in this world's gifts?", asked Lexa, her voice tinged with amusement. Her lips lifted only slightly, as if the battle to lift them or keep them still allowed for little movement.

My face burned as I reluctantly remembered she just saw me fully exposed.

I smile widely training my eyes on the clouds above us for a minute, thinking of what to say. "What can I say? I revel. I can get out of hand sometimes, sorry." I say bashfully. Ducking my head, I try to rein myself in. Thinking about particular ways I can revel the perfection that is Lexa would be painted on my face clear as day and that's not really respectful in her presence. Especially when she's made things pretty clear.

"There is no need to apologize, Clarke." says Lexa. Before I can focus on a coherent answer, a tan strong hand grabbed my upper arm and forced me to stop.

"It is I who has to apologize to you." says Lexa, her hard voice softening slightly.

I shake my head and smile, just glad to have her here ruling by my side. If I didn't have such a formidable, strong partner in her, I'd be lost. "Already forgiven." I say nodding my head once in deference.

Lexa blinks not completely believing in my easy forgiveness. "Truly?" she asks, her green eyes growing wider and somehow sharper. Most would be cut down with just that gaze but I smile wider, loving how her eyes seem to see straight into my soul, searching for my secrets.

I laugh slightly. Grounders. Always so serious and suspicious. "Yes." I say nodding my head again before gesturing to the path before us. We had a long walk back to Tondc. It looked shorter in my angry mindseye but we must have been gone for some time now.

Lexa swiftly turned on her heel walking side by side with me, letting the quiet envelope us. She faced forward and I could practically hear the gears turning in her head.

I glance at Lexa wondering what made her follow me. A twinge in my stomach told me it was likely she thought I was meeting with someone, conspiring against her and the Tridekru to kill them. But I grasped at straws, thinking about her apology. Maybe she wanted to make things right.


	21. Starry Night

I stared at the stars above me. So many little lights in the sky that still looked close enough to touch. Its almost hypnotizing.

I smile thinking of my first dance on the Ark. They had it in the common area, opening up the shields exposing the sight of outerspace to everyone who attended. It was like we were dancing amongst the stars, like we were a part of that sky. The fusion music thumped through our bones and the crowd almost moved as one as we all danced together. It was surreal. Lieing on the ground now, staring up at the large expanse of stars and galaxies above us, I could almost be at peace with dieing.

My smile dimmed as I looked back down to the Grounders around me. Some were looking at me queerly. I was their prisoner but instead of huddling fearfully I took the liberty of laying down flat out on the ground face up to stare smiling at the stars. I shook my head and tried to brush the soil off my clothes without my hands trembling. I was actually scared. I'd seen how Grounders tended to treat their enemies. If it was a choice,I'd have liked to died in battle. There was more chance of it being quick, less painful.

I felt eyes on me and looked up into dark, intense eyes. Anya stared at me, her head tilted to the side almost questioningly. I could see she was curious. In battle theres no time to ask your victims questions and people dont usually fall from the sky. I tilt my head back at her,eyes gazing at her war paint, sword and dark clothing. She was as much of an enigma to me too.

The intense stare broke off when another grounder walked up to Anya, starting a heated discussion. I look away, glancing at my guards. Their backs were to me but I had no doubt if I took one step in any direction their swords would be unsheathed and aimed at my throat in seconds. Their face masks were so caked with mud, dirt and blood, it took a few minutes for me to figure out they were animal skulls impaled with metal. They looked lethal and my heart thudded a little faster as the fire chased the shadows off their faces.

I swallowed and cleared my throat shifting in place. The Grounder closest to me shifted his stance and his hand tightened on his weapon. My brow furrowed as I experimentally swayed in place to the right. The Grounder swayed in place too. The other grounder guard growled and turned sending me a menacing look. I just raised my eyebrow and continued with my swaying game.

What, they have eyes in the back of their head? I'd be freaked out if my mother didn't have the same super power. And are they seriously considering me a threat? I was almost a hundred percent sure they could snap me in two with their bare hands. I stopped my swaying when the other guard started to stroke his sword a little too fondly for my liking.

My fear spikes as the General named Anya suddenly appears at my side grabbing onto my arm.

"Come." she says as she drags me away.

The other Grounders spare me a hate-filled glance as we walk.

Its a few minutes before the woman pushes me into a small tent. The bedroll on the ground sinks under my weight as I collapse. Anya was unnaturally strong.

She stands above me as I cautiously sit still and look up to her. She looks me over, my eyebrow raises until I see she is merely counting my wounds. My lips are cracked from lack of water, I'm favoring my left arm slightly and blood is still caked in my hair from a gash high up on my forehead.

"You will have a healer tend to you before you meet with the Commander." she says, her accent slightly lilting the words.

Alarm courses through me hearing her words. "Commander?" I ask. That sounded daunting. Like he will decide my fate or something.

Anya glances over me again before exiting the tent, ignoring my question.

000

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not the 100. Not a car. Not a sandwich. Man I'm really hungry.   
> *a/n: Sorry this fic is not between Lexa and Clarke. A memory just popped into my head of an episode where Anya was looking over Clarke (come on! a blonde falls from the sky and you don't stare at her like a time bomb?) and I just needed to put my own spin on it. Enjoy!


	22. The very air

"So _you're_ the one who killed 300 of my warriors . . . " said Lexa.

Clarke just stood there, back straight and stiff in fear of these people before she responded curtly, "I would be if they weren't still alive."

"Impossible. They all died in the fire." interjected Indra.

Clarke just tilted her head while the Commander straightened in her throne, dagger in head.

"They're alive. I was able to make peace with the General, Anya? . . . before the explosion."

Indra refused to believe Clarke, going off in an angry, threatening rant in Trigadasleng.

Clarke just stood stoic before Lexa barked out "Em Pleni!" to shut Indra up.

"Anya and her warriors are all alive, I assure you. A large horde of Reapers attacked and your 300 held them off while my people and I readied the explosion. They were far enough away from the blast to survive."

"You're not sure?" demanded Lexa.

Clarke stood silent before replying. "There are risks in battle, yes. But I am sure." says Clarke.

"Those who are about to die will say anything." said Indra darkly.

 _I'll just have to show you then_ , said Clarke in the Woods Clan's language. Indra jerked back slightly in surprise. Lexa's eyes widened slightly before she abruptly stood up from her throne again and stepped closer to Clarke.

"You say the Tree Clan survived. Show me." said Lexa lowly.

Clarke nodded outwardly the epitome of calm. Secretly she was nervous and worried. Truthfully Anya and her troop were supposed to have met her here a while ago with Bellamy to talk with the Commander herself.

To make sure, Clarke reached into her pocket and started to to pull out the radio halting when Lexa's guards put their hands on the hilts of their swords.

She finished pulling out the radio watching amused as the Grounders' faces contorted in confusion.

Clarke clicked the button to talk and called out, "Bellamy?" waiting for a reply before stepping out of the tent slowly.

She listened to the static until it crackled, " . . . Chancellor?"

Clarke's smirk threatened to break out at his voice. He knew she hated that title.

Relief flooded her though. Bellamy stayed with Anya and the clan during the explosion. She was alive.

"Where are you guys? You're running a little late."said Clarke strangled, straining not to glance at Lexa and her angry guards.

"We're almost there. Had to dodge a couple of our new friends." said Bellamy.

Clarke abruptly stopped in her tracks, muscles tightening in fear. The Mountain Men. She'd forgotten, _how_ could she have forgotten.

Lexa's sharp gaze started to burna hole in the side of her face. _You lied_.

Clarke cleared her throat and resumed walking to the edge of Tondc where the others would meet them.

"Mountain Men? How many?" she asked worriedly.

Lexa, Indra, and Gustus tightened with fear themselves, glancing at eachother in a silent conversation.

Static filled the silence before Bellamy said darkly " . . . Many."

Clarke nodded and turned back to the matter at hand.

"Put Anya on." ordered Clarke.

Seconds passed before Anya's voice came roughly sounding cautiously confused. "Sky girl?" said Anya.

Clarke smiled. Technology confused the Grounders so much. Anya's eyebrows are sure to be furrowed, her war paint masking her almost innocent dismay.

"Hey General." said Clarke casually. "I'm on my way to meet you guys at the entrance of the village. You doing alright?" asked Clarke concerned.

"We are fine. Our people are strong, defeating the Mountian Men as we did the Reapers." said Anya.

Clarke lowered her head in relief, glancing at her watch and ignoring the astonished looks of Lexa and her people.

"Yeah I cant imagine them standing for very long in a fight against you, Munin" said Clarke. Her eyes twinkled as said the trigedkru's word for mentor. Anya had been teaching her much. Although she'd been having too much fun knocking her down and sitting on her.

"You were right, Clarke. If you pull off their masks, they fall. The very air seems to attack them." said Anya slowly.

Clarke sighed not liking the picture forming in her head. She knew very well the effect air can have on them.

"I'm glad you're safe. See you soon." said Clarke.

She could feel Lexa's questioning gaze and turned her head to meet her green eyes.

The questions might as well have been printed on her forehead. What was my connection to Anya? Why would I be concerned for the well being of a grounder that tried to kill me? What was my knowledge of the Mountain Men? How did I know to speak Trigadasleng? What was my technology capable of? How much did my warrirors respect me, to call me Chancellor

So many questions.

"You will see your General soon" assured Clarke silently.

Clarke's eyes showed Lexa she knew more than she was saying. Did she know Anya was her mentor? That she use to be Anya's Second when she was young?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. Yada yada


	23. Starry Night cont.

I laid back on the cot waiting for the healer Anya said she would bring. I wonder if I would be able to ask about their medical practices.

What types of herbs do they use? And what do the grounders do to prevent infection? It was obvious most here do not care for personal hygiene. And how many healers did they have?

My mind stops short remembering the hate filled glances sent my way. All my questions may go unanswered. I was going to die.

I wasn't afraid. Apart from the apprehension of what was going to happen to my friends and an increased heart rate, I wasn't panicking. In the Skybox, I wasn't all that concerned for my fate either. The only thought in my head was of how I was going to tell the secrets my father had found out to the general population. My thoughts jerked to a halt hearing voices outside of the tent.

It was in a different language but I could hear them and a distinct word caught my ear . . . heda. It scratched against my skull annoying and wriggling like I should pay attention.

Watching movies with Wells we often came across long dead languages. Names or titles, for whatever reason and in every language, always stood out. Like a bright splotch of color in an otherwise dark painting they always stood out. Heda. Who was this Heda?

Before my thoughts could ruminate on it any longer, the tent flap moved aside revealing Anya and a pretty girl, the healer. She was young, her clothes in tatters, and she was holding a basket filled with supplies.

Anya's hand was on her shoulder protectively and her voice growled out, "Call out if you have need of anything." The deadly intent in her gaze sent my way stated it would be wise not to try to run or attack the healer.

I looked at them blankly not sure of anything at this point. The healer nodded at Anya waiting for her to leave before she started to slowly limp her way to my side in the tent. I kept my gaze on the tent flap for a second sensing something not entirely right.

For one Anya said this girl was just a healer but her demeanor towards her . . . It was almost reverent. And the doctor in me noticed the limp. I clenched my hands on the bedding at first wanting to help. However her leg was not that of a limp on closer inspection. The muscle density was the same as the other leg, hard in tone and shape. (It was not because I was checking her out that I noticed!) She was as much a warrior as Anya if not more.

So why the ruse?

My eyes traced her over, noting how she didn't reach my eyes. Normally I'd just count that as rude but she was playing it off like she was afraid of me. Taking note of her interesting blue tattoo I'd finished my assessment and almost jerekd with the realisation, almost smiled.

This was Heda. Her name or title obviously. The last consonant is feminine and the reverent tone . . . Commander? Those grounders like to play games. The Commander? Undercover to find out my secrets? I glance away as her deceptive eyes almost caught me staring.

Talking would be good right about now. Octavia had told me that Lincoln was awarded his tattoos for certain aspects of his character.

"What does it mean?" I ask softly.

Sensing the "healers" gaze on me I turned my head and looked into her eyes. Green eyes.

"The tattoo." I say pointing to her bicep. She looked confusingly down to her arm and back up at me. "It means strength," She said, her voice soft but with an undertone of steel. How did I know their ways?

Now I do smile and look at the tattoo admiring the blue curves and shapes almost locking around the top of her arm. It was unique and I can tell distinctly her.

"May I?" the girl asked gesturing to my wounds and the wet cloth in her hands. I nodded tilting my head forward so she could start with the gash. The girl sat close, her green eyes scanning me almost "nervously" as she started to blot at the coagulated blood.

My eyes stayed on the floor, not liking the closeness to someone so unfamiliar and clever. She may even be the one who has to kill me.

So I stayed silent wincing slightly as the Commander cleaned and packed my wound. I smelled the almost earthy herbs of the medicine. I itched to ask about them but held my tongue about that.

"What is your name?" I ask.

I assume if the Commander was here to gather information, she should talk. The confused glances she was sending my way spoke the truth. The pretty girl expected me to beg for help, maybe ask for information of the grounders. I wasn't stupid enough to expect any help from any grounder.

Call me weird but if these were my last moments I might as well try to convince my executioners to stay their hand when it came to my friends. They were innocent.

"Lexa." said the slave/ healer/ Commander. I just tilted my head as the healer examined a large laceration on my forearm.

No last names here. Huh.

"Lexa? I'm Clarke. Clarke Griffin." I say sticking my free hand out.

The healer leaned away unsure what I was reaching for.

I laugh. "Anya did the same thing. Sorry, this is how my people greet each other and anyone they haven't met yet."

I smile and reach for the healer's hand. Her eyes lowered looking slightly alarmed. I grab her hand, making sure to keep my grip loose, and slowly shake it up and down. Her hands were calloused, from the work she's had to do here fighting and surviving in the woods obviously, but I'm surprised at the warmth and familiarity I feel when we touch.

Her green eyes meet mine, hard as stone but very, very green. My smile must seem just a touch too happy because she abruptly snatches back her hand and grabs some cloth from the basket to wrap my wound.

"Do you have anything you want to ask me Lexa?" I say.

The Commander slightly stiffened, covering up her actions by shifting her "limp".

"Why would I do that?" she asked, her eyes slightly more alert.

I looked on, bemused. "Because its what I would do if I met someone that shouldn't exist. Come on, ask me anything." I say prompting noncommitedly.

The girl's eyes scanned me before noddding.

"Why did you and your people fall?" she asked, wrapping the cloth more tightly around my forearm.

I kept my gaze on the "healer's" fingers. "We were dieing. Starving. The-the food, the air, the space. There was nothing we could do but just wait to die." I said. My mind turned to those who were killed uselessly, because of lies told by the Arc government.

The 100 were tapped in cages waiting to die on their 18th birthday, including me. "We were afraid and sad. Everyone thought we were the last humans. That the ground was tarnished and no one was left but us." My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to explain.

"When we saw your people in the woods, with their weapons and their numbers. It was a great surprise. Terrible because they started killing us off, but a strange kind of relief." I say chuckling darkly.

"Anyways, my people sent 100 of us down to see if the ground was any better than the sky." I say. My voice grew rough thinking of all the hardships. The animals, the weather, the grounders. The mountain men. It really wasn't much better.

"There are more of you waiting in the sky?" Lexa asked. Her voice heightened slightly, distress and anger in every syllable.

I could only shrug. "They are worlds away. We have no way to contact them. For all we know they could have starved to death by now, too afraid or unable to make the trip down here. We only know one thing for sure. They sent us down here, not caring if we died. As far as we're concerned they are dead to us."

As the "healer" started to slowly put away her supplies, I decided to take a chance.

I put my hand on Lexa's and leaned in close, ignoring the way the girl stiffened in surprise.

"Dont worry. Even if my people do come down, they won't hurt you." I said.

The Commander spared a warning glance before she retracted her hand from mine again.

"What makes you say that, Clarke of the Sky People?"

Clarke smiled, leaning back respectively.

"I doubt they would be able to touch you Commander."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the 100 and probably never will


	24. Commander Heart Eyes

"Branwada"

Clarke smiled as she swayed her head to face the dark-skinned Grounder.

"I know what that means . . . It- its very rude," said Clarke, her words slurring, her voice higher than its usual low timber. It couldn't mask her chiding of Indra the new nickname she had taken to calling her. Lexa looked at the sky leader highly amused and happy to see Clarke how she used to be . . . lighthearted.

"You have been given a drink that has lowered your inhibitions. Its an elixir thats made to help you heal." Lexa said.

Clarke tilted her head and frowned at the words, her slow mind trying to make sense of them.

"So its medicine. But it makes my head all fuzzy. Why would you do that ?", she accusedly asked Nyko.

His lips twitched before he masked his emotions, "You've been shot Clarke."

Clarke looked down examining herself, confused

"Whaaat?" she drawled.

She poked herself until she hit a spot covered in blood that make her yell with the bone jarring pain.

_Ooow!_

Octavia smirked and shook her head. "She's gone."

Clarke swatted at Octavia. "Don't say that silly, I'm right here. I won't die so soon", she assured. Clarke lurched on her side to face Octavia, starting to pat her face consolingly. "Promise" she said, her face drunkenly serious.

Octavia grew disturbed at her words shaking her head at the sky girl

"Not what I meant you dork." She ruffled the blonde's head dodging the girls clumsy attempts to swat her away. "You have a dark mind Princess. Imma go find Lincoln."

Clarke sighed as everyone started to leave.

"Please stay" she said plaintively to Lexa, holding the Commander's hand.

Lexa's cheeks burned and her eyes widened at the unexpected request.

No one else was in the room, having left for the celebrations.

Lexa glanced reproachfully at her guard, silently warning him to leave and keep silent before she sighed and sat down, retracting her hand from Clarke.

"Is there a reason you ask that of me?" she asked.

Clarke bit her lip in thought and shrugged, her mind still a bit hazy.

"I don't know. I still trust you I guess? And you're good company to have."

Lexas face softened slightly at the blonde's words before she composed it forcibly back into a mask of cold indifference.

"They call you Commander Heart Eyes, you know." Clarke murmured.

Caught off guard, Lexa only raised her eyebrow in question.

"Octavia and Raven" explained Clarke

"What does that mean? Heart-eyes?"

Clarke smiled, and Lexa's heart thudded. She hasn't seen Clarke look so unguarded for ages. Not since the Mountain. It made her uncomfortable, like she was spying on the sky girl. Clarke was vulnerable in this medicated state. But it would be a lie if she said she would not treasure these stolen moments.

Clarke abruptly sat forward while Lexa was in deep thought. The Commander did not understand what Clarke was doing until the moment after there was soft lips pressing against hers. Her mind stalled before she pulled back, seperating her lips from the tempting girl in shock.

Clarkes eyes glazed over, her blue eyes darkened slightly in desire and her lips a shade pinker than before.

Clarkes fingers pressed against the skin on either side of Lexa's eyes, her smile going lopsided and happy again.

"Heart eyes" crowed the girl, at the result of her kiss.

Lexa could only stare at the cloudling her back ramrod straight and leaned slightly away from Clarke. It was true she felt an attraction and a very real attachment to Clarke but she did not know how much of this sudden kiss came from the medicinal mixture and how much was from Clarke herself.

Lexas eyes dropped to Clarkes lips, tempted to find out but she closed herself down retreating and slowly standing up.

"I will not do this while you are under the influence of strong herbal medicine."

Seeing confusion and hurt contort Clarkes face, Lexa bent down and touched her lips to Clarkes again, chastely but with more force this time. When Clarke's mouth opened alluringly under hers Lexa gasped and retreated again, seriously doubting she had the strength to tear herself away should it go furthur.

"I will back in the morning. If you still want to continue, I would not be adverse to it."

Lexa's words garbled awkwardly, unaccustomed to offering herself to another. But she immediately relaxed seeing the bright smile on Clarke's face at her words.

Clarke nodded eagerly, her body swaying slightly from the elixir given. She started to crawl forward, temptily reaching upward to grab hold of Lexa in some way but the Commander's eyes widened and she backed away, as if from a predator.

She held her hands up warding off the cloudling, again doubting she could stay true to her morals if she was kissed again.

"You will stay here and get some rest. Just lie down" she ordered.

Clarke pouted but sighed and nodded doing as demanded of her.

She layed back and raised her arms to rest on either side of her head, her eyes still calling to Lexa to join her.

_Gods, Clarke could weaken a saint._

She shook her head and bid the cloudling goodnight warning the guard on pain of death that the Sky Princess was not to exit that tent and under no circumstances was anyone but her to go in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the 100.


	25. In our eyes

"An explosion of that size could have killed my army."

Clarke glanced away hearing the unwilling vulnerability. A grounder never would never normally be willing to see a hole in their plans, a danger they were never willing to see, an enemy they underestimated.

And she saved them all.

"I didnt see the point of meaningless death" was her only reply.

Clarke's stomache lurched as she remembered, always remembered, the people in the Mountain. The innocent children. Some older ones shielding their beloveds probably trying in vain to shield them or comfort them.

"Thankfully your General was able to see that all I want for us is peace. Given time I could have even saved the Reapers."

"Explain", Lexa interrupted.

"The Reapers are your people, correct?"

"Captured and turned into monsters, yes." said Lexa nodding.

Clarke tilted her head. "If you look at their necks you'd see puncture marks. Tiny enough to miss. They were given a drug. It has turn them into what they are, driven nearly mad with their addiction and treatment beneath the Mountain."

"And what would you know of whats beneath the Mountain?", she asked.

Clarke's eyes darkened considerably. "I know enough."

She went on to explain.

"My people and I are adept at medication. The drug can be flushed out of their systems Commander. I can turn a reaper back into a man."

"You have great faith in your abilities. Are you sure you can prove what you claim?"

Clarke merely smirked.

Lexa grew angry and unwillingly turned on. She was a cocky sky person.

"I already have. With one of your people. Named Lincoln."

Lexa's gaze intensified. "Show me."

Clarke struggled to contain her smiles. Lexa was too easy to poke now that she knew how to handle her. This version of her was guarded but still very much the Commander that she knew.

Clarke simply nodded gesturing to her camp.


	26. Poor Unfortunate Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Oneshot! Yay! And I warn you. Its a cheery one.

"The truth is after having seen your little playroom, I have no problem with the thought of killing you", said Clarke.

"The truth is everyday is a struggle for me. To act normal, like nothing has changed. That I'm still the same little girl my mother sent down here to die, that I'm a good leader with a clear mind and a good heart for my people, that I have no trouble sitting here like I don't want to take a blunt a knife and stab you in the carotid artery repeatedly. You put me in a cage. . . Having spent the entire previous year in solitary by my own government, well. You could see how that opened some old wounds?"

I got up from my chair and decide to share with Emerson something that would make him bleed instead of me.

I leaned down and put my mouth next to his ear, ignoring the cautious looks the Council was sending me. They said I couldn't physically harm him. I wont. I wont touch him but once he's screaming its best I leave. They would want to know what I said to him to torture him so.

"The truth is I know what goes on in that mountain of yours."

Emerson laughed as if I told a joke.

Bracing my hands on either side of him from behind I continued as if he did nothing.

"I know that President Wallace likes to paint that which he has not seen since he was a child, the outdoors?"

Emerson's smile faded and he stiffened, wondering how I knew that.

"I know that Cage enjoys to visit his pet Reapers deep in the underground cells, to watch as the men scream in anger and in pain and in fear."

I grow angrier by the second but hide my face with Emerson's profile, refusing to stop as he tries to look at me.

"I know that the children like to sing a sweet nursery rhyme on their to class from lunch, holding hands so no one gets lost in the maze of tunnels."

Emerson is now fearful, shaking slightly and his eyes widen as i mention the young ones.

"Don't you talk about them! Stay away from them!", he yelled.

I smile slightly. Now we were getting somewhere.

"I know the taste of raspberries in Sharon's triple decker pie she serves for dinner in the banquet hall. Such flavor."

My eyes close in ecstasy at the remembered delight. Emerson's confusion and fear causes him to scream louder and louder fighting against his bonds, his threats hanging in the air as he sees I know more than he ever thought I could.

When he gets his breath and pauses in his fight I finally look him in the eyes and tilt my head so he can see how serious I am.

"I want you to know that I will get inside the mountain. And I will kill them all. And when you're standing outside, watching it all crumble, I want you to remember that I warned you. And there was nothing you could do to stop me", I say repeating his words after he killed charlotte. The sharp sick rush of pleasure I get from his horrified mask has me smiling slightly. The pain of Charlotte's death still hung heavy in my heart weighing me down but Lexa was wrong. I felt better after this.

His screams echoed as the door to the cell opened, my people stepping back in silent surprise and dismay as they could finally hear the prisoner speak.

The grounders look at me in confusion too. How did I get the tortured screams from the Mountain Man without touching him?

Lexa's eyes were wide and questioning as she matched me step for step as I walked outside to get some air.

"What did you say."

"The truth. And you were wrong. That made me feel much better" I smile, disturbing Lexa as another agonized scream from Emerson faded as we left the ark.


	27. Starstruck

Clarke shifted on her feet in Lexa's tent as she patiently waited for the Commander to be done dismissing her general. Indra threw a dark glance her way before stalking her way from the room.

Clarke couldn't help her irritation at the dark-skinned woman. _Whats her problem?_

Her brow wrinkled slightly as she sighed and held the box in her hand tighter.

She darkly remembered when Indra had "suggested" an offering of fealty to the Commander as tradition that went with peace talks for an alliance. Bellamy and Raven had smirked brightly thinking up on things to give Lexa that they had on hand.

Needless to say there wasn't much they had to offer. Among the scrap metal and panels of lighting left over from the Ark, there were guns, threadbare clothes and, raising the eyebrows of Marcus and Thelonius, alcohol.

Abby dressed it up in a crystal container and handed it to Clarke to present during the ceremony.

Since the offering ceremony didnt go well Clarke supposed she'd better smooth things over and give something of safer, and greater, value to Lexa in person.

Indra had left in a cloud of oppressive tension and with a flick of a tent flap was gone.

Lexa stoically pivoted and faced her at her table, expressionless yet for the most part polite. She halted any movement seeing Clarke had something in her hands.

"What is that Clarke?" she asked, her voice tense with just the right amount of curious.

Clarke's stomache tightened in defensive understanding. Yet another grounder who didn't trust her. Lexa really thought she would hurt her.

Then Clarke remembered that Lexa wasnt brought up the way she was. Rumor had it that the Commander had death threats all the time due to the amount of power she held over the Coalition.

Clarke suddenly felt tired over the hard day. She sighed as she brought the box over to the table in front of them and tried for a short smile.

"My people and I felt bad that our offering . . . Well." Lexa swallowed and lowered her eyes, the blood of her mentor and friend still drying near to the hilt of her sword.

Clarke lowered her eyes too, not wanting to remind Lexa of what had happened but not knowing of another way of going about it.

She hurriedly opened the box and started to pull what was inside as she spoke, "Anyway, I think I have a replacement for you."

"Its not another bottle of firewater I presume." said Lexa.

Her eyes still burned with the memory of Gustus strapped to the tree, she did not think she could stomache a sky person trying to make reparations with a reminder of what she just did.

Lexa's eyes widened and she stepped back haltingly her hand going to the hilt of her sword at her side as a glow came from Clarke's hands.

Clarke smiled looking down at what she cradled. "No. I asked myself what I could give you that you dont have here on earth. I admit, we were a bit rushed and just gave you whatever was on hand. Alcohol from Jasper's spirit tills being at the top of the list. But then I thought of what I missed most about home, about being in the sky."

She raised one hand holding a delicate silver chain to dangle what Lexa could only describe as a-

"A star." she whispered.

It was her grandmother's. There was a whole slew of scientific jargon she could use to explain how her ancestor had found a sample of radioactive meteorite on one of her routine spacewalks but she figured the beauty and rarity of such an object could speak for itself.

She watched happily as Lexa's hand dropped from her sword's hilt and she cautiously walked closer to her, staring at the bright light in her hand.

Lexa was usually so composed, but now her eyes had softened and her lips curved into a small smile as she stared awestruck at the star.

"This is from the sky?" asked Lexa in disbelief.

Clarke smiled and nodded extending her hand for Lexa to take it.

"I, Clarke of the Sky People, extend to you Commander a gift." she said formally. The effect was ruined as she sounded way too delighted. She had just never seen Lexa at a loss of what to say or do. It was kind of charming.

Lexa's hands raised to take it before her expression closed down and she lowered them to her sides, eyes swerving to the sky girl's face scanning it.

"This is yours." she said, gleaning what she could.

When Clarke just nodded her head, hand drawing back.

Lexa was already shaking her head. " I cannot take it from you." She started to turn away before a hand gently encircled her wrist.

Lexa's eyes widened a fraction as she whipped around to face Clarke. No one ever touched her. No one should.

Before she could reprimand her she felt cool fingers coaxing hers apart. She wanted to knock the sky girl down for assuming she could do that but her protests died on her lips as she saw the diamond like rock be encased in her hand.

It felt like when her leg fell asleep during the many meetings and audiences with her generals after she sat or stood in one place for too long. Pins and needles pulsated with her every heartbeat.

It would have been alarming if for not Clarke's hands that were now folding her hand closed into a fist over the offering.

"You can and you will." said Clarke. Lexa's eyes jumped from her hand to the Sky Princess' eyes. They were filled with happiness and laughter. At her.

"Relax Lexa. Its just a gift. I dont expect anything in return." she smirked.

Lexa uncovered the star in her hand to stare at it. A passing memory of her and Costia staring up at the dark sky punctuated by falling lights in a grassfield drifted through her mind before she swatted it aside. This was not the time, not in front of someone.

"Its beautiful." she whispered.

Lexa didnt know why but when Clarke's eyes held hers for a moment, as if she could feel the pain in her heart and wanted to do something about it, to make her feel better, she needed to say it. Needed to thank her for taking this extra step in the direction of peace, as so few were aught to do during a war.

Clarke's throat tightened unexpectedly as she saw the raw pain in Lexa's face, so close to the surface. She didnt think Lexa showed emotions like this to just anyone.

She wanted to sit down with her, in sympathy, and try to coax a real conversation with this grounder. Maybe to make her feel better about what she had lost today. She wasnt a fool she could see that Gustus obviously meant a lot to her. What she couldn't do was be her friend.

Clarke's heart sank as she realized she wouldn't be very welcome here. Not yet, anyway.

She smiled sadly and gave Lexa's hand a final squeeze getting the hint from her ever increasing tight posture that she should leave.

She could wish her a good night and hope that whatever Lexa is going through, she will be strong enough to persevere through on her own.

"May the light guide your way through the darkest of nights." she bade her before she loped her way out of the tent.

* * *

**(A/N: Disclaimer: This last line is a variation of a line from the Lord of the Rings.** _**May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out.** _ **)**

**Apology in advance if there are any mistakes.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I OWN THE 100 :D In my dreams where no one is killed off next season.


	28. Clarity cont.

My eyes run over the Commander's face, tracing her war paint and smoky green eyes, and full lips. Its when desire stirs low in my belly that Octavia's words run through my head.

Oh.

"I'm gonna kill her." I groan. I hide my face under my arm as I wriggle in Lexa's uncomfortable throne. I don't know how she doesn't have back problems.

"Kill who, Clarke?" asked Lexa.

I sigh and glance at Lexa weirdly. Why was she still across the tent?

"Octavia. She spiked my drink!"

"She's the one who did this? I'll kill her!" yelled Lexa angrily.

I almost nodded, annoyed, before I quickly scrambled off the raised dais trying not to trip over my own legs. Lexa probably would kill her.

"Don't" I groaned.

Lexa turned back around from the entrance of the tent, allowing me to hold onto her forearm for balance. She stood stiffly regarding me silently.

"She's just a goofball. She didn't mean any harm." I say roughly, my throat suddenly feeling dry.

"A- goofball?" said Lexa, uncertain.

My mouth quirked as I stared at Lexa's adorable confusion.

"Yeah." I chuckled. "It means she meant it as a joke. Tried to get me drunk so I'd loosen up."

Lexa frowned and huffed clearly wanting to take action against my friend and slowly growing frustrated with my language. "Loosen? Like when you stretch your muscles after a training session?" she asked quietly.

This time it took everything in my fogged state of mind to tamp down my grin. I wasn't laughing at her because she didn't understand, I was trying not to grab her and kiss her frown off her face. She was adorable.

"Um . . . I forgot what we were talking about." I murmur swaying towards Lexa then catching myself looking at her lips. I wanted to kiss those lips.

"Lets get you to bed."

Okay. Nothing could stop my smile to that. I chuckle and shake my head at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing of the 100.


	29. Be the leaf

I tried not to smirk at the shocked expressions on the men's faces!

Holding the dagger to Jaha's throat I ignored everyone else in the room. I never did make Jaha pay for what he did to my father. Or even Marcus who just stood by. This world I found myself in again, after my death, was so familiar. And yet I never got the chance to explore it. I gave up that chance too quickly.

I tilt my head seeing the draw the Tridekru had for revenge. Blood for blood. Jaha's throat bobbed as he swallowed against the knife, slicing his skin with just that action and allowing blood to drip freely. "You dont remember me do you?" I say sadly.

I thought he would, like last time. But his eyes dart across my face in confusion. Of course, without my mother beside me I must seem like just another delinquent sent down to die.

I should be mad about that but in reality I pity him. He's killed so many people, the sight of their faces must blur together. Not fully taking shape. It would make it easier for him.

". . . What do you mean?" he asked dodgedly. My lips twitch. Politicians always do seem to know how to skirt around the hard questions.

I drop the arm holding the knife and step forward making him scramble back, holding his arm out in front of Marcus. The sight might look like a ragged killer holding a knife in front of a leader protecting one of his subjects, but to me he just seems pompous.

My eyes scan them before I shake my head in disgust. "Nothing." I say. My insides swirl with the poison they exute. Like worms beneath my feet, these men would gain nothing from my words or my explanations. They simply can't understand.

I drop the knife on the floor behind me. The metal clangs as it hits the stone. A small irattional part of me hopes the dagger gets damaged in some way. The Commander would be annoyed.

Ignoring the furtive glances sent my way by Lexa I step to the corner of the subway not caring if Jaha really does try to barter his way out of this by killing me. I was so tired of this world. It wasnt full of chances at a peaceful way of life, it was filled with grief and sadness, of hardships that tear away at your soul until there is nothing but a shell of who you use to be.

I killed so many people that first time. It was some other fool's turn now. Let he or she be ground into dust by Lexa, I was so done.

My mind turned over everyone in my mind who had left me when they saw who I had become in that other world: My mother, Octavia, Raven, Jasper. Bellamy didn't but that was only because the fool thought he was in love with me. And Finn . . . He never cared about me, not really. He just felt bad he started a circle of events that nearly killed the whole camp.

I felt Lexa's eyes on me again, tracing my slumped form. Jaha was seething on the other side of the subway probably salivating over the chance at killing me when I was asleep. The way I had disarmed him and help him at knife point the first time spoke of how well I could defend myself.

A part of me wanted to beat him down just on principle. But for what? To survive in this hellish place? To gain the trust and respect of the Commander? To convince her we were invaluable in the fight against the Mountain Men?

I try not sigh at the thought. That all happened and it still ended in smoke and blood and death.

Distantly I hear the tailend of Marcus' little speech. " . . . END THIS WAR!"

Lexa jerked slightly in surprise of his manic outburst. I almost smiled. She was still attractive. In the slavegirl getup it was almost unfair. Her fingers almost innocently fiddle with a leaf from the ground.

I had noticed that long ago. When she sat still her fingers always had to play with something. A leaf, a dagger, a cup of water, the hilt of her sword. It was so both parts annoying and cute.

As if that last thought was said outloud I could see in the corner of my eye Lexa let the leaf go and look towards me.

Call it luck or fate. But just as she let the leaf pass from the tips of her fingers a wind blew it into my lap. My lips quirked into a smile against my iron will. Seeing the small green leaf I pick it up and look up towards her, eyes twinkling in thanks. Her eyes widened microscopically wide when they catch mine. They were the same shade of the leaf and startled like the two-headed deer's. We were caught in our little moment until Jaha stepped towards me again, causing Lexa to jerk her head down.

She was a great actress. For a moment there I actually thought she was human. My smile fades as I hear Jaha roar and reach for the weapon again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: Hi! New chapter so soon? Yes! Enjoy
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything in connection with the 100.


	30. Clarity cont.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the 100.   
> A/N: Hi :) Nice new chapter for you guys. Hey, you wanted angst. Don't hate me.

"Why are you laughing Clarke?" asked Lexa, bemused.

I got distracted by her coming close and raising my arms around her shoulders, to help me walk back to my tent, to say anything for a moment.

When her eyebrow raised at my continued stare I swallowed and glanced away squinting at the ground that seemed to be rocking under my feet.

"You're funny," said Clarke.

I didn't know what to do with my hand now that my arm was strung around her shoulders so I just gripped her leather jacket.

It was cool to the touch and soft and I instantly liked it. Just like I like all her clothes on her. Not as much as I'd like it of-

"Clark!"

"Ah- ehm. What?"

I broke my gaze from the ground to look back into her wide, concerned eyes.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes. Are you alright? Maybe I should stay," said Lexa.

My eyes widened in horror before I looked forward again seeing my tent in view. I tried to keep my voice normal as I did my best to ease her fears. "No,no its ok. I'm just tired. You don't have to stay."

Lexa smiled slightly amused at Clarke's slurring voice. "I promised your people I'd look after you. I intend to keep my promises Clarke," she asserted.

I tried to calm my nerves. It was just Lexa. Its not like having her in my tent would be a weird thing, we slept in the same tent all the time. When the rain stopped travel back to Camp Jaha after the meetings took too long, it was common for us two to take shifts sleeping on her furs in the corner of Lexa's big war tent. So this, this wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary.

As she nimbly retracted my limp arm from her shoulders and gently eased me down into my small pallet on the floor- that theory went up in smoke.

I was drunk! What if i said something or did something stupid. Throwing myself at the Commander, at Lexa, would just ruin everything.

I struggled to keep my gaze away from her as she surveyed my tent. It wasn't as big as her war tent. But it was warm and dry and that was all I needed.

"What is this?"

I whipped my head around as I saw her fingering a mess of papers in the corner. My eyes rounded as I saw she had my drawings.

"Um, just some things I drew on the side," I hurredly gather them in my hands to order it into a neat pile before Lexa's long deft fingers snatched one up for inspection. Her coy grin had me grinding my teeth.

She smiled at me and returned her bright eyes to the paper in her hands, flitting over all the shading, all the detail.

It was of Monau in the cage, when I saved her life. The creature had her jaws open and arms raised in powerful anger. I used to shudder just looking at it, not sure why I felt the need to copy it down. It was just the first time I felt truly scared of the wild life on this earth, as well as the only time I could say I saved the Heda's life.

"You're very good. You captured the pauna as if he could jump straight out of the page," Lexa complimented.

I blushed slightly at her praise before I tugged it from her grip. She smirked as she held it a moment longer, not wanting her perusal done just yet. Spoiled Heda.

"It's nothing special. I just draw when I can't sleep at night. It's something I do that calms me," I said while I set the drawings down on my bed to order them more neatly.

I tensed as Lexa sat down next me staring at all my work. I sighed and shifted away so she can reach over me to take another one.

My vision swayed low staring at her legs that seemed to be miles long and only painted in black leather.

"Clarke."

I snatched my gaze away quickly, guiltily, before I bit my lip and glanced back hoping she didnt notice.

Her eyebrows were furrowed low as she stared hard at what was in her hand. She glanced back at me, eyes questioning and lazor sharp.

I titled my head confused at what she was looking at since I couldn't see it yet. She shifted her hand and my eyes nearly widened before I controlled my expression remembering belatedly that she was watching.

It was a drawing of her. Standing at the war table. Looking beautiful like always. It was of the first war meeting, the first time I saw her without her war paint. It struck me at that moment how truly gorgeous she was. And I copied it down. Stupid me. She has my heart in her hands and _she's glaring at me right now._

"Um yeah thats you," I whisper.

"Is this really how you see me?" she asked not unkindly.

I started to nod as she looked down at the paper but stopped cold as her eyes closed off when she looked back.

I clear my throat and force a laugh. "Yeah, its just of that one time at the meeting when Quin-"

"-You drew me to calm yourself," she said softly-like a statement. It wasn't a question.

My mouth opened but I had nothing to say so I shook my head and gathered up all the papers, gently prying the last from her hand.

I threw all the drawings in a bag at the side of my pallet and started to lie back closing my eyes when a strong hand touched my arm.

Lexa hesitantly said, "Clarke. You cannot do that."

Confused I shook my head and asked "Do what?"

"Draw me. Look at me the way you were just now."

My cheeks flushed. I thought she had missed me checking her out. And what, shes saying I can't do that?

"I can't like you?", I asked in a small voice.

"No Clarke. You can't love me," she said assertive.

My body grew still at her words, frozen. Love? She knows that I . . . And she doesnt . . .

"Lexa I-"

"You are a member of the Coalition now, Clarke. You must behave accordingly."

My eyes swam as I tried to take in what she was saying. Was she asking me to stop loving her? Or was she saying that she doesn't feel the same in return?


	31. Clarity cont.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the 100. (Not without trying anyway ;)
> 
> WARNING: Thoughts of suicide in this one. Lo siento but I think any more drama in Clarke's life should impact her already fragile mental state.
> 
> Authors Note: I know Clarity chapters are sort of back to back now but its not gonna be a trend. Promise!

* * *

My eyes swam as I tried to take in what she was saying. Was she asking me to stop loving her? Or was she saying that she doesn't feel the same in return?

I stood stock-still unsure of what exactly to do. The pain after what Lexa just said had me frozen. I couldn't even blink. My eyes slide away from the green scanning me, trying to glean my response. I sucked in a breath and sighed crawling back towards my bag and dragging out the many sketches I made of Lexa.

"Cl-"

I shook my head holding a finger in the direction of the Commander, unsure of how to even respond.

Wordlessly I gathered the embarrassingly large pile, most of it Lexa had not seen, and stood up holding them out to Lexa to take.

"Why are you giving them to me?" she asked.

I slowly raised my eyes and just looked at her. I never told Lexa my feelings for some unknown reason. Apart from her standoffish appearance Lexa would sometimes sit and listen to me talk for a long time. Sometimes it would be me asking the grounder questions about her culture, her language, places unseen but things I've dreamt of for all my life. Others it was just aimless chatter, nothing important but to me it was just enough to hear Lexa's voice and see her ghost of a smile.

No, I never really gave a thought to telling Lexa how I had grown to feel for her. I guess now I always knew. Knew what Lexa's response would be.

"They should be destroyed " I said.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I really didn't want to cry. It wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't change the fact that Lexa saw through me, right through to the heart of me and didn't hesitate to strike at the quick.

I retracted my hand when Lexa didn't take the stupid drawings. I don't understand. This is what Lexa wanted.

The smart thing to do is to destroy any evidence of my love for her. This was weakness, I was weak. Nothing to Lexa but a  _burden._

After Finn my greatest fear was that she'd look at me and find that flaw, that piece of my heart that sent my first love back to someone else. My biggest fear has become realized and it  _hurt._

Lexa wouldn't stay either. She wont choose me. Wont feel the same way.

"You are a great artist Clarke. You have a true talent and a better heart. But I cannot- I'm not doing this to hurt you", stuttered Lexa.

I could only look blankly at the floor. Any of Lexa's- no, the Commander's words were drowned out by the pain I was feeling in this moment. It didn't make sense, what she was saying or trying to say. All I knew, all I felt, was that once again my heart was broken. And after the Mountain, Ton DC, everything . . . there was no one to put it back together again. I'm all alone in the world.

My dark soul, or whatever that Lexa and Finn saw, has pushed the others away. Raven, Jasper, my mother. They look at me with disgust and disappointment in their eyes. I suddenly sobbed not wanting to see it in Lexa's too.

It would kill me. The pain in my heart, in my bones, just gets worse. If I see just a hint of this in Lexa's eyes it would legitimately kill me. And if it didn't, if this hell didn't end soon, then I would end it myself.

"Clarke. Clarke . . . Clarke!"

Lexa's shouting and shaking me finally got my attention.

Abruptly I put my focus on anywhere but Lexa's eyes.

Hissing in a breath I stepped back from the Commander's strong hold.

"Please leave."

"No Clar-"

"Please Commander. Leave my tent. I'd like to go to sleep."

"Clarke." Said Lexa angrily, hating to be interrupted. She started to stalk towards me but my face crumpled and I stepped back as if from a predator.

"I cant handle anymore Lexa. I will stop being such an obvious lovesick burden bothering you all the time. I will stop leaving pieces of my love in stupid, useless drawings that are only evidence of my weakness. I will even stop looking at you so no one of the alliance gets the wrong idea that you are in any way vulnerable by proxy. But I will  _not_  stop demanding my space when I need it. It is late, I am drunk, and you need to leave."


	32. Be the leaf cont.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I take no credit for the 100.  
> A/N: Hi! New chapter, document, one shot - whatever. Its a continuation of "Be the leaf". Hope you find it interesting :)

She was a great actress. For a moment there I actually thought she was human. My smile fades as I hear Jaha roar and reach for the weapon again.

It took me a moment to decide if I would move or not. Should I let Jaha run me through with that dagger? Should I die and let him live, let him be the Chancellor to my people however long they would hold out against the trikru? Should I give up?

I sighed making my decision, albeit frustrated at my propensity towards survival. Why couldn't I just let it go?

Ignoring the angry man barreling towards me, his knife arm in a wide arc that left his side vulnerable, I nimbly got up and attacked. A fast kick to his left knee had him grunting in surprise and pain as he stumbled. He swiped at me, trying to slash instead of stab this time but his aim was too random, giving me the opening I needed. I ignored a brief flash of pain that showed he hit his mark and held onto the muscle at the junction of his neck and shoulder going for the nerve that allowed him use to his arm. The knife made a clank as it dropped to the floor and he fell to his knees staring dumbly at his limp appendage in confusion for a moment.

Knowing he'd try to grab me with his other arm I just went in for the kill, stepping behind him attacking his nerve at his spine, taking away his use of anything below the neck.

"Clarke . . . What are you doing to me?," he grunted.

I smirked, ignoring the incredulous look I was getting from Lexa and Kane, and stepped in front of Thelonius so he could see me.

"Pressure points." I said, bending down and picking up the knife.

"Please," Kane said his hands held up beseechingly. "You don't have to do this."

I gave him a patented  _really?_  look before I stared at the pitiful sight before me. Thelonius was on his knees, grunting as he tried to lift his arms, move his legs,  _something_ to get at me.

I chuckled twirling the knife in my hands. I could see why Lexa liked to do it. It made others near her fear she would just chuck it at them if they got her too angry. It was heady the power but in this moment it was also childish.

I sigh and hold out the knife to Kane. I know he wouldn't turn it on me.

He use to be a self-righteous man- least that's how I knew him to be on the Ark. But something on his journey here changed him. Broke him and repaired him into someone new. I now knew it was because he sacrificed 300 people to save himself and the council. It may have started as a selfish decision to buy himself time and oxygen but the full weight of his choice hit him and he's still reeling, even now. I knew that look well.

Kane slumped relieved as he took the knife and set it down beside him taking my hand and tugging me into a hug, laughing slightly.

I stiffened unsure of what this was before I heard him speak.

"Clarke. I know you . . . You're the spitting image of your father." said Kane.

I stand still not wanting to be touched by him. He still stood by while my father was killed. He did nothing. . . Well, at least he  _remembered_.

"Clarke. You're Clarke?" asked Thelonius desperately. His voice was rough from dehydration but I could clearly hear the dawning realization of who he'd tried to kill.

Growling I clench my fist and bring up my leg kicking the side of Thelonius face once, making him go unconscious. He had no right to look at me like that. Like it was my obligation to explain to him more who I was, why he shouldn't have tried to kill me.

Kane looked despondently down at the former Chancellor. He couldn't say anything. Thelonius did just try to attack me.

A trickle of blood bubbled off the surface of his lip. Grabbing the back of Thelonius' shirt I abruptly dragged him towards the 'slave girl's feet and drop him roughly not caring if I added a concussion to his long list of injuries. Kane stepped back confused, still not going near the knife.

The girl looked confused down at Thelonius' body and at Kane, who's still not taking the chance to end my life like he can, then lastly at me.

Her pale eyes regarded me, for a second losing her pretense of fearful subjugation, before she dropped her eyes and asked, "What are you doing?"

Her arms were braced on either side of her, her limp leg splayed awkwardly.

"Not killing a coward apparently." I say with disgust as I look down at Thelonius.

Breathing through my nose, I toe the small pool of blood at my feet pointing it out to the girl.

"Blood for blood." I say.

The girls lips pulled back from her teeth in a snarl, "That is not enough to pay for what has been done."

"It will have to be." I say kicking the limp man on the floor out of my way as I step toward the stiffening Commander.

"Give me this pardon as an apology for lieing to me." I demand, standing tall.

The slave raised her eyes abruptly at that, slowly standing up from the ground to her full height.

Kane made a disbelieving sound behind me, almost making me smirk. Idiots. How could anyone not see it. The Commander will and always will be  _this._  A dark force. A warrior.

"Who are you?" she asked, eyes roving over me. Where before I was crumpled in the ground now I'm a leader. The person my people wanted me to be.

"Clarke. Leader of the Sky People. I've heard much about you Commander." I say.

Last time I practically begged her not to kill us, to pardon us, to help us. Now I see that was foolish. Things will have to change this time around. For my life and that of our people. Enough have died. Now half of the 100 are trapped in Mount Weather sooner than it was before. I plan to get them out, all of them, even the grounders but to do that I need Lexa's army.

Thanks to Thelonius inadvertently insulting the trikru that may never happen.

Things will have to change. I cant be walked over, given lessons and lectures by Lexa. Its important I appear to be at least partly competent in leading my people. Some moments I will have to fake it to make it. Others will come from experience.

Truly I don't think demanding a pardon will work but its all I have for now until Lexa calms down and hears what I have to say.

I do actually have something to trade for her help. My memories of the inside of Mount Weather, my knowledge of how to turn a reaper back into a man. Even the instincts Lexa pounded into me when she taught me how to fight. And Anya, I know how to gain her trust. Crazily enough I'd have to fight her, top her somehow again. I think Lexa said one night that you could only get a true read on who someone is once you've fought them. I had shrugged at the time, not entirely sure I'd use that tidbit against a Mountain Man in the battle to come but now . . . It was something to use anyway.

I also had picked up a lot of trigadeslang and stories about the other clans.

Obviously I wont tell Lexa all of this now.

My thoughts were cut short when Gustus and his band of merry men opened the door to this subway-prison cell. He gruffly took in the view before him. His furry brows jumped down immediately seeing that a man was bloody and on the floor but clearly alive.

 _Why has it not been done?_  he asks just a touch reproachfully. He's probably unsure of the situation, unsure if he should keep up the appearance that he's the Commander.

I decided to appear confused as they spoke. Knowing their native tongue could prove useful should they have important information I need to know.

Lexa took off her headband, exposing the intricate braids underneath, and ordered him to stand down. He bowed his head and unbuckled the shoulder guard placing it rightfully on Lexa as she confidently turned around.

"All Sky People are not all foolish idiots . . . it appears." she bites out, still miffed.

I sigh bending down and picking up the blade, slowly and by the metal, so as to appear threatening when I hand it over.

Lexa takes the wooden end of the knife eyeing me up and down, then hands it to one of her men.

"Why has this branwada appeared before my people as the Leader of the Sky People and not you?" she challenges.

I clench my jaw raising my hand when Kane tries to speak. He stops himself short huffing but stepping back, instinctually knowing that I'm getting him out of this but only if keeps his trap shut.

"He was the previous Chancellor." I say.

Lexa raises her eyebrow, "And you did not kill him when you took his place. You still choose not to."

I stiffen. She's starting to see me as weak. "Every life is precious," I say quietly, disregarding the scoffs I hear behind the Commander. I bitterly look down at the man who killed my father. "Even his" I continue.

My eyes turn back to her. "When I kill I do it for a greater purpose. Not to soothe hurt feelings." I say, trying to poke at the trikru just a little.

Grumblings start to get heated before Lexa says "Em pleni." She nods, her eyes faintly respecting.

I train my eyes on her men trying to take into account that they are all trained fighters and with but a word I can be dead.

I turn back to her stating, "Thelonius will be a part of my council. If he wont be killed, I'll give you something in return."

"And what pray tell can you possibly offer?" she says with a trace of a smirk on her lips. Well, at least I amuse her.

"A man attacked one of my 100." I don't bother to explain that part. "Speared him through his stomach and tied him up into a tree . . . Almost as if he was bait waiting to ensnare anyone who came and tried to help him. We have him in custody. His tattoos are of your culture so he isn't a Mountain Man . . . Spare Thelonius' life and I'll trade you." I say.

A glint appears in her eyes, not only am I smart but she can tell I have a traitor of hers. Any trikru was supposed to only observe us. She told me long ago, after I described the attack, that at the time she wanted to only methodically track us, watch us, learn our weaknesses, our relationships, our strengths. Such a blatant disregard for her orders would brand that warrior a traitor.

Obviously she doesn't know I know this, and might see me as intelligent; offering up an attacker that should be killed in the wake of a possible alliance in the place of someone I need alive in part of my council. I would expect her to kill him to appease my people's insult for capturing their Chancellor and she would secretly be content with getting her hands on anyone who dared defy her.

Men behind her shuffled their feet, uneasy because apparently no one saw it fit to tell the Commander that there were traitors attacking us. Oh, they were in so much trouble.

"We have a deal." she says smirking slightly, again. I'm really not that funny. I frown before I tear my gaze away when I hear Thelonius groan and start to move.

I kick him in the side barking out "Get up".

He does, albeit slowly. He looks at me crossly opening his mouth but Marcus shushes him saying we were being let go.

"Why?" he asks, confused.

"Your Chancellor saw it fit to barter for your freedom. You should thank her. I would have killed you for your insolence." says Lexa, her voice hard as steel.

Thelonius' eyes widen staring at Lexa in horror. "You're the Commander?!" he asks.

I sigh closing my eyes minutely and shaking my head. Branwada. Could've just killed him. Lexa seemed to be holding in a full blown smile now seeing I'm starting to regret my decision.

"He will stay here. Until I have this prisoner of yours in custody." she says not unkindly.

I nod in agreement nodding at Marcus to go ahead of me. He does, tiptoeing cautiously around the giants in the prison cell. I glide past but a hand grabs hold of my wrist.

I side eye the Commander. What now?

"How did you know who I was?" she asks, her eyes penetrating.

I smirk unsure of what to say. Then it comes to me. "I wasn't scared enough when I met Gustus."

Said man grumbled under his breath.

"And am I to fear you? Chancellor Clarke?" she asks smoothly. Her smirk and slanted eyes at me . . . I would almost think she was flirting with me if I didn't know better.

I channel all the dead weight of the souls I carry since I died. The 300 warriors I burned alive in Camp Jaha, the unsuspecting warriors in Ton DC blown away by the missile I agreed to not warn them of, the innocent children deep inside the Mountain. I will always carry them with me. And that feeling of foreboding I felt before I killed them made its way into my voice.

"Yes. Yes, you should."


	33. Running Up That Hill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the 100. (She squints thoughtfully at the night sky and says "One day though . . . ")
> 
> A/N: Hi! Its been too long my friends. There's a special place in my heart for all the poor college kids before me who've persevered against term papers and finals week. You guys are the light at the end of this tunnel. Anyways, here's my latest and greatest installment!
> 
> WARNING: This has Bible references so I apologize if I offend anyone.

Clarke shuddered nervously as she read the fat book in her lap. Lexa looked questioningly at her. That was the fifth time tonight she acted this way.

"What is that?" asked Lexa. The book seemed tattered as if it too fell down from space just to be here.

"The Bible" said Clarke. Her tone was flat, lifeless. Lexa stared at the text unsure if she should continue to question but another sigh from the girl prompted her.

"The what?" said Lexa. Clarke glanced at Lexa but seeing her confusion, she reluctantly clarified not taking her eyes from the passages in front of her.

"It's a book that is important among some of my people. Its text is said to hold the words of God."

"You have a deity you worship?" Lexa was confused. She'd never seen Clarke pray or talk about her beliefs. Why was she reading on it now?

"Not me. Some of my people. Most don't believe in Him. But its common practice to quote a few words from this when officiating a wedding."

Lexa's stomach bottomed out. Clarke was getting married?

"And who may I ask is being tied to who?" She said, measuring her words to not seem so . . . concerned.

Clarke glanced at her still thumbing through the Bible. "Octavia."

Lexa's eyes widened imperceptibly. It wasn't the fact the newest addition to her clan was getting joined with Lincoln that shook her insides. She knew of the girl, Clarke and Indra spoke to her and of her often. It was how relieved she was that was shocking.

"Octavia" she repeated.

Clarke nodded. "Octavia and Lincoln decided that the battle that's coming . . . No one is sure what will happen." Clarke's eyes grew heavy, her voice more solemn. But soon the blonde shook her head and pasted on a smile that quickly grew more genuine as she spoke.

"They love each other. And they asked me to officiate the ceremony. Since I'm you know "the leader"." Clarke quoted with her fingers. Lexa grew more confused with the gesture but pushed that aside in favor of the conversation. "Octavia insisted she's never been a part of us, she belongs on the ground and wanted your traditions but Lincoln says this", Clarke gestured at the book,"will always be a part of her. Her history, where she came from. Truthfully I agree with Octavia. She . . . found herself here."

Lexa tilted her head at the Sky Princess. Clarke found herself here too. She almost pointed that out but didn't want to upset the blonde. She let her go on.

"Anyways", Clarke shook her blonde curls. The delicate hairs tickling Lexa's cheek. She jerked back much to the ignorance of the sky girl, not realizing how close she'd gotten.

"I have to officiate the ceremony and I don't know where to start."

"You've never done the ceremony?"

Clarke gifted her with one of her rare smiles. "No Lexa, I've never gotten married."

Lexa opened her mouth and closed it, for once taken aback.

Clarke giggled. "I know, not what you meant. I'm teasing."

Warmth curled in her heart unbiddenly before she snorted and tugged the book from Clarke's lap.

She opened the book at the marked page, much to the sputtering blonde's surprise.

She tried not to smirk. Who's laughing now?

"Hey, I was reading that" Clarke giggled.

"Well, I am now" said Lexa adamantly.

"You can read English?" Clarke asked, uncertain if she was insulting the Commander.

Lexa tilted her head, unimpressed with the words here.

She hummed noncommittally.

"This is your God's words verbatim?" she questioned.

Clarke huffed a laugh. "Hardly. No its thousands of years old, words from His followers who wrote them down from their testimony of what they witnessed, what they believed, what they say they heard from Him in dreams and visions."

Lexa looked at the blonde thoughtfully. "You don't sound very sure."

"I'm not. But I believe. A little. Honestly . . . I. I grew up listening to my mom tell me stories of all the people she couldn't save. How they became angels in Heaven and were looking down on us as we lived on."

Lexa swallowed, seeing some similarities now between their culture. Every day she prayed Costia's spirit found its way to the gods despite her beheading. Every day she swears she can feel her love still.

But she drew out of her thoughts with Clarke's words bubbling from her now as if broken from a dam.

"But since coming down here, I don't know what I believe. There's just too much horror in here, in whats real, to believing in something I can't see or touch. Or feel."

Lexa nodded understanding now.

"Like this."

Lexa stiffened. Clarke had shuffled closer and was now flipping through the pages rapidly searching for something. Lexa slowly breathed in Clarke's scent, tried to focus on the nimble fingers tracking down a paragraph before her.

She said "Ah" before tapping something for Lexa to read. "My father showed this to me when I asked how did he feel when he married my mom."

Lexa's eyes softened greatly. Clarke never talked about her father. From his obvious absence from her side she could guess why. But this must be very important to her.

Lexa read it aloud, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." [1Corinthians 13:4]

"Its beautiful", she commented.

She startled hearing Clarke bitterly laugh.

Clarke was staring at the far wall. "Its unrealistic. Love is all those things. Its patient and kind but I haven't a married couple alive who doesn't get jealous or resent each other for  _some_  things, most of the men can be at times arrogant and I know more than a few married women who are rude to their spouses. But most married couples move past that. They . . .see the bad  _and_  the good in each other. They accept the other for who they are and endure . . . When I see Octavia and Lincoln together. I don't know. I see that."

Lexa swallowed her suddenly dry throat unsure how she was going to get through a lifetime distancing herself from this creature.

"Then say that" rasped Lexa, her voice hoarse.

"What?" Clarke jerked herself back to the moment and stared at Lexa's pale eyes regarding her softly.

"Say that. At the wedding."

Lexa slowly closed the Book and handed it to Clarke, her eyes flicked to their hands almost touching the leather cover and then the blue eyes shining gratefully at her.

"Its perfect."


	34. Not Yet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi! Sorry I haven't updated as soon as I would have liked, my laptop charger broke (again) and my laptops dead. Take this small post as the virgin sacrifice that it is cus' I gots nothing better right now. **she giggles evilly as she whispers, "not yet" **
> 
> P.S. Special love to all my fellow lovers of the 100. Wasn't Season 3's premiere fantastic!? I for one can't wait for the next episode.

Clarke straightened when she felt the familiar weight of Lexa's gaze on her.

She focused on the weapon in her hands, notching the arrow and aiming at the target feet away like Anya taught her.

"You think you're a Tridekru?," provoked Indra.

Clarke let go of the arrow, trying not to smirk as it hit the target dead center. She covered what she's sure is a wide grin with her blonde hair as she bent down and retrieved another one.

Ignoring the silent outrage pouring from the General she aimed again, breathing out slowly as she let another arrow fly.

"You wont have so much luck with a moving target, Sky Girl," spat Indra.

Clarke spared an empty glance Indra's way. The Commander's face was clear of warpaint today.

Indra huffed and stalked off towards the training grounds. Clarke's lips flattened her smirk when her eyes were drawn to the silent warrior still standing in front of her.

Not really knowing the right procedure when addressing the Commander for the "first time", Clarke tried for simple politeness.

Nodding in respect she murmured "Commander" before grabbing another arrow.

She winced as her tender fingers came in contact with the rough hewn wood.

Before she could notch another arrow strong, capable fingers grabbed her wrist and probed her raw fingertips.

Her stomach clenched as a tingle of something exciting spread from their shared touch. Clarke's eyes darted from their hands to Lexa's green eyes. "You've never held a weapon before. Your skin is too soft." she said.

She was focused on Clarke's fingers examining them much like a healer would.

Seeing that they were unnaturally alone,the Commander often trailing behind a brigade of guards, Clarke smiled genuinely happy at her concern.

"Its fine. I'll get use to it." she whispered. Clarke tried not to jump as Lexa started to experimentally stroke her palm, exploring the plump skin innocently.

Her stroking seemed non-committal, almost clinical but Clarke bit her lip from the simple pleasure of it all.

"How is it that you are so adept with a weapon, Clarke?"

Clarke swallowed still staring at their shared hands. She could feel the heavy gaze of Lexa once again and it didn't make it any easier to lie.

She tried for a simple truth. "I'm a fast learner."

She snatched her hands back and turned back to the task at hand.


	35. Lexa no!

Hey guys.

I know its been a while since I posted anything but I just watched the latest episode of The 100 and felt the need to send everyone a cyber hug on this dark day. Lexa was a great Heda, a friend to few and lover to none other than Clarke. We will all miss this great character and I hope we will be able to see Lexa again in episodes to come. (I heard a rumor that Lexa gets to say she loves Clarke but maybe that happens in a flashback, dream or dreaded death hallucination for Clarke.)

On a far brighter note I'm almost done with my latest update and I look forward to getting feedback with your thoughts on how things go. I'm sorry its come only after this happened. But inspiration can come from the most unlikely of places. And as soon as I watched the last episode I couldn't think of writing anything else.

Reshop Heda Leksa. May we meet again.

~Aly


	36. The Traveler's Blessing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know this is probably riddled with grammatical mistakes but I'm just gonna post this and fix it in the morning. I hope this helps with the shock. Yeah, I'm gonna go cry now.

Clarke did her best in the subway to keep her cool as Lexa, or The Commander really, sat just two feet away. Murphy did a good job at keeping her together and reminding her that the Lexa she knew was not in that cell. She was a ruthless killer right now that would barely hesitate to kill her if she was perceived as a threat. And right then brokering peace between their people was most important. Clarke hid her face in Murphy's shoulder as soon as she awoke, having surmised where she was after they were ambushed from behind. And just the fleeting glimpse from the corner of her eye of Lexa's long legs splayed out on the dirt floor, of her braids hidden under a poorly cared-for hairband, of her voice all husky-silent-strength murmuring to Marcus and Jaha about her rules-it was enough to break her, if only slightly more than her already cracked psyche was before.

She stuck it through, passing Lexa's test. Even seemingly impressing her with how she knew the Commanders identity so quickly, but her green eyes were so . . . guarded. Not the warm, tender green that she'd gazed in before. No, this wasn't Lexa. It cant be.

Clarke sighed knowing what she had to do now. Go through all this again and do her utmost best to keep everyone alive. A rustle of fabric pronounced her entrance to Lexa's tent. She kept her gaze wandering around, trying to seem curious and not like she's dreading the sight before her.

"Clarke," said Lexa.

Clarke's eyes jerked up taking in Lexa's customary war paint and armor. She preferred her hair down and free. Less tangled and braided than this, something to hold on to . . .

The Commander stood there and she stepped towards her with purpose. She opened her mouth to say something before closing it shut with a click.

Clarke furrowed her eyebrows. She didn't remember the Commander ever being so nervous.

"Commander?" asked Clarke anxiously. Lexa seemed to have froze or, no halted. Like she wasn't sure how to proceed.

Silence pervaded the tent for long moments, that slowly stretched out into minutes. She started to wonder if the Commander would answer.

Pain exploded in her heart as she glanced around and caught sight of Lexa's furs on her bedding behind another curtain in the deeper recesses of the tent. Lexa's favorite was a white hide that she said reminded her of the bright stars from whence Clarke came. She remembered it felt so soft to the touch, almost silky, like water under her fingertips. She had clenched her hands on that same fur when they first . . .

Abruptly, Clarke swallowed and looked away turning her back to Lexa as if inspecting the other side the canvas shelter.

Unbeknownst to Clarke, Lexa locked her jaw as her green eyes traced her Sky Girl's presence with care. She breathed through her nose and stepped closer having come to a decision.

"In peace may you leave the shore, In love may you find the next," said Lexa in a careful voice. Her sweet cadence hit Clarke full force shocking her into freezing in place.

Her lips trembled as a cruel thought came to mind. It cant be . . .

She suddenly sobbed and closed her hand over her mouth to keep the rest in. Firstly, if this was Lexa-and her mind immediately shut down on the bitter-painful-consuming hope-then Lexa would quote the Travelers Blessing to her first chance she got to prove she was here, that she knew . . . everything.

"Safe passage on your travels, until-"

Clarke whirled around facing Lexa with tears in her eyes. "Until your final journey to the ground." she rasped around the lump lodged in her throat. A choking, pitiful catch hit her voice just as she finished, "May we meet again."

Lexa stopped, her hands clenching into fists. Her eyes were wide and staring at Clarke in surprised joy as well. If this was death then she would have met the Commanders that preceded her life. No, this was real. She was sure this was real.

"Lexa," Clarke gasped and placed her hand on the table for stability before vaulting herself across the room and jumping into Lexa's arms, wrapping her legs around the brunette.

Her lips on Lexa's was the greatest balm to the deepest hurt that Clarke could comprehend. Lexa was here, in her arms. She was warm, and breathing and so, so alive.

She clutched at Lexa's braids, laughing around their clumsy kisses and wide grins.

"Lexa, Lexa. You left. You left me alone again. You promised you wouldn't do that," she cried. Lexa nodded and whined when that disrupted their lips from staying firmly attached.

"Clarke. I love you. I thought we had more time but we did not. I did not get to say I love you. I didn't want to say it as I lay dieing but now that I'm he-"

"Shut up" growled Clarke attacking Lexa's lips with renewed vigor. "I love you too, yu joken branwada!"

Lexa carried Clarke to her furs, not caring that Indra, Gustus, even Anya could walk in at any time. She has Clarke in her arms, and the future lieing before her anew. They could burn her tent down and she and her Sky Princess would be too busy dancing in the flames they fan between themselves.

(A/N: When I think on how Jason killed Lexa, I imagine a stupid skaikru guard shooting him in the back. Fuck you Jason Rothenburg. You're an asshole sir.)


	37. Ge smak daun, gyon up nodotaim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow, its been a while since I had the urge to write. I won't bore you with my excuses though. Here's a new snippet! Please favorite, comment or PM!
> 
> P.S. I'm still smarting from Lexa's death. (And I know I'm not the only one.) This character caught me by surprise, with all her strengths, her weaknesses, her complexities and flaws. We (the fandom) fell in love and then she wasn't respected. I for one won't ever be the same. (But thats only because I'm slightly too obsessive with any form of fiction). If there is anyone who wants to talk, PM me anytime.
> 
> Also, regarding any requests for new chapters. If you have an idea feel free to float it my way. I don't have much experience with writing chapters based on a prompt but I promise that I will respect any ideas that you give me and will do my best to do them justice. Please don't think I'm just saying that. I really will take care of these fics because every idea that I have is practically my baby. I just ask that any requests made or questions asked is done in a respectful manner as well. (Yes, I'm talking to you jeremy. crawford27)
> 
> Anyway, Enjoy!

* * *

Candles. It was the candles, Clarke was sure of it.

She tried to breathe through her mouth as she ignored the uproar outside the tower. Lexa is dead. And her people has just been alerted.

She knew she had to get up. She knew she was supposed to do something, anything but wait for Titus to _maybe_ keep his word to Lexa to keep her unharmed. But all she could think about dazedly was the candles.

It's soft, woodsy scent was what helped mask the coppery scent of Lexa's blood. The joken candles.

"Clarke."

The woods scent was of the trees and fresh air of Ton DC'S surrounding forest. Lexa must have surrounded herself with reminders of where she came from. She left when she was young, but the Trikru was her home.

"Clarke!"

The nightblood. It was so different. Clarke had never seen anything like it. She had thought it was a trick of the light when Lexa had fought Roan. It was black as night. But it still smelled like copper. If she pushed past pine-scented candles.

"CLARKE!"

"She's gone," she murmured.

Murphy's face came into view, equal parts worried and relieved.

"Yeah Princess...she's gone."

Tears burned behind her eyes only overflowing when she shook her head in denial.

"No," she moaned.

"Shit Princess" Murphy said before he awkwardly grabbed hold of the back of her jacket and allowed her to crumple in his arms.

"I cant- I cant...do this again!" Clarke cried between her shuddering sobs.

She gritted her teeth and suddenly shoved herself away from Murphy attacking the cracked glass door.

She didn't know what to do. What would happen now that her and the Skaikru's only ally had now died?

Clarke stopped her hard bashing against the door. Lexa was dead. She was just...gone. She didn't even go out the way she wanted. All their conversations about her death, Clarke got the clear impression a warrior's death was only honorable in battle. Protecting their kru, their villages, their people-it was everything. Like Anya, Lexa was robbed of that chance. Someone so fierce, so full of life, was ripped away by a _bullet_?

She had looked so lost in that bed. So small and frail. If she **had** to die young, let it be for something that matters. Not for her.

Clarke felt like she was going insane. For one heartening second Clarke felt herself go on autopilot. She could go on, for Lexa. Save her people, make sure her sacrifice meant something. But the strength that was in her grasp melted away as if it was never there.

There comes a breaking point in a person's life when you get to choose. Do I accept what's happened? Do I endure?

Clarke couldn't. Not this.

For some inexplicable reason Clarke was boneless. It wasn't just that Lexa was dead and it was her fault. They were **stuck** here, on the top floor of an endless tower filled with very angry, very suspicious Grounders with no escape. The Ice Nation's nightblida, Ontari, might very well be killing all the novitiates at the Conclave right now with their King planning a devastating attack on her people, whom in all honesty would probably welcome the challenge. Doubly so if it included killing her too.

"What happened to you Murphy?" asked Clarke tonelessly. What could possibly happen to John that he would end up here with her? Its not like this world to come full circle. Murphy couldn't just be there at the beginning and show up at the end. It doesn't work like that.

He turned his head from the balcony's doorway. He looked the same. His crooked nose and the slant of his shoulders reminded her of a simpler time.

He replied just as monotone, "Hell."

At Clarke's unimpressed look he snorted. "The City of Light."

Clarke sighed. "I don't care enough to get into that."

"Far cry from how you were before, Princess."

Clarke gave him a dirty look before shaking her head. "I'm nothing like I was before... Listen I'm gonna pass out. Wake me if Titus comes back. Maybe I can guilt-trip him into setting us free."

"Don't you want to break out now?"

Clarke laughed bitterly. Murphy was kinda disturbed at how hollow she sounded. "I'm tired Murphy. Fighting is getting to be too hard."

" _Now_ its too hard?!"

"Now its without Leksa,"she whispered. She slowly picked her way up off the ground where she had collapsed onto her knees. She glanced at her pelts covered in Lexa's blood.

"Can you ..."

Murphy nodded, trying to mask his pity. She didn't have to ask. The bloody pelts will be gone before she leaves the bathroom. Clarke suspects Murphy would probably just chuck it off the edge of the tower for lack of a better choice.

"Thanks Murphy."

Clarke shuffled into the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

She took off all her clothes and got into the lukewarm water-filled tub, sighing as she tipped her head back and closed her eyes.

_Lexa's voice whispered to her from out of the darkness. "Death is not the end, Klark."_


	38. Here we go again

**Hi guys! I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything more on this forum. Life got in the way. But here's a chapter I've been fiddling with. Happy 4** **th** **of July!**

**As always, anyone who wants to talk to me about the Commander's death on The 100 is free to. Private message me anytime.**

**And for those who's still quaking from Root's death in Person of Interest, I'm angry too. This 'kill the lesbians' trope is getting ridiculous.**

**Additionally, the LGBT community has been rocked these past few weeks both onscreen and in real life, and regarding The Pulse club shooting in Orlando I just . . . There are no words. My prayers are with the family of those who've been lost, and with those right now that may feel like the walls are closing in on all sides. All I can say is it gets better. Life tends to get better given some time.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the 100. No money has been made off this fan-fiction.**

* * *

"Mom?" I asked, gagging slightly at the taste of blood in my mouth. Abby looked away from Murphy, as he released Ontari's heart from his grip and stepped back exhausted.

"Clarke? Sweet heart", gasped Abby. She hurriedly lifted Clarke's chin, checking her pupils for abnormal dilation. There was no medical precedent for all that they had done, but if Clarke's body was able to withstand the toll it took so far from the Commander's "spirit" then her daughter should be fine.

Abby abruptly pulled away when he heard Marcus say her name breathless, staring about him at the dead and wounded with so much guilt and pain. Abby turned to Clarke helplessly.

"Go to him," pushed Clarke. "I'm fine." It was a lie. She didn't feel fine. Dark spots clouded her vision and she could barely lift herself off of the Commander's throne. Bile rose in her throat as the image of Ontari holding Aden's head in her insultingly steady grip as she sat in this very spot flew to the forefront of her mind. She didn't want to be here. But it felt like her body was made of concrete.

"I'm sorry John," said Clarke. He was still standing there, covered in Ontari's blood. He may have made mistakes in the past, but he sure as hell didn't deserve this. _None of us did._

Murphy smiled bitterly at Clarke. The little breath she was able to regain fled from her. He looked so lost. "Just another day on the ground."

Tears burned behind her eyes before she nodded her head. She tilted her head back closing her eyes. They wouldn't have many more days on the ground left. No, their days were numbered. A nuclear storm? There is nothing . . . nothing in this world that they could do against such a disaster. They were all . . . Going to . . .

"Clarke!" Abby screamed. It sounded muffled, like her mother was underwater. She didnt know when it happened but her eyes were closed and she suddenly felt so tired.

"Baby, open your eyes," her Mother demanded. Clarke would have smiled had she the strength.

"Her heart is failing, give me a shock stick!"

After that, everything was a bit of a blur. There were voices, someone's cold hands pulling apart her clothing. Then nothing but black.

000000

Clarke breathed out one long exhale when she woke. Thats how it happened. Like she woke up from a really long, deep sleep. From the kind of dream that felt like it could have lasted for days. But it wasn't a dream ... she died.

 _We were all so close. But in the end, without so many people that_ should _have been there, it wasn't enough._

This is the story of how Clarke ... somehow ... found herself on the Ark. Again.


	39. The Finn Complication

**A/N: Hey guys! So glad to be back with this new chapter.**

**And this is actually a preview of an entirely new fan fiction I'm writing for The 100, featuring Clarke and Lexa in an entirely new timeline. Clarke is suddenly thrown back through the past by Becca Promheda. Clarke's mission is to somehow keep everyone alive without tipping the world off that she knows the future. Old characters previously killed by Jason Rothenburg-because everyone suddenly thinks its funny to be George R..R Martin-will be brought back and our favorite pairing will be given a new chance at life, not just surviving!**

**Yes, I'm super excited about this fic and am slowly but surely piecing it together with the help of my lovely new editor, whom I suddenly remembered I forgot to ask if its alright to name him or her in this preview. I hope you like this short chapter and can sort of get a taste where I'm going with this thing. Okay, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own The 100, its characters or have been made fabulously wealthy by it in any way. No, certainly not in any way.**

* * *

She kept her eyes out for any hunters in the forest while some of her group happily chatted nearby. Clarke smiled slightly as she saw Octavia swing around a nearby tree, her fingers clasped loosely around the rough tree bark. Her dark hair swung with her, briefly hiding her soft, open smile then her lecherous leer as she checked out Finn.

The boy-because that was what he was right now, just a boy-swept his gaze around the forest floor looking for any animal tracks that they could follow.

 _Finn._ In the past that never was, he was so attentive... Like now, working so hard to pitch in and find them some animal meat to eat for food.

Never mind the fact that when it came down to it he wouldn't be able to kill the two-headed deer, let alone skin it and roast it over a fire.

Finn is attentive, kind and so lighthearted but unused to the harsh need to just get things done. Not like others here who would almost seamlessly latch onto that world. Not like Clarke. Not like Lexa.

Clarke sighs as she already feels the pinpricks that come from being watched. Finn sees her, nervously patting back his hair and gathering his courage to talk to her. She shakes her head ignoring his stare. Was she really so blind? Not even an hour on the ground and he already wants to flirt with the first attractive girl to catch his eye.

A short twinge of disgust, some directed internally, churns bile at the back of her throat as Finn saunters up to her side.

Before he can break out his "Princess" routine, Clarke grabs the map from her bag and hollers at Wells to come take a look. She hurries away, slightly rotating her shoulders in discomfort as Finn pouts at her in disappointment.

He never belonged to her. Normally she abhorred the thought of anyone _belonging_ to a person but that changed when she met Lexa. That almost visceral need one feels in their muscles and sinew when they're with their lover, its a _belonging_. Lexa marked her for life, she was hers just like Lexa was a part of her heart. That never happened with Finn. Clarke could have laughed at just the comparison.

What she felt for Finn wasn't false, but more . . . childlike and new. Based off a boy she thought she knew, whom was never _truly_ an advocate for peace.

"What is it, Clarke?" asked Wells.

Clarke just shook her head and pointed down to the map. "We're too far from the Mountain, it would take days just to get going in the right direction."

Actually, it would take approximately 5 hours on horseback to and from the Mountain if they paced it right and wanted to get back to camp by sundown. A few days journey on foot if they stayed hydrated and didn't encounter any scavengers or local wildlife. But Wells didn't need to know that.

"Is that guy bothering you?" asked Wells shortly. Clarke's blue eyes startled up from the map to see Wells glaring at Finn flat mouthed and protective. Clarke smiled, just so happy to have him back. Wells always was the more compassionate of their group. He could pick up on her bad moods at the drop of a hat and would spend hours doing anything and everything just to make her smile.

"No", she laughed.

"Really? Because I can talk to him." said Wells. He clenched his fists and straightened his back slightly trying to appear a bit bigger but only seeming more kind hearted somehow- _Oh._

Clarke shook her head and smiled sadly at the floor. Wells loved her. Was in love with her. How did she never see _this_ before either? She must have been blind. No deaf and blind. Who would want to admit that their best friend who they've known since grade school was in love with them and the feelings were not at all reciprocated.

Tears burned at Clarke's eyes before she clapped Wells on the shoulder. "I can take care of myself Wells. But thanks." She smiled sadly as she walked past him intent on dealing with this at the last possible second. Wells, her best friend _Wells_. She really hoped she wouldn't end up breaking his heart.

00000

As the group continued hunting for food, so did Finn continue trying to put the moves on her. When his repeated questions about her past was met with stony silence, he reverted to trying to crowd her as she walked. After she glared at him for the fifth time, he grinned happy to catch her eye.

It was when Finn touched her on her wrist that Clarke finally became fed up with his act. "Stop," she growls, flinging her wrist out of his grip instantly.

Finn scoffs, "You need to relax, Princess. Or let me guess? You don't like being called Princess, do you Princess?" he goads, smiling all cocky.

Clarke never had such a sudden urge to punch Finn then she did now.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she snaps. Her cold comment smacks Finn's grin off like a whip, his brows coming down in angry confusion.

"Hey, how did you know that-"

Octavia's grin at Clarke's expense drifts when Finn suddenly cops to being taken already. "You have a girlfriend?! Who is she?", Octavia asks slightly put off. Clarke shrugged and rolled the map in her hands, already stepping away from the drama playing out in front of her. Honestly, this was what she used to consider important? Not that the betrayal to Raven wasn't important, but as they speak people are **dieing** , being bled to death in the Mountain just 60 meters away from where they're standing now.

"My dad was the Senior Environmental Engineer and Deputy Resource Officer on the Ark. He worked on the same mechanical engineering floor as one of the most promising aeronautical students he'd seen in years, Raven Reyes." Clarke finally looked up to glare at Finn as she said Raven's name, praying she would see some ounce of guilt or self-condemnation. She didn't.

"She doesn't know you. She would have said."

Clarke breathed out a bitter chuckle, looking at him sadly. Yes, Raven would have said. Because Finn was her best friend, her boyfriend, the love of her life she believed she could say anything to and vice versa. She deserves better.

"You're right we don't know each other. But from what my dad told me, she's someone I would be lucky to know.", says Clarke. The judgement of Finn's flirting with another girl that isn't his girlfriend hangs heavy in her tone, casting an already doomed conversation into an awkward standstill.

Clarke had made up a contingency answer in case Finn asked her how she knew Raven but it would fall apart as soon as the sassy mechanic came down in her ship. She and her father never met, let alone work in the same area on the Ark. But she'll cross that bridge when they come to it.

Finn bows his head when reminded of Raven's brilliance. But only briefly. Clarke can hardly hide her disbelief at his apparent disregard for someone of Raven's caliber. They hardly parted on good terms when Clarke left after the battle, nor did they talk much when she got back. But when she and Clarke _were_ friends, she remembers Raven being kind, funny and extremely smart. She didn't deserve the physical pain of her injury, let alone the emotional pain of having Finn in and out of her life. She was never the same after the City of Light, something Clarke wishes to shield her from when the time comes. But for now, right now all Clarke can do is try to keep Finn from wronging her in the most fundamental but heartbreaking of ways.

"Hey, I'm sorry," says Finn brushing his long floppy hair from his face. "But I wasn't asking for anything long-term here," he says gesturing between himself and Clarke. As if she should've known his intentions. "Besides, there's no telling if any of us-you, me, Raven, hell- _the Ark_ , will survive."

Clarke visibly reeled back. Okay, now she was going to murder him. Was he trying to _excuse_ what he'd just done? Betraying Raven's love for him? And pressuring her to have sex with a possible impending death sentence too?! Was he out of his mind?

_So I might as well be with him if it means we're all going to die._

Clarke conjured her best Commander glare and squared back her shoulders stepping forward as the idiot boy steps back. Finn's light, cocky facade peels away in the face of her fury. "Finn Collins, you are a worthless piece of trash."

Bellamy, Octavia, Monty and Jasper's startled laughs don't even pierce the red covering her eyes. "Frankly, I can't even fathom how anyone with two functioning brain cells would even consider speaking to you!" Finn backs up from Clarke's hostile confrontation, his hands coming up to ward off any impending attack.

"From what I hear, Raven Reyes is a good person and when she and the Ark survives this, and they damn well will survive, you will confess to _trying_ to cheat on her the second you lay your eyes on that girl and beg for forgiveness.

If I hear you say another word edgewise that even hints at what I think you're implying here to me or to anyone else, I will string you up and leave you for wildlife to feast on myself!" Finn's back hits a tree, his breath stuttering in startled surprise. One of the boys whooping in approval reminds him they have an audience to the dressing down he's getting.

Clarke stops her attack momentarily, breathing hard. "I'm going to keep a _very_ close eye on you. I, or any other person on this godforsaken rock, will not be flirted with, looked at or touched by you again is that understood?"

Finn opens his mouth to argue but Clarke calmly raises her hunting knife to his throat, unflinching. "Is that clear?"

Finn gulps and nods in acquiescence. Clarke nods gesturing to the others to move on so they can get on with their hunting excursion. As the others file off, Monty and Jasper chuckled to themselves quickly stepping out of Clarke's way as she stormed past. Jasper shook his head and patted Finn on his shoulder in faux comfort, "You are such a boob."

* * *

**That''ll teach Fuck-boy Finn!**


	40. Shifting Ground

**A/N: Hey chickadees! I made this short chapter, among other versions, about how I think the conversation between Promheda and Clarke would go; about sending her back in time. Tell me what you guys think? I'd love to hear your comments.**

**Disclaimer: I disclaim (is that the right adjective, verb, noun?) any rights to The 100 and all of its characters.**

* * *

_'You can send me back to the Ark?'_

_'Yes.'_

_'Will my father be alive?'_

Sadness clouded Becca Promheda's eyes. ' _No.'_

Clarke felt the dulled, throbbing grief from her father's death roar with new life, and quickly became angered. ' _You can undo all of this. All of the mistakes we made. But my Dad, he wont live to see the ground?'_

Becca nodded sagely, but not without some pain too. She had grown fond of Clarke. The cloudling did not deserve to lose her family twice. ' _It is true I can send you back, but the farther in the past you go, the less power I have. And unlike how my subjects like to perceive me, I am not without my limits.'_

Becca hesitated, almost unwilling to say more, before she said, _'I also must be able to stay within the chip.'_

Clarke knew she was right. Lexa needed the spirit, and all her past selves, to help guide her. To help nurture and protect the people.

She didnt want to think about it but an image immediately rose in her mind of what would happen if the spirit was just gone. Lexa would feel scared-abrupt terror. One day she would sit down and meditate, try to reach out to the commanders before her and all she would hear in return was silence. Abandoned.

And Clarke just _knew_ Lexa would be honest to her ambassadors, to her people, about the loss of such a thing. The people would revolt, probably think Lexa had become unworthy of the spirit, her ambassadors would kill her in a bid for power, Nia would take advantage of such chaos and-

No. Clarke had seen a world without Lexa. Without Becca and the spirits of the past Commanders. As much as she wished to push her to give back everything she'd lost, Clarke simply could not be that selfish.

Clarke suddenly felt like the clouds above her darkened with a storm, the thunder pounding in the air, through the ground beneath her feet, through her bones. She was on shifting ground. This god-like spirit was willing to help her, and she knows she should take care not to anger her. But this was nearly unacceptable. Nearly. _Okay. Okay, okay. Just do it. Please_ , she begged.


	41. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've written and rewritten this so many times I wanna cry! Goddammit I am going to submit it tonight and do my best to keep to it. *sigh* So I apologize, I know many people have tentatively asked me if I would update soon or, you know, ever. And I always replied with a resounding yes! However, after my family moved again, and are planning to move once more within the next few weeks for reasons I could go on about if you guys cared, and my mother had another baby, yes she's 41 and thriving my people, I've just barely had enough time to concentrate on my SENIOR xD year of college.
> 
> I will try to limp my way from chapter to chapter to get back in the groove of things so editing will be rough. And updates will be scarce. Here's a very short chapter I'll be sure to lengthen later in the week when I get a chance. Private Message me with prompts if you think your idea is interesting, I'm open to new ideas.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own the 100 or any of its characters. This is just versions of them that I see in my head. Wait that came out wrong.
> 
> * * *

Panting. That was all I could do. Pant. My breathing was so fast and so heavy it felt like my chest was on fire. And in the silence of my cell, it sounded almost deafening.

Yes, I was 'back'. Although through my limited contact with other people, I was unsure as to how far I had actually 'traveled'. Geeze, I needed to get a handle on this. I wasn't even sure if this was a dream, or a nightmare, or a delusion I created in my mind. We were all going to die, until we weren't. Until I came back.

And suddenly jumping up and into an exercise routine was a bad idea. Not until you stretched for a bit, which my apparently addled mind had  _forgot_. I forgot to stretch or to start slow which, in this body, meant walking fast in tight circles in the limited amount of space afforded in my cell. So that I wouldn't pant. And drop to the floor splayed out like an exhausted starfish.

The usual uproar outside my cell keyed up a little, signaling the arrival of lunch. I huffed and knocked my head back against the metal flooring.

Or as the Ark calls it 'lunch', a cubed block of something that mildly tasted like dried paper and oats with a cup of heavily recycled water.

If it turns out that I am insane and the whole world underneath me was a figment of my imagination, I was really going to miss the food.

I smiled as a fleeting memory of fine wines and harsh liquor, fruity drinks that came with a bountiful dinner in front of a shy, smiling Commander flashed in my mind's eye.

I quickly tamped down the longing. I would see her again. It was just a matter of watching and waiting. . . And exercising.

Sighing, I splay my hands against the wall as the guards warn me off the door to bring in my  _very_  poor excuse of a lunch.

Idly, I weighed the merits of beating up the guards, taking their key cards, running down the hall and making a break for one of the higher level luxury pods that could detach from the Ark to the earth with specific modifications to its core code. But as the nearest guard bent down to drop my tray by my bunk I abandoned that theory. I was a lot of things, but I wasn't Raven. Or Sinclair. I could give it my best effort, but without that certain kind of genius, I may not succeed fast enough or accurately enough before I got shot. Or landed on top of a village.

I sigh as my cell door clanged shut, signaling the end to my very short daydream.

Lexa. I wanted to see  _Lexa._

My eyes screwed shut as the stupid hope that maybe she was alive sang around me. I didn't come back far enough to save my Dad. And that reopened wound blindsided me for  _months._ But then, Lexa. I prayed that whatever this was, somehow it had saved her.

I just had to see her, hear her voice. I knew she wouldn't remember me, or even want to know me based on the amount of skepticism and derision we had in our first meeting. But if I just  _saw_ her…

I shook my head and refocused. Exercise and plan. That was all I had within my reach right now. That and "food".

Bypassing the lunch tray, I started a slow stretch with my arms tugging my right arm behind my head for a count of 15 seconds and then again with my left. I stretched my legs for a bit and then rotated my body at the waist doing some deep breathing exercises I saw Octavia practice before sessions with Indra.

I knew from my medical texts some basic exercises I could start with but the more advanced ones would have to be taught to me by a mentor.

After I was done with my stretching, I layed on my back and started with sit-ups counting as I went.

 _One, two._ My hands bracketed my face as my weak body already started going through the motions and getting sore.  _Three … Four._  Wow, I do not remember being this weak.  _Five, six, seven._ Breathe, remember to breathe. _Eight, nine, ten._ Focusing my eyes in front of me, I saw the drawing I had made up on the wall just the night before. It wasn't done, but … it looked a lot like her.

_Eleven, twelve._


	42. Who I Used To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: I apologize for my random hiatus, but I'll be making chapters like these again, albeit randomly and without a set schedule, until I can juggle things around 3 am feedings and diaper changes.
> 
> Message me, please, if you have any requests or if you just wanna talk x)

 

It had been a long time since Clarke had seen her Mother. The 100 prisoners that had fallen and were picked off by the nearby village of Ton DC were taken by the Mountain Men. Things had cooled down once they had escaped. But nothing was the same anymore. They were all of them different.

Clarke gritted her teeth as she prepared for what would seem like an agonizing conversation. She hadn't forgotten what Wells had said before, about her Mom being the reason why her Father was floated. Why her dad was killed and left to burn in the stars like he had never existed.

She was here today to do as the Commander requested of a people who had crashed into her home village.

To talk with her Mother, one who had betrayed her family, as if nothing was wrong to keep the rest of the Sky People away for as long as possible. Until the Nations were convinced these cloudlings were not a risk.

Clarke and Anya had been meeting with the ambassadors of the Capitol in the Commanders tent to speak peace for a week now. And they were making some headway.

But this conversation, these next few moments right now, would determine everything.

Raven had finally fixed the radio and after a short chat Abby, as newly elected Chancellor, had gathered the Council and were waiting to speak with Clarke. If all goes well, the Commander will be able to gauge whether Anya has spoken true and the Sky People are not readying to do battle.

Clarke really hoped they all behaved. She prayed the Ark will choose to leave their weapons in the sky before they come down.

For now, Raven has chosen to say that the former prisoners have all left the immediate area and only a few stayed behind. Her chief among them.

Clarke uncomfortably shifts in her old jeans. They restrict more than she is used to now that she's been given looser clothing from Anya.

She hates that she's forced to act and dress like who she was before. Its embarrassing to look and act so different in front of the others as she talks with the Council and her mother like nothing has happened.

She has to act like she's telling the truth.

Of course, Clarke doesn't realize that the Commander will be impressed with how Clarke conducts herself in the next few moments:

"Clarke, baby," Abby said, relieved.

...

"Hi mom", she said smiling slightly. She knew any wider and it'd look cracked or unsure.

"You're alive. You're ok."

"Y-yeah, I'm fine."

The Grounders shift, confused. Clarke has never looked that open or talked so lightly before. Her teeth grit slightly as she tried to reign in her embarrassment and slight frustration. The village leaders insisted on sitting in. If she was to be seen talking with a member of her family, she would have much preferred to have done it in private.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry about your Dad." A metal lance could have pierced her heart and it wouldn't have compared to the pain these words caused.

Shocked, she could only whisper "Its-...," she couldn't say fine. It wasn't fine it can never be fine. What Abby did-

"I've had a lot of time to process it," she said noncommittally.

Abby's face tightened-remembering she's the reason Clarke was put into prison, into isolation no doubt.

Before Abby could talk Raven elected to get in the middle. She knew the whole story and Clarke could only take so much.

"Hey, Doctor Griffin!"

"Raven. Sweetheart. You made it!" Raven jerked her head in a nod. She only did that death-defying stunt for Finn, the cheat.

"How many of you are alive?"

"A lot more than we thought considering-"

Clarke shouldered Raven before she could go into a rant. Not that it was undeserved but things needed to seem okay. Especially on the ground. If everyone appeared to be angry then crowd control would come down with more guns!

"We made it. Most wandered away on their own, away from the vicinity. We're all that's left."

"Good, good. You're whats important." Raven felt a pinch. This lady really only seemed to care about one person other than herself.

Clarke's expression darkened slightly more than what would be termed as "okay". Did the 100 mean nothing to her?! All those kids, thrown into a supposed fire ridden planet to burn?!

Lexa could read the destruction and chaos in Clarke's eyes. She grew perturbed by this Chancellor. What good leader would not value everyone under her command? Clarke was good and pure and would not stand for even one of her gonas to be harmed. She shifted into Clarke's view hoping to convey through her eyes a warning, and a comfort she forced herself not to examine too closely.

Clarke needed to hold it together in the face of this test.

"Clarke are you alright?", asked Abby.

"Yes . . . the connections weak." (Her connection with her mother, certainly). "I can barely hear you."

Raven surreptitiously squeezed Clarke's wrist in comfort too before stepping to the console.

"So sorry Abby but this thing can only hang on for so long."

Abby pulled a face.

"I know but Clarke can talk to you tomorrow after I've ironed out the kinks."

"See that you do. And Clarke, be careful. We're working on getting to the ground soon so stay safe until we get there."

Clarke forced a smile and a nod, inwardly cringing on how much her mother actively babied her.

"See you soon. Love you, Mom."

"Love you, baby."

Soon as her Mother's hologram snapped off Clarke breathed through her nose and tipped her head back shaking her head. She never knew she used to smile so much or caved under Abby's incessant demands so often.

Her eyes opened, emotions under control, getting back to the task at hand. When she was done answering questions from the village leaders she made her way over to Anya and Lexa.

Anya smirked eyeing her get-up up and down.

"Don't."

"Who knew you looked so innocent back then hey Skaikru?" She teased.

Lexa smiled lightly, amused. She couldn't agree more. When she saw Clarke step out looking so . . . different she nearly choked on her tongue. Without her dark hides, hair pulled back into braids and her sword or dagger strapped to her hip, without her new healer tattoo peeking out or even her customary expression exposed only in her eyes, Clarke looked like an entirely different person.

Not like the girl she'd come to secretly lust over and admire but like a young girl new to the ways of the ground. Her eyes could not be kept off of Clarke and she purposely ignored Anya's knowing eyes.

She liked the look and Anya knew she liked the look. And considering how perceptive Clarke usually is she would know too if she didn't keep her eyes to herself.

Clarke snorted looking down. "Yeah well, I like the clothes I have now. More freedom to move. This," she picked at the lapels of her blue jacket, "is just who I used to be."

**Author's Note:**

> This series of one shots are nearly all based on the main character having foreknowledge. Like Clarke has somehow traveled back in time and has to relive all of this again. Not everyone's cup of tea but read on, it gets better ;)


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